Expressive People

I’ve been noticing the difference between expressive and inexpressive individuals. Expressive people are always communicating verbally and nonverbally. They have animated faces, maintain eye contact, smile, talk without reservation, their arms gesticulate and reach out without hesitation. On the other hand, inexpressive people are hard to read. Their emotions and feelings are a mystery. They look disinterested. Frequently, they are misconstrued as unfriendly.

I’m so animated that I could be a cartoon character! I have big eyes on a small face, a bobbly head on the end of a long neck, hands that gesticulate wildly, while words spill out of my mouth incessantly. However, I’m very familiar with people on the other end of the spectrum. I have several close friends and family members that are introverted. Some of them have told me that it takes a lot of energy for them to express themselves. This was really difficult for me to understand. I naturally assumed that they just are not as interested in me as I in them.

 

Then, I thought of this analogy: Some refrigerators have ice dispensers on the door. You just have to go press your glass on the dispenser and you can fill up on ice, crushed or cubed, without a second thought. Fridges that don’t have this option require you to open the freezer door, take out ice trays, wiggle the plastic trays back and forth to dislodge a few cubes, then refill them back with water, and then put them back in the freezer. It’s so much more work to get some ice this way that most of the time one only takes the minimum that is needed.

Some of us easily dispense our feelings. All one has to do is lean a bit on us. Everything that is within us comes pouring out and occasionally, more than is needed. On the other hand, introverts require a bit more work to access. It’s just how they are made. Extroverts can’t get frustrated about this. At least these introverts aren’t spilling their guts out to everybody indiscriminately.

Extroverts may seem needier than introverts. Well, that’s because introverts are used to getting what they want from us extroverts without much effort. Their cup runneth over with attention in any form they desire. Introverts have to understand that extroverts rarely get filled up. We understand how much work it takes to extract a cube of emotion from them, and we only take the bare minimum for each occasion.

I agree that extroverts tend to have it easier in life. People perceive them as friendly, expressive and responsive. Yet, when paired with introverts, we tend to come off as needy attention seekers. Maybe if we understood each other’s differences it wouldn’t be as frustrating. Maybe expressive people wouldn’t keep pushing their cup against an introvert’s non-dispensing door. And maybe, inexpressive people wouldn’t take for granted how easily their cup is filled.