Lust for Vindication

“O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself.” (St. Augustine)

I can identify with St. Augustine’s statement. I too have a compulsion to explain myself. When I feel convicted about a wrong course of action or attitude, my first instinct is to justify why I am the way I am. I tend to defend my position. I may admit that I’m not perfect…but then, who is? I rationalize (mostly to myself) that I have a right to my opinion.

The lust for vindication limits growth. If we are adamant about defending our current position, we are unlikely to accept criticism. While we justify ourselves, we remain stagnant. Focusing on self-gratification prevents us from evolving into mature, compassionate individuals.

Only the Lord can deliver us from this desire to always justify our thoughts and actions. We have to admit to ourselves and others when we are wrong. Then, we ask for divine intervention to fix these flaws in us.

Lord, fix me. Help me to evolve into the person you created me to be.

Lust

According to the dictionary, one of the definitions for lust is--a passionate or overmastering desire or craving. 
 
The phrase 'overmastering desire' seems to fit well with my recent thoughts. 

When your desire becomes your master, then you become the slave.

In the last post, I mentioned how our cravings lead us into common traps. Our lust for security, stability, control, attention, acceptance, understanding, and purpose can be overpowering.

Why would you willingly give up your power and freedom and allow your desires to control you? Some of us are unable to recognize that our obsessions and addictions are enslaving us. Yet, I suspect that most of us are able to sense whether a habit is life-enhancing or life-limiting. 

Love serves. Lust controls. Love leads to growth, a willingness to give of yourself, commitment and devotion. Lust, on the other hand, is rooted in self-gratification and thus leads to stagnation and eventual degradation, discontent, and destruction. If a habit or pursuit causes us to descend rather than ascend, we might want to reevaluate its worthiness. Lust is just misdirected love.

 "Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.” (1 John. 2:15-17 MSG)

Let Go

Many of you might have heard of monkey traps. These traps consist of a container with a hole cut into it that is just wide enough for a monkey to stick its empty hand into. Something attractive to the monkey is placed in such a container. Most monkeys will reach in for the bait but will not let go and thus are trapped and captured.  I've heard of similar traps being used to catch raccoons as well.

Monkey traps come in many different forms. Our desires for control, financial security, respect, prestige, love, attention, affection, affirmation...can become entrapments. If we refuse to let go of these lures that we imagine will bring us happiness, we will become shackled by our desires and thus unable to live freely. Letting go of our idealistic viewpoints and dreams is difficult. However, once we realize that the alternative is bondage, it's sheer stubbornness to keep hanging on to these ideas.

The truth about monkey traps is that the monkey never gets to enjoy what is within his grasp. What's the point of hanging on to our acquisitions, accomplishments, and relationships, if we can't find satisfaction?

Just Let Go. Release your desires and worries to God. Be free.

Addictions

As most of my friends know, I tend to have an obsessive compulsive streak. When I get fixated on a habit, it's similar to an addiction. I know it is not life-enhancing, yet I can't seem to change. It's like I'm in a desert, and all I can think of is how to get a drink.

“If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way" (John 7:37-39 MSG)

I am thirsty and parched. I long for a drink. This desire overtakes everything else. I become obsessed with finding an oasis, but I can't differentiate a mirage from a real aquifer.

Come to me and drink. In order to quench our desire, we have to be able to distinguish between a real source and a mirage. The longer we remain dehydrated, the more susceptible we are to hallucinations. Once we find a source of water, we must not wander away. We must come to the aquifer and drink.

God is the source and culmination of our desire. His Spirit brims and spills out of our depths. This Spirit satisfies our thirst. This is the perpetual spring that nourishes our soul. Everything else is just a mirage.

Faithfulness

What does it mean to be faithful? Between spouses, it has been reduced to mean 'refraining from adultery'. If you are faithful to a cause or a job, it means you are loyal. If you are faithful to a habit, it implies you do it consistently.

Faithfulness is so much more than consistency, loyalty, and fidelity. Faith equals trust. When you have faith in someone, you trust them enough to follow them into any situation. How many of us trust our spouses enough to follow them into bankruptcy or homelessness?

This level of faithfulness has to be reserved for a higher power. Relying on a spouse, or a job, or a cause to lead you in the right direction can be short-sighted. Humans are not meant to function under that kind of pressure. Misplaced faith leads to toppled lives.

Remain faithful to God. Be willing to follow Him into any situation. He is trustworthy. His plans are dependable. Even when they make no sense to us, even when it involves suffering, we can be sure that God will not lead us in the wrong direction.

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." (Job 13:15 NKJV)

Warriors

I just finished reading The Art of War by Sun Tzu. It’s filled with military strategies. Some of the ideas can be useful in dealing with our daily battles.

 “If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.” (Sun Tzu)

Understanding your opponent involves an impartial analysis of his skills and weaknesses. Carefully study your opponent. An opponent doesn’t necessarily have to be your enemy. It can be anyone you have dealings with, whether it’s a friend, a client, a coworker, an employer, or a family member.

It is hard to be impartial when you feel passionate about a situation. And, it’s difficult to fight for something if you don’t believe passionately in it. Knowing your enemy without being clouded by emotion is harder than it sounds at first.

Knowing ourselves involves being conscious of the enemy within. Our weak areas have to be shielded. Our skills have to be strengthened. Tests of stamina and endurance may improve our confidence. However, good judgment, self-control, and mental discipline are the keys to fighting our inner battles.

“Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?” (Sun Tzu)

Awareness allows us to leap up to a higher plane. It’s the difference between being a foot soldier and a warrior on a horse. A warrior on a horse can see much farther, and this perspective gives him an advantage. Conscious awareness of ourselves and others allows us to move past mere good intentions to winning these battles.

Expressive People

I’ve been noticing the difference between expressive and inexpressive individuals. Expressive people are always communicating verbally and nonverbally. They have animated faces, maintain eye contact, smile, talk without reservation, their arms gesticulate and reach out without hesitation. On the other hand, inexpressive people are hard to read. Their emotions and feelings are a mystery. They look disinterested. Frequently, they are misconstrued as unfriendly.

I’m so animated that I could be a cartoon character! I have big eyes on a small face, a bobbly head on the end of a long neck, hands that gesticulate wildly, while words spill out of my mouth incessantly. However, I’m very familiar with people on the other end of the spectrum. I have several close friends and family members that are introverted. Some of them have told me that it takes a lot of energy for them to express themselves. This was really difficult for me to understand. I naturally assumed that they just are not as interested in me as I in them.

 

Then, I thought of this analogy: Some refrigerators have ice dispensers on the door. You just have to go press your glass on the dispenser and you can fill up on ice, crushed or cubed, without a second thought. Fridges that don’t have this option require you to open the freezer door, take out ice trays, wiggle the plastic trays back and forth to dislodge a few cubes, then refill them back with water, and then put them back in the freezer. It’s so much more work to get some ice this way that most of the time one only takes the minimum that is needed.

Some of us easily dispense our feelings. All one has to do is lean a bit on us. Everything that is within us comes pouring out and occasionally, more than is needed. On the other hand, introverts require a bit more work to access. It’s just how they are made. Extroverts can’t get frustrated about this. At least these introverts aren’t spilling their guts out to everybody indiscriminately.

Extroverts may seem needier than introverts. Well, that’s because introverts are used to getting what they want from us extroverts without much effort. Their cup runneth over with attention in any form they desire. Introverts have to understand that extroverts rarely get filled up. We understand how much work it takes to extract a cube of emotion from them, and we only take the bare minimum for each occasion.

I agree that extroverts tend to have it easier in life. People perceive them as friendly, expressive and responsive. Yet, when paired with introverts, we tend to come off as needy attention seekers. Maybe if we understood each other’s differences it wouldn’t be as frustrating. Maybe expressive people wouldn’t keep pushing their cup against an introvert’s non-dispensing door. And maybe, inexpressive people wouldn’t take for granted how easily their cup is filled.