Indirect Communicators

“We open up our souls to you by presenting the truth to everyone’s conscience in the sight and presence of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:2 TPT)

I believe in opening my soul and presenting truth to everyone. I am a direct communicator; thus, I have a tendency to verbalize my feelings and thoughts even before I finish processing them. Not everyone is like me, and that is okay.  Indirect communicators tend to convey their emotions nonverbally. Sometimes they have difficulty understanding and expressing feelings. 

Indirect communicators used to confuse me. I wasn’t sure if I could trust them, because they were so hard to read. Were they sneaky or just introverted? Sometimes it took years to understand them. Once I assess that someone is indirect but not manipulative, I try to learn their language. I pay attention to their facial cues, sighs, and eyes. I listen to their pauses--to what is left unsaid. I repeatedly explain my direct approach so as not to offend them. All this takes effort. Yet, like learning any new language, it helps me grow and understand others who are different.

Indirect People

“We keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:2 MSG)

I have often thought about writing a book titled: How to Spot Insincerity and Avoid Manipulation. I study and write about this topic frequently, because authenticity is one of my core values.

When I am listening to someone, I pay just as much attention to what they don’t say as to what they do say. There is a difference between people who are private and those who delude themselves and mislead others. Insincerity is often accompanied by incongruency in what is said, body language, behavior, and other background information.

"Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they're feeling, cannot be trusted. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it." (The Language of Letting Go, Melody Beattie) 

Trusting those who are habitually indirect is unwise. Honesty, transparency, and consistency are highly significant measures of character. Lack of maturity and self-awareness may cause some individuals to present disparate versions of themselves at different times. Eventually, they will act out their truth even though they do not speak it. If a young child denies eating his brother’s cake when his whole face is covered in chocolate, his lie may be excusable. However, the same behavior in an adult is outrageous. When presented with expressions of insincerity, many of us want to take what is said at face value--especially if ignoring the incongruity is more convenient or strokes our ego. Authenticity can be cumbersome and unpopular. However, we honor ourselves and others by revealing our true selves and expecting others to do the same.