Lopsided

Homeostasis is the body’s ability to maintain equilibrium by compensating for disruptive changes. When there is a deviation of our normal body temperature, blood pressure, or pH, receptors in our body send signals to our brain. The brain then sends signals to our organs to make adjustments through a negative feedback system. Maintaining homeostasis takes up a lot of energy because our bodies are in a constant state of flux.

Maintaining stasis in a marriage also takes a lot of energy. It’s difficult enough to find your own balance, but when you are yoked together with another person, it becomes even more challenging. For example, when one spouse has a career that is quite demanding in terms of time, flexibility, commitment of resources, stress, and energy—the other spouse ends up having to compensate for this disequilibrium. Once we sense that something is out of balance, we have to address it, even if  it involves negative feedback. Both spouses will have to make adjustments, reevaluate priorities, and modify expectations.

Once we acknowledge that things are lopsided, we can provide each other with a counterbalance. We can make adjustments, give more when it is required, and ask for more when we need it. We can plug up leaks that are draining our resources, while shoring up broken areas in our walls. A harmonious marriage requires this constant attention, feedback, and adaptation. 

Juggling

“Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls-- family, health, friends, integrity-- are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.” (--Gary Keller, The One Thing)

Juggling the balls of work, family, health, relationships, and integrity is something most adults have to do. We attempt to be dedicated to our careers and devoted to our family and friends. We also want to take care of our health and stay true to ourselves. However, we routinely drop the ball on one or more of these goals.

We are forced to choose among all our different commitments. We can’t concentrate on all these things at the same time—at least not for very long. Some of us drop the ball of health first—we stop nourishing our bodies properly; we don’t get adequate rest or exercise; we stop paying attention to our mental and emotional health. Others might drop friendships or family or work before anything else. When we are exhausted, spirituality and personal integrity seem like idealistic luxuries that we cannot afford.

We operate on the false belief that all aspects of our life are equally resilient. Yet, the above quote by Gary Keller reminds us that this is not true. Glass balls can’t be dropped without shattering consequences.