Focusing on the Positives

A Complaint Free World, by Will Bowen, challenges readers to go for 21 days in a row without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping. His definition of complaining is broad—it includes any expression of discontent. If you say: “It’s raining,” and you are discontent about that fact—then it’s complaining. I doubt I’m going to get through a single day of not expressing discontent! Oh darn, I’ve just expressed discontent by typing that statement! I have become aware of how much more I fixate on negative experiences than on positive ones.

I don’t want to pretend that injustice and pain don’t exist in this world. Yet, griping about problems without coming up with solutions is unproductive. For example: “It’s probably going to rain today, and I’m going to get soaked,” is an unproductive negative statement. However, “It’s probably going to rain today, so I’m taking my umbrella,” is still negative, but with a productive countermeasure.

What if there isn’t a workable remedy to the negative situation? Is there value in just venting and making others aware of a problem?

As I write this, I’m thinking of a friend who is going through a really rough patch right now. I think her venting is very healthy—without it, she might implode and self-destruct. However, I have a relative who is a chronic complainer. Almost every sentence that comes out of her mouth is negative or a preamble to criticism. She imagines that her griping is productive—that it keeps everyone from falling into disaster; but none of us have that much power or influence over circumstances. 

I would like to switch my focus to the blessings all around me and let everything else get blurry. This is very difficult. My eyes are naturally drawn in to the imperfections in every situation. I have to take my mind off of autofocus and manually focus on the positives. This is going to take a great deal of conscious, intentional effort!  

Thick Skin

Most women desire to have soft feet. My feet are callused from running. I used to routinely scrape the thick skin off my callused feet so I, too, would have soft skin. However, my feet would hurt the next day when I ran, and the calluses came back within a few days.

Calluses—thick skin that develops as a reaction to pressure and friction—are the body’s way of defending itself. It isn’t aesthetically pleasing, but it’s functional. The best way to deal with calluses is to reduce the cause—the pressure and friction. However, if we can’t make changes, or don’t desire to make changes—then it’s best to leave the protective calluses alone.

I don’t want to stop running, so I have learned some ways to care for my feet. First of all, I have accepted that my feet are not going to look or feel like that of a non-runner. I buy shoes that are a bit bigger to give my feet room to expand as my mileage increases. Since dry, cracked feet are not helpful, I moisturize my feet daily and give myself foot rubs to increase circulation. And finally, I no longer file my calluses down—instead I admire their thickness.

If you have developed a ‘thick skin’—a mental toughness due to pressure or trauma—don’t be in a hurry to get rid of it. If you want to stop whatever is causing the pressure and friction, that’s fine—but don’t just scrape away your protective coating. Nurture yourself. Don’t neglect to care for the parts that are traumatized. Yet, keep the thick insulation that prevents further damage. Although not aesthetically pleasing, it is functional. Accept it as your personal shield of armor.   

Suburbs

Many of us live in the suburbs, in residential communities that are close enough for daily commuting to a city. Suburbs feel safer, more detached—while still allowing us to rely on the larger city.

At times, I have lived in the suburb of Despondency—on the outskirts of the city of Darkness. I have also lived in the village of Hope—nearby the city of Light.

Both suburbs have allowed me access to the big cities while lulling me into a false state of complacency. It allows me to retain some sense of identity, to stay uncommitted, to not really belong—since I’m just a commuter. 

I would never intentionally live or work in the city of Darkness, so why would I reside in the suburb Despondency? My wish is to live and work in the city of Light, so the suburb of Hope seems like a good place to start.

Wordless Prayer

“My raised hands are my evening prayer.” (Ps. 141:1-2 MSG)

There is a beautiful simplicity in wordless prayer. I used to equate adoration with silent praise—but now I realize that even when I’m not speaking, my mind is still filled with words. Adoration is wordless praise. Yet, it is difficult for me to go from too many words to none at all. So, I am learning to be a minimalist in prayer. I go to a solitary place, I raise my hands up, and I use my ten fingers to help me focus. For ten breaths I focus on one word: Father; another ten breaths focused on another word: Jesus; another ten breaths: Holy Spirit. Then, I move on to ten breaths of thanksgiving—silently counting off things I’m feeling thankful for right at that moment. Yes, it’s still wordy, even though it is silent,—but I’m getting closer. 

