Pit of Despair

If a friend has fallen into the ‘Pit of Despair’—what should one do to help? My first instinct is to go down into the Pit, to sit and listen, to acknowledge her pain, and to try to comfort her. I offer words and gifts that I hope will be soothing—tissues, food, chocolate, scripture verses, books; I know how therapeutic it is to feel cared for in times of grief, because I have been in the Pit myself—and good friends came to me, ministered to me, and nourished me until I regained enough strength to climb out.

What they didn’t do was help me decorate my ‘Pit’—they didn’t bring throw pillows that encouraged me to make a nest and stay in this Pit indefinitely. Instead of cushions, my friends brought me a ladder. They nurtured me at the peak of my pain and then supported me while I learned to climb up and out of my depression.

So, when I am ministering to those in despair, I have learned to bring ladders rather than cushions. It is natural for a grieving person to have a skewed perception of reality—to wallow in guilt, blame others, rail against the injustice, and feel hopeless about the future. However, it is important not to encourage those in despair to fall into the traps of deceptive thinking. This just digs a deeper hole. Instead, offer words and counsel that strengthen and bring clarity—ladders that empower them to climb out of the darkness into the light.