Independent Dreams

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” (Oscar Wilde)

I wish to live a simple, minimalist, quiet, peaceful life. I would like to spend my days tending to my family, friends, and home. This way of life is not selfish, unless it involves asking someone else to compromise how they wish to live.  

As long as our dreams don’t involve other people, we can unselfishly pursue them. Yet, our idealized visions are often enmeshed with the dreams of others…and untangling these codependent dreams is arduous.

When I am crocheting, I spend almost as much time disentangling yarn as I do on my creation. When I’m working on multiple projects, I try to keep each skein of yarn separate, or else it becomes a huge mess. It’s hard enough to unsnarl the knots that seem to form in every skein, but multiple unraveled rolls in the same bag are just a recipe for disaster. 

Similarly, I try to keep my dreams independent. If the fulfillment of my vision involves others having to sacrifice their vision, or vice versa, then it’s sure to become a big mess. Each of us has our own projects to weave, so it’s best to keep our skeins independent.

Jesus Passing By

 ^“Late at night, the boat was far out at sea; Jesus was still by himself on land. He could see his men struggling with the oars, the wind having come up against them. At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them, walking on the sea. He intended to go right by them. But when they saw him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost and screamed, scared out of their wits.

Jesus was quick to comfort them: “Courage! It’s me. Don’t be afraid.” As soon as he climbed into the boat, the wind died down. They were stunned, shaking their heads, wondering what was going on. They didn’t understand what he had done at the supper. None of this had yet penetrated their hearts.”(Mark 6:47-52 MSG)

I have read this passage so many times in the past. I’m usually focused on the parts about Jesus walking on water, telling the disciples to calm down, and then calming the storm. However, this time, the line that stood out to me was: “He intended to go right by them.”

Why would Jesus intend to go right by them? Did Jesus not plan to help the disciples in their struggle?

I think Jesus walked right by them because He wanted them to notice His presence. Jesus wanted them to cease struggling and recall that His power was sufficient in previous crises—and thus will be sufficient in the present crisis. Jesus wanted the disciples to call out for help. He wanted to be invited into the unstable situation.

Lord, help us to cease struggling and call out to you as you pass by. You are just waiting to be asked to come in to our lives and comfort us. Help us to remember all the times you have rescued and saved us. Help us to calm down and trust you to take care of us.

Jael the Homemaker-Assassin

Buried in the book of Judges is the story of Jael. She is described as “most blessed of homemaking women.” (Judges 5:24-27 MSG)

So, how come we don’t hear much about this paragon of womanhood?

Well, here’s the rest of Jael’s story: Sisera, a cruel oppressing general, comes to her tent (home) asking for a drink of water. She decides to be extra hospitable—gives him milk in a nice bowl. After the oppressor falls asleep, Jael drives a tent peg through his head and kills him!

I’m not sure what to make of this story…but for some reason, I’m amused by it. I’m not advocating that anyone kill their unwanted guests. However, I’m intrigued by this obscure character from the Bible. Why is she called ‘most blessed of homemaking women’, and then, a few lines later, she is smashing someone’s head in?

My thoughts: Jael was not about to let a tyrant oppress her in her own home. So she lulled him into complacency and then, like any good homemaker, she ‘took care’ of the tyrant.

As women, we have the right to defend our homes against tyrants. We need to know when to put a stop to the nonsense, when to say enough is enough…when to put a peg in it.  

Praise

(Psalm Study)

“Let every created thing give praise to the Lord.” (Psalm 148:5)

Praise is about acknowledging greatness and worth. When I acknowledge God’s greatness with every breath and take His power as a given in every situation, then it completely changes my perspective.

We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent and the divine is shining through it all the time." -- Thomas Merton

I must admit that it is easier to notice the divine in pleasant experiences—the birds, trees swaying in the wind, and a child’s smile. Yet, I also notice God’s glory in the worst situations. Not at first, because I have a hard time looking past the mess. But once I learn to focus a bit beyond the horrible circumstances, I notice God’s divine light shining through, albeit faintly, because it is covered in mud. 

