What Doesn't Work

"We all must fail from time to time—we have to figure out what doesn’t work so we can find out what does." (Joshua Fields Millburn, Everything That Remains)

What doesn’t work—I could write a whole series about this subject. I have made many mistakes and have learned a great deal about What NOT To Do in marriage, friendship, parenting, fitness, finances, housework, homeschooling…

However, the lessons I learn from my failures are specific for me. What works for someