Wise Friends

“Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.” (Proverbs 13:20 MSG)

What are the top characteristics you look for in a friend? 

I asked this question to a few of my friends and family. Certain character traits came up frequently: loyal, honest, trustworthy, fun, encouraging, authentic, consistent, respectful, accepting, compassionate, non-judgmental, virtuous, transparent, empathic, communicative, etc.

I was surprised that no one mentioned ‘wisdom’ as one of their top criteria in friends. 

The book of Proverbs places a high value on wisdom. When we do life with those who have sound judgment, we are more likely to emulate them and learn to make good choices. In contrast, when we hang out with the unwise, our lives fall apart. Those who follow the short-sighted are often misguided. 

Perhaps you think of yourself as the wise one in your friendships. This means you have the responsibility of always being a good role model to those who may be following your example. Are you a good friend who practices the character traits that add value to the lives around you? Are you empowering your friends to heal and grow?

In most friendship groups, there are leaders and followers. I prefer friends who are dependable mentors.  I call these people frontline friends. Like frontline workers they are on the forefront of the battle, taking the brunt of the burden of figuring out how to progress.  They are steeped in wisdom and spiritual discernment. I am appreciative of their consistency and clarity. I continually lift them up in prayer. 

Bucket List of Virtues

“Souls who follow their hearts thrive;

Fools bent on evil despise matters of the soul.” (Proverbs 13:19 MSG)

In the 2007 movie, The Bucket List, two terminally ill men make a list of things they want to do before they ‘kick the bucket’. Since the movie’s release, the idea of making a bucket list has now become mainstream. If you cannot come up with your own ideas, there are websites that list thousands of dreams, goals, and experiences that you should have before you die.

In a slightly different twist on the bucket list of activities and acquisitions, I have come up with a bucket list of virtues. These are character traits I aspire to develop before I die. I imagine my ideal self, the highest level of purpose my soul could achieve. My list consists mostly of adjectives: authentic, resilient, purposeful, loyal, honest, dependable, trustworthy, gracious, wise, strong, intentional, accountable, discerning, empowering, encouraging...

My heart craves to be whole, to be the complete version of all that my soul can be.  I cannot neglect soul matters any longer. Whatever time I have left, I hope to live a life of virtue and meaning. 

What would be on Your personal bucket list of virtues? 

What characteristics do you see in the best version of yourself?

 

Self-Discipline

“If you want to follow Me, you must deny yourself the things you think you want. You must pick up your cross and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24 VOICE)

Epicureanism is a philosophy that thinks of pleasure as the ultimate goal. Humans and animals naturally gravitate toward comfort and avoid suffering. Sensations that bring immediate gratification are more sought-after than experiences that lead to long-term satisfaction. Thus, gluttony, greed, pride, lust, sloth, envy, and wrath, which were once considered deadly vices, are now merely signs that one is not a prude. Epicureanism, with its never ending addiction for more and more pleasure,  devolves into hedonism.  A generic epitaph that would be suitable for most epicureans would be: “He pursued temporary highs, until he died.”

While epicureanism is the default philosophy of most societies these days, asceticism has fallen out of favor. The term ‘asceticism’ comes from the Greek ‘askesis’ meaning disciplined practice. In the early church, Christian hermits and monks were known for their austere lifestyles. They believed the words of Jesus: “If you want to follow Me, you must deny yourself the things you think you want. You must pick up your cross and follow Me.”

Discipleship requires self-discipline. You can EITHER pursue the things you think you want--OR follow Christ. You have to choose. Those who are preoccupied by worldly ambitions are unable to carry the cross. Asceticism can help us get off the treadmill of hedonism. Certain forms of self-regulation can build resilience, mental fortitude, physical endurance, courage, and strength. These virtues are cultivated through disciplined practice. 

Shadow Puppets

“The light of life will overtake those who dwelt in the shadowy darkness.” (Matthew 4:16 VOICE)

Shadow puppetry is a popular form of entertainment all over the world. All you need is a light source and a screen. Any object that blocks the light will create a shadow. An experienced puppeteer can create illusions of all types. Moving figures can be made to walk, dance, sing, or speak. Strategic posturing can be used to make things look bigger or smaller.  Both the puppeteer and the audience can get caught up in these imaginative stories.  

Playing with illusions can be mesmerizing, and the shadow life can be confused as reality. Those who are absorbed in posturing to impress or mislead others often get caught up in their own delusions. They lose their ability to separate between what is performance and what is real. The lines between the reality show lifestyle of vying for attention and expressing their authentic self become blurry. 

Shadow figures are created when we block the source of light. Living in the light can be uncomfortable, because we are not in control. Our shadow images are more easily managed. We can choose to make ourselves bigger or smaller, to hide parts we are not willing to reveal--in order to impress and please others. Thus, we get absorbed in this shadow life of our ego, full of posturing and performance. We convince ourselves that our subjective reality is all there is. We use up our life in the pursuit of pleasure, power, and belonging. No matter that our sense of belonging is with other shadow figures and their false narratives. 