Lord, help me to look beyond the unpleasantness and notice your divine light in all circumstances. I want to live in such a way that takes your power and greatness for granted. I don’t want to worry or be anxious about anything; instead I shall praise you—acknowledge your greatness and trustworthiness. 

Serenity Bubbles

In my last post, I talked about creating little pockets of peace amidst periods of oppression. Even when we can’t escape physically, we can mentally get away to a happy place. I’d like to mention a few such moments that have lightened my load. I think of them as my own private serenity bubbles.

--I recall moments of laughter with my husband and son.

--I remember all the pretty hikes with my dog.

--I relive the sweet memory of sitting in my friend’s kitchen while she cooked me the most wonderful nurturing food and served it with pure love.

--I have a picture of an old, rickety cabin surrounded by mountains and a river. I imagine myself in this place, snuggled in peace and privacy.

--I think of how things could be worse and thank God for the blessings I have right now.

--I remind myself of witty quotes I’ve read.

--I think of times I’ve walked around Costco with good friends. (Yes, I know it’s weird, but it’s my bubble, so don’t judge!)

--I write—in my head.

--I repeat strengthening Bible verses in my mind. 

Serenity bubbles are fragile and can burst easily. Thus, I’m protective of these pleasant memories and rarely speak of them. I try not to expose them to the harshness of reality. Like heirloom glass balls, I keep them safely wrapped up in my hope chest. On difficult days, I take them out, one by one. An inexplicable calm and strength comes over me. And then…I wrap them back up and put them away securely. 

Rehabilitation

How come some prisoners serve their sentence and come out rehabilitated, while others just become hardened criminals? I read some accounts written by ex-convicts who came out of their periods of incarceration as better individuals. Most of them cited education and supportive relationships as integral to rehabilitation. 

Nelson Mandela, who was a political prisoner for more than 27 years, shared the following lessons from prison life: Look brave even when you don’t feel brave. Create little pockets of peace.

Viktor Frankl, who was imprisoned in a German concentration camp, said the following: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” 

If we are going through a prison-like experience, is there a way to use this time to reform ourselves?

When our independence is taken away from us for a period of time, we learn to appreciate many little things we used to take for granted and still do. We learn empathy for those in similar circumstances. We also learn about our own strengths and flaws and our subconscious beliefs. This is our education. 

Some of us are blessed with supportive relationships—people who can be relied on even in the worst of circumstances. It is invaluable to have at least one person in your life who is consistently available, encouraging, and empowering. 

Prison takes away our freedom to make many choices, but it also clarifies the choices that we have left. We can choose our attitude. We can choose to be brave even when we are frightened. We can create little pockets of peace—appreciating every minute of privacy, enjoying a bit of fresh air, sharing laughter with a friend, focusing on something beautiful for a little while, showing kindness to a fellow prisoner, savoring every pleasant second, and reminiscing about sweet memories. 

Good Bitch

My favorite scene from the movie The Wizard of Oz is when Glinda the Good Witch tells the Wicked Witch: “Oh rubbish. You have no power here…Begone!”

This scene raises a lot of questions for me:

1.     How can I recognize ‘rubbish’ when I hear it?

2.     Why do I give others power over me?

3.     Do I really have the power to dismissively shoo off Wicked Witches?

4.     Does it take a Good Witch (or Bitch) to handle a Wicked Witch (or Bitch)?

“A Bitch occupies a lot of psychological space. You always know she is around. A Bitch takes shit from no one. You may not like her, but you cannot ignore her.” (from the ‘The Bitch Manifesto’ by Joreen) 

Until I saw The Wizard of Oz, I always thought of all witches as evil. If it takes a Good Witch to dismiss a Wicked Witch, then it must take a Good Bitch to confront a Wicked Bitch. My Inner Bitch stays dormant most of the time. I’m not really proud of her, but I keep her around for emergencies. Someone recently pointed out to me that it might be time to retire the Good Bitch costume; that it doesn’t suit me anymore. I’m not sure I agree.

I release my Inner Good Bitch when confronted by a Wicked Bitch. The Good Bitch recognizes ‘rubbish’ when she hears it. She doesn’t cower or allow evil to overpower her. Instead, she banishes evil with a wave of her hand, saying: You have no power here…Begone!