My usual form of prayer is filled with requests and concerns, lots of pleading petitions, and suggestions on how God could improve his customer satisfaction scores. I rarely feel centered and calm after these sessions. 

I’m hoping to train my mind to only focus on God and completely surrender to His will—knowing He is capable of taking care of everything without reminders or suggestions.  

“Dear Lord, I only have eyes for you. Since I’ve run for dear life to you, take good care of me.” (Ps. 141:8 MSG)

Managing Others

I absolutely hate being manipulated.

The definition of manipulation: to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner.

When we try to manage or influence others and call it ‘helping’—is it just another form of manipulation? Are we just ‘helping’ them to do things according to our ideals?

Most conflicts are based on power struggles. Opposing sides have different visions on ‘how things ought to be’ and proceed to convince others to go along with their ideals. Some battles involve physical violence, while others employ hurtful words and manipulative tactics.

Once we recognize that God is in charge of both sides of every battle, we can rest from struggling.

Lord, You are in charge of me and everyone else. You are the Manager of the entire universe. You are able to influence people’s choices, thoughts, actions, and attitudes. I don’t have to be in constant power struggles with those who are trying to control me. You are in control of me and them. I can be tranquil and at peace, confident in Your managerial skills.

Bothersome Flies

There is a stupid fly that has been buzzing around all morning while I’m trying to write. I’ve tried to whack it several times, but it moves too quickly. Why does this fly bother me? Why can’t I just ignore it? It doesn’t bite like a mosquito. It probably spreads disease, but whatever germs it has on its feet are probably already on every surface of this room. So, really, there is no point in me getting flustered by this little fly. Yet, I am. I’ve been watching it, following its every move, waiting for it to rest on any surface. Once, it sat so close to me that I could see it rubbing its hands together sinisterly—probably plotting how to distract me for another few hours. Stupid fly! Stupid me…

I get bothered by things like this all the time. If I could just recognize that all these things that I am distressed about are just temporal and not eternal—that what is troubling in human terms is not troublesome to God.

“Darkness isn’t dark to you.” (Ps. 139:12 MSG)

What we humans consider dark, hopeless, scary, and insurmountable—for YOU, LORD—it is not so. Nothing fazes You. And since we have your reassuring presence, nothing should faze us either. Help us to see clearly beyond human worldly drama to divine spiritual reality. 

Pregnant with Strength

(Psalm Study)

Mammals differ in their gestation periods based on a variety of factors. Larger animals tend to have much longer gestation periods than smaller ones. Marsupials tend to have shorter gestations since they carry their young in pouches after birth.

When I was pregnant with my son, I went through a multitude of phases. At first, nobody (not even I) knew that someone new was growing inside me. During the first trimester, my body reacted unfavorably to the internal changes. It took another few months before I started to ‘show’—where others could see that I was changing. Finally, after nine months, the person who was growing inside me was delivered.

“You made my life large with strength.” (Ps. 138:3 MSG)

“You encourage me by giving me strength.” (Ps. 138:3 NLT)

As I read the above verse, it reminded me of a friend who is going through a tough time right now. Yet, I can sense that the Lord has planted a seed of strength in her. It is incubating, still imperceptible, and I don’t know how long the gestation will be. I hope to be by her side while she goes through this period of stretching and growth. As she carries this inner strength to term, I wait with her, expectantly, for the day when her strength will be delivered and visible—when all this heaviness will finally bear fruit. 

Lord, you give us strength through your Spirit that is in us. Every trial is a time of gestation for this inner strength to grow. Help us to call out the inner strength in each other.