Dosimeter

Dosimeters measure an individual's exposure to hazardous materials in the environment. Employees who work near radiation are required to wear these small clip-on detectors that keep track of their cumulative exposure to toxins over long periods of time.  

I wish there were a similar device that measured our cumulative exposure to toxic people. Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a little clip-on tracker that alerted us when we’ve reached unhealthy levels of negativity? 

I think most of us have an internal monitor that lets us know when we have reached dangerous limits. We feel mentally imbalanced, exhausted, and incapacitated. When we sense these symptoms coming on, it’s time to remove ourselves from the source of toxicity, if at all possible. Sometimes the toxin is within ourselves or a close loved one. In these instances, we might only be able to get away for a few breaths of fresh air.

There are a few temporary methods that may counteract the effects of these hazardous individuals. Find a few people that can help you detoxify. I have a few friends that play the role of a ‘Biohazard Response Team’. When I call on them, they immediately respond with prayer and cleansing advice. They have to protect themselves or they could also get contaminated while ministering to me.

Ultimately, only God can completely restore and purify us.

“For God is not an indifferent bystander. He’s actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed.” (Heb. 12:28-29 MSG)

“It’s the same with Jesus. He was crucified outside the city gates—that is where he poured out the sacrificial blood that was brought to God’s altar to cleanse his people.” (Heb. 13:10-12 MSG)

So we call on Jesus, who is aware of the cumulative impact of every hazard and is responsible for our purification. 

Hurting

Our dog’s nails needed to be trimmed. This is one of the few grooming tasks that I don’t attempt by myself. My husband volunteers to do this intricate procedure, while I feed the dog treats to keep her distracted and calm, and my son holds her in his lap. It’s difficult to know where the claw ends and the blood vessels start inside the nail bed. Last time we trimmed her nails, we clipped it too close to the quick, and it started bleeding. Our dog remained stoic, eating her treats--not even a whimper. We, on the other hand, were close to tears! We cleaned up the blood, put pressure on the nail, and put medicine on it. My husband was upset and frustrated with himself. We were hurting for our dog. After a few minutes, the bleeding stopped and the dog seemed fine.

I wonder how much it hurts God when we are in pain.

“I am the Good Shepherd. I know my own sheep and my own sheep know me. In the same way, the Father knows me and I know the Father. I put the sheep before myself, sacrificing myself if necessary.” (John 10:14-18 MSG)

“Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture.” (Isaiah 40:9-11 MSG)

God must love us more than we love our pets. I can imagine the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit trying to minister to each of us—trimming away parts that are damaging to ourselves and others. When we bleed—when we are in pain—God must feel upset and frustrated too. 

Doubt

It’s been raining daily, and the earthworms come out in droves after each rain. Yesterday I found an earth worm inside my house. I’m sure one of us tracked in this worm on the bottom of our shoes. As I picked up this worm and threw it in the garbage, I was reminded of all the other creepy-crawlies that I have unintentionally brought into my home.

One such worm that has hitched a ride into my life lately is doubt. I am hesitant to believe the best in people. I frequently distrust their motives. When I meet new people, I wonder if they have an agenda for befriending me. Just like everyone else in the world, I’ve had a few bad experiences where people have used me or disappointed me. Instead of reminding myself of all the good people that I have encountered over the years, I base my attitude on these few negative individuals.

I also doubt myself—my motives, my capacity to handle difficult situations, my instincts. Why do I write? Is it a useful exercise or a waste of time? Am I being authentic? Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about! What if something really bad happened; would I be able to remain sane? Would I be able to function? My gut says a certain choice is risky; am I right? Or maybe I’m just letting fear and anxiety control my decisions.

The worm of doubt keeps inching further into my soul. I start doubting God—His intentions, His care. Maybe He has plans to continue testing me indefinitely. Maybe His expectations are higher than I care to meet. Maybe He is holding out on me or has lost interest in me, or even worse, is disappointed in me.

Instead of removing the worm of doubt as soon as I noticed it, I kept it around as a pet. I fed it and played with it, not realizing that it was a pest. Now it has multiplied and squirmed its way deeper into my soul. 

Precancerous Cells

Every morning I pray for a group of people who are in need of healing. Some have cancer, some have addictions, some are depressed, and some are in pain. The other morning, I realized that there are probably so many other people around me who have precancerous cells growing inside them right now. It might take years for these damaged cells to proliferate and become a detectable mass. Similarly, there are people who are in pre-addictive phases. Right now, they are just using alcohol, medications, food, pornography, gambling, etc. to fill a void, to temporarily numb themselves.

I wondered what microscopic pre-malignancies are growing within me right now. I have certain habits that need careful monitoring. I have a tendency toward despondency and anxiety. I can also be obsessive-compulsive about many things. These predispositions are still contained, manageable…in situ. As of now, they are imperceptible irregularities, hardly noticeable compared to the bigger tumors that are visible in others. If left unchecked, these predilections can become toxic malignancies that take over my life.

