Empty Shell Marriages

Sociology textbooks define Empty Shell Marriages as: A marriage in name only, where a couple continues to live under the same roof but as separate individuals. It may occur where divorce is difficult for legal, religious or financial reasons, or where a couple decides to stay together for the sake of the children. http://quizlet.com/23232113/aqa-as-sociology-key-conceptsdefinitions-families-and-households-flash-cards/

Empty shell marriages have no life inside them—only the outside shell remains. Shells can appear pretty—even when they are empty. Sadly, too many marriages end up in this state after a few years.

One of the first signs of an empty shell marriage is a loss of respect for each other. Some spouses are careful not to verbalize this disrespect. Yet, we all know intuitively whether someone respects us or not.

Communication is the next thing to seep out of the shell. Most often, these couples choose not to share their emotions or their daily struggles with each other. And when they do communicate, it is usually combative or manipulative.

Apathy sets in. Each spouse turns to his/her own separate interests, hobbies, careers, and friends. Personal advancement takes precedence over the spiritual and emotional well-being of the other spouse.

In his book, The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck defines love as: “The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” I found this concept interesting: Love as an investment of myself in order to promote the spiritual health of others.

When we think of a loveless marriage, we expect it to be devoid of passion, intimacy, and mutual interests. We expect the couple to have separate lives, while still residing under the same roof. However, we fail to recognize the early warning signs. We don’t notice the slow seepage of respect, empathy, and transparency. We fail to predict the long term consequences of spiritual stagnation.

Unfortunately, most of us expect that all marriages will deteriorate into lifeless, loveless, empty shells over time. However, I have witnessed marriages that are still thriving even into their third and fourth decades. What’s their secret? (Further thoughts on this subject in the next post)