The light of life can overtake those who dwell in shadowy darkness. This involves surrender and conscious change. We must choose to walk in the light and face uncomfortable truths instead of blocking it. We have to let go and turn away from the shadow selves in order to embody our true selves.  The light shows us what is real and what is false. It allows us to progress in understanding. It guides us along paths of purpose. 

Shipping Containers

“And we no longer see each other in our former state—Jew or non-Jew, rich or poor, male or female—because we’re all one through our union with Jesus Christ with no distinction between us." (Galatians 3:28 TPT)

The Port of Houston, one of the largest commercial shipping ports in the U.S., recently shut down for several days because of a hurricane. This area is filled with stacks of steel shipping containers. These large, rectangular boxes are used to transport cargo on trucks, trains, and ships all over the world. Although they come in various colors, hold different cargo, and are bound for different destinations, they were created for one purpose: to streamline the shipping and storage of freight. During a hurricane, all shipping containers are equally protected--no matter what color their exterior or what cargo they carry. The port authority does not discriminate. Everything shuts down until the weather clears up. 

Similarly, humans have different backgrounds, ethnicities, nationalities, sizes, gender, and personalities. Genetics, socioeconomic factors, and cultural influences all play a part in molding each individual. However, we were all created for a similar purpose: to be in union with God with no distinction between us. Our exteriors may look different. Our interiors may house different content. But in times of crisis, we all deserve to be protected equally. 

“Research increasingly shows that racial and ethnic minorities are disproportionately affected by coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) in the United States.” (William F. Marshall, III M.D.) https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/expert-answers/coronavirus-infection-by-race/faq-20488802

During the global Covid pandemic, certain groups of people have suffered disproportionately. The poor and the marginalized are more likely to struggle with underlying health conditions, dense living situations, employment in the service industry, limited access to health care, and discrimination due to racism. During hurricane Katrina and other natural disasters, ethnic minorities suffered the most. The inequities of our societies exacerbate every crisis. In our preoccupation to protect our personal conveniences and privileged lifestyles, we have failed to protect some of the most vulnerable populations. We have decided to take care of our own and let the ‘others’ fend for themselves. We have forgotten we’re all one through our union with Jesus Christ with no distinction between us.

Empathy vs. Indifference

“And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless.” (Matthew 12:7 ESV)

Nick Wright is a popular sports commentator on FOX. He is Caucasian while his wife, Danielle Wright, is Black. In a recent interview, Nick described how his own experiences as a White male in America are different than the experiences of his 18-year-old Black son. Nick uses his influence to plead for empathy and compassion for his son and others who are routinely targeted by authorities because of the way they look. 

Order and predictability are easier in homogenous communities, because it is easier to relate to those who have similar experiences. Yet, even in countries where everyone looks the same, people are marginalized for other reasons. This desire to establish hierarchy is part of our primitive nature.  Seeing ourselves as special and separate is one of the ways we justify self-preservation. This leads to authoritarianism, which is not known for empathy, but for mercilessness. Those with power construct rules to retain power.  When we treat some humans as lesser members of society, when we do not say their names, when we use stereotypes to describe them as thugs, criminals, illegals, rapists--we dehumanize them. We add fuel to flames of animosity. 

How can we cultivate empathy for those who are dissimilar? Let’s look at how we feel toward our pets.  Even though we cannot experience the world the way our dogs do, we still have empathy for them. Why? We humanize our pets; we name them and treat them as part of our families. We love them and do everything we can to take care of them. Why do we find it difficult to extend even this bare minimum level of compassion for our fellow humans? 

Empathy is the ability to connect with others, even when they are different. Compassion is the willingness to share in their suffering. The opposite of empathy is not hate, but indifference--it is a disinclination to look at things from someone else’s perspective. Jesus asked us to be compassionate, to have mercy, to extend grace. As followers of Christ, let us cultivate empathy--and humanize all humans. Let us find ways to relate and see each other as belonging to the same tribe.

Original Music

 “Compose new melodies that release new praises to the Lord.” (Psalm 33:3 TPT)

My friend Shari is a musician. She recently sent me a song that she created completely on her own. I admire her songwriting abilities and her beautiful voice. I am not musically talented, so I am in awe of those who possess this gift. Shari mentioned how much she enjoys creating music even though many people prefer cover tunes that are familiar to them. 

“Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.” (Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.)

Why do we spend years singing versions of cover songs while suppressing our own original music? Why do we copy others rather than find our own voice? Is it because we crave applause and acceptance more than creative expression? Or are we just too lazy to delve within, to discover the lyrics and melodies that are curled up in our souls? Or are we afraid that who we truly are is not worthy of revelation--that it is better to sing popular tunes rather than authentic ones? 

Lord, you have imprinted uniqueness within each of us. Help us to uncover what remains buried. Teach us to compose new melodies with the anointing skills You have provided. May we express our true selves with passion, courage, and self-acceptance.