Like radon—which is an invisible poisonous carcinogen that is present in many homes—evil works surreptitiously. This gradual sliding into decay is something I notice within me and around me. I write about it frequently in an attempt to remind myself and others of the danger. I know I’ve used several metaphors and several blog posts to try to research and study this serious affliction. Yet, I feel like I still haven’t figured out how to prevent it.

Spreading Manure

I enjoy the scents of spring—freshly cut grass, blooming flowers, plowed soil, manure… Ok, maybe not the last one. I live near cornfields that are annually fertilized with manure. For weeks, the odor permeates the whole neighborhood. Over the years, I’ve gotten used to it. I’ve just learned to accept it as part of farming. At least the manure is being used productively, to grow crops. Otherwise, it would just sit in a pile and still stink up the environment. 

“Christians are like manure: spread them out and they help everything grow better, but keep them in one big pile and they stink horribly.” (from Crazy Love, by Francis Chan)

This statement can be applied to a variety of congregations. Whether you are part of a religious, ethnic, or political group, when members flock together, things get funky. It’s like their worst characteristics are distilled and concentrated under the pressure to conform. Mob mentality overtakes individual thought. Judgmentalism and legalism drown out compassion and tolerance. Groupthink squashes authenticity, creativity, and responsibility.

So then, is there no value in living as a community, in fellowship, with like-minded people? Yes and no. I think small groups of individuals, supporting and encouraging each other toward good, can be beneficial. On the other hand, even a small gang of thugs can cause a lot of trouble if they are bent on doing evil. In larger organizations, there is very little opportunity to nourish each other. The identity and promotion of the group agenda stifle the dignity and uniqueness of the individual members.

Even though it’s tempting to cluster together with like-minded people, in the long run, it just leads to stagnation and suffocation. Instead, congregate with those who have divergent religious and political viewpoints. Hang out with people that don’t belong to your ethnic or racial group. Live near individuals who are of different socioeconomic backgrounds. Spread out, fertilize, and grow.

Dishonoring God

Recently I watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It’s a movie about a group of British retirees who move to India and live in a dilapidated hotel. One of the characters, Jean, is a social-climber who constantly criticizes everything around her. Her negativity, which is mostly directed at her loyal husband, makes him appear weak and emasculated.

Over and over, God has promised that He will be by our side:
“I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” (Matt.28:20 MSG)
 “I’ll be with you. I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you. Strength! Courage! --Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” (Joshua 1:1-9 MSG)

Just like a loyal spouse, God is always by our side taking care of us. When we succumb to worry, fear, negativity, resentment, or bitterness—we are, in essence, presuming that the one who is taking care of us is incapable, feeble, and wimpy. This attitude is incredibly dishonoring to God.

We can honor God by placing our full confidence in Him. When we believe that He is all-powerful, assert that He is all-knowing, and admit that He loves us passionately—then nothing fazes us.

I’m reminded again of the song lyrics I heard a few days ago:
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of Angel Armies
Is always by my side (by Chris Tomlin)

Active Clothes

(parts of this post were written for Romans Study)

“We can’t afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don’t loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about!” (Romans 13:11-14 MSG)

When watching red carpet events on TV, I have overheard the announcers say about some actress, “She is wearing Armani.”  I thought Armani was a designer. Wouldn’t it make more sense to say, “She is wearing a dress designed by Armani”? Well, I guess if you are a famous enough designer, such things don’t have to be clarified!  I’m sure famous designers also get to dictate their model’s hair, makeup, and accessories as well as whether or not these stars are allowed to eat or dance in these exquisite gowns. I’m sure none of these ladies decides to just sleep in these dresses either.

Imagine if we were wearing Christ! What would that look like? Well, for one thing we couldn’t just go about our daily activities as usual. We would have to be careful how we conduct ourselves, since we have been chosen as models for the greatest Designer. As Christians, we are wearing lives designed by Christ. We can’t squander this honor by engaging in frivolous indulgences. We can’t just kick back on the couch and take a nap either.

Every morning, I lounge around in my pajamas and robe till my husband wakes up. Then I go put on my running clothes. The idea is that if I have clothes that I can run in, I’m more likely to find time for it during the day. Most days, this works. By intentionally putting on active clothes, I'm actually psyching myself up for movement.

Similarly, if I intentionally 'wear Christ' every morning, I feel mentally prepared to serve Him. I'm more likely to look for opportunities to move in Him, to look at things from His perspective. It might just be sending out an encouraging email, or calling a friend, or writing for the blog, or praying for someone, or making some food for someone. Yet, if I just 'wear me', my own design, I just go about my business all day, filling every minute with self-absorbed activities. 

I don't find 'wearing Christ' constricting or limiting at all. It feels more like lightweight, active performance wear that wicks away moisture and allows you to run in all sorts of weather. Unfortunately, just like it’s hard to conceal excess fat underneath snug-fitting clothes, it’s difficult to hide your self-indulgences when you are dressed in Christ. But that’s ok, because the more you move in Christ, the fitter and leaner you become.