Lopsided

Homeostasis is the body’s ability to maintain equilibrium by compensating for disruptive changes. When there is a deviation of our normal body temperature, blood pressure, or pH, receptors in our body send signals to our brain. The brain then sends signals to our organs to make adjustments through a negative feedback system. Maintaining homeostasis takes up a lot of energy because our bodies are in a constant state of flux.

Maintaining stasis in a marriage also takes a lot of energy. It’s difficult enough to find your own balance, but when you are yoked together with another person, it becomes even more challenging. For example, when one spouse has a career that is quite demanding in terms of time, flexibility, commitment of resources, stress, and energy—the other spouse ends up having to compensate for this disequilibrium. Once we sense that something is out of balance, we have to address it, even if  it involves negative feedback. Both spouses will have to make adjustments, reevaluate priorities, and modify expectations.

Once we acknowledge that things are lopsided, we can provide each other with a counterbalance. We can make adjustments, give more when it is required, and ask for more when we need it. We can plug up leaks that are draining our resources, while shoring up broken areas in our walls. A harmonious marriage requires this constant attention, feedback, and adaptation.