Love Authentically

“Love others well, and don’t hide behind a mask; love authentically.” (Romans 12:9 MSG)

We live in a world full of superficial busyness, incessant diversions, and insatiable aspirations. This environment becomes a breeding ground for inauthentic, delusional people who are incapable of inner transformation. They don't really change; they just switch costumes/masks. 

Emotional neediness can often be confused with love. Relationships based on similar interests, shared history, or feeling validated can be enjoyable. The desire to belong and be accepted is part of human nature. Unfortunately, these cravings can lead us down distorted paths that lead to dead ends. If you are kind to someone because you want him to like you, or because he makes you feel good about yourself or affirms your worthiness as an individual--the cords that connect you are based on emotional neediness and insecurity. Love requires wanting what is beneficial for the other, even when it isn’t profitable for us. For example, if my best friend were considering moving to a far away country, and I knew this move would be beneficial for her growth--love would allow me to encourage what is best for her, even when it would be a loss for me personally.

Self-awareness and self-acceptance are prerequisites to authentic relationships. Contemplation, honesty, wisdom, transparency, consistency, and devotion are necessary steps to inner growth. Those who hide behind masks are unable to like or accept their true selves. Recognize what is genuine. Don’t accept or distribute anything counterfeit. Build on foundations of truth. Love authentically. 

One Team

“In this new creation life, your nationality makes no difference, or your ethnicity, education, or economic status—they matter nothing. For it is Christ that means everything as he lives in every one of us!” (Colossians 3:11 TPT)

Before he became a pastor, Jake Each was a football player. In a sermon about diversity and connection, Pastor Jake mentioned that he has experienced more unity on football teams than in other areas of his life. Sports teams have a shared identity, mission, and purpose, even though there are a variety of roles and skill sets. Differences in race, nationality, political leanings, religion, socioeconomic status, etc., are pushed aside so that everyone can focus on the success of the team. 

The Bible teaches us that everyone is defined by Christ and included in Christ. As such, we are part of a team with a shared identity, mission, and purpose. Skin color, citizenship, gender, political leanings, religious affiliation, education, economic status--none of these things matter. The same God who created you, created me. We may have different backgrounds, skills, and roles to play, but we are all on one team. We are called to encourage and support each other, to bring out the goodness in one another. For it is Christ that means everything as HE lives in every one of us!

Ride Along

“You have experienced a deepening friendship with the Holy Spirit and have felt his tender affection and mercy.” (Philippians 2:1 TPT)

One of my favorite ways to spend time with my husband is to ride along while he is driving somewhere. Oftentimes there is no real reason for me to join him other than companionship. He doesn’t need me in the passenger seat while he is running errands. However, I enjoy this time alone with him. There are minimal distractions, so we get to talk about all sorts of things. It’s not that I don’t have other things to do, but I set them aside and make this a priority.   

This is what God wants from us too--a deep friendship, the desire to be in His presence, time alone, and communion. He invites me along as He goes about His purposes. He didn’t pick me because of my usefulness or any special attributes. He doesn’t need me. God is perfectly capable of handling everything even if I don’t participate. However, I feel privileged to be included in God’s purposes. Riding along with God prevents me from being able to do my own thing. I usually have a multitude of things I want to accomplish and chores to get done. Yet, I set them all aside and make being with the Lord my priority. 

Heart Surgery

“He has taught you to let go of the lifestyle of the ancient man, the old self - life, which was corrupted by sinful and deceitful desires that spring from delusions. Now it’s time to be made new by every revelation that’s been given to you. And to be transformed as you embrace the glorious Christ-within as your new life and live in union with him! For God has re-created you all over again in his perfect righteousness, and you now belong to him in the realm of true holiness.” (Ephesians 4:22-24 TPT)

Those who have cosmetic surgery may tell the surgeon what they want during a pre-op visit--a certain shape of nose, fat taken out from areas, implants added to other places, etc. However, those who need heart surgery do not direct their surgeon. They don’t go in before the operation and ask for a little adjustment in the valves or a bit of clearing in the arteries. They trust that the surgeon knows what they need better than they do. 

Your old lifestyle was based on delusions. You imagined that life was manageable. You thought you knew what was best and just needed God’s assistance to make some minor cosmetic adjustments here and there. Then, suddenly, you realize your need for deeper transformation. It’s time to be renewed by every revelation that’s been given to you. You submit to a heart-level surgery. You trust God to do what is needed. You do not give Him directions or opinions on how He can make your life better. You simply surrender. And God re-creates you all over again in his perfect righteousness, in true holiness. As you embrace the glorious Christ-within and live in union with Him, you are healed and made whole. 

Caring and Praying

“The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. (1 Corinthians 6:17 NLT)

When we pray, we participate with God in His work. We enter into a private space with Jesus and shut the door behind us. This is the time to share our concerns, fears, hopes, questions, gratefulness, and supplications. When we are praying for others, we bring them with us into the Lord’s presence. We submit them to God. Like an assistant who works with a healthcare provider, we become part of the care team. 

Prayer is a form of spiritual care. When we pray, our eyes and ears are opened, our hearts are softened, and we are able to perceive what we couldn’t before. Prayer brings clarity, patience, empathy, love, forgiveness, and wisdom. The more we pray, the more we become invested. It is impossible to continually pray for someone and not care about them. As we submit our concerns to God and wait with expectation, we learn to depend on Him rather than on our own resources. We grow in intimacy and trust, joined in one spirit with the Lord.

Micro-Choices

“They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers.” (Acts 2:42 MSG)

During a wedding, the bride and groom make a life-time commitment to each other. They promise to love and cherish each other, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health. These vows are validated or undermined by the thousands of micro-choices they make for the rest of their time together. Every day, they get to decide whether to treat each other with respect, kindness, honesty, and appreciation. Thoughts, tones, words, body language, behavior--all convey devotion or the lack of it.  When a couple gets divorced, most everyone points to the macro-flaws--infidelity, ideological differences, addiction, etc. Yet, it’s the commonplace cracks, which multiply over time, that truly cause the breach.  

Many of us, at some point in our lives, make a commitment to God. Depending on our religious background, we may have different terms and ceremonies that mark this moment. Our devotion is proved or disproved by the thousands of micro-choices we make in our day-to-day living--our attitudes, our thoughts, our responses, our actions. It’s the commonplace details, the consistent dedication, and the attentive discipline that sustains our commitment to the Lord.

 “Our work as God’s servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times.” (2 Corinthians 6:4 MSG)

Worthiness and Validation

The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions. (Proverbs 10:11 NLT)

The older I get, the more selective I have become about investments of time and energy. I know what is important to me: authenticity, vulnerability, honesty, consistency, self-awareness, kindness, and faith. AND, I know what I cannot tolerate: hypocrisy, arrogance, manipulation, dishonesty, ostentation, and exploitation. No matter how attentive or flattering someone is to me, I cannot overlook these deficiencies. Having clear priorities helps me winnow the wheat from the chaff. 

Scripture teaches us that the words of the godly are life-giving, while the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions. Religiosity is not equivalent to  godliness. How can we differentiate between those who have sincere motives and those who are disingenuous?

Seek out people with values, not merely those who validate you. Invest in those who are inherently good over those who make you feel good. These people are rare, so it will take some searching. Once you find them, stay close and learn from their example. Be the kind of person who is life-giving and encouraging. Reach out and extend a hand to those who are on the same journey. Lead others to growth and strength without expectations of personal gain.