Christianity, along with most other religions, values self-denial, forgiveness, kindness, and patience. We are taught to tolerate mistreatment, to turn the other cheek, to put the needs of others before our own. The desire to live virtuously oftentimes blurs the boundaries of personal accountability.
Codependency is defined as a dysfunctional, helping relationship where one person enables another person’s unhealthy behavior. It is essentially a boundary issue. Codependence often masquerades as kindness. It is often motivated by our own guilt and approval addiction. This leads to coerced generosity, shame-based sacrifice, and obligatory caretaking. The ultimate result of codependency is self-disrespect.
Boundaries promote self-respect; their absence, on the other hand, invites disrespect, manipulation, and degradation. Knowing what is ‘okay’ and what is ‘not okay’ requires maturity. Being able to say YES to what is healthy and NO to what is unhealthy is a sign of responsibility. Continuing to stand up for ourselves, even when it is tiresome, involves personal strength and integrity. The ability to have boundaries and enforce them is a practiced skill. There will always be some discomfort involved in setting limits, but the more we stand our ground, the stronger we get. If we don’t care for ourselves, if we don’t value ourselves, if we don’t respect ourselves, how can we expect others to do so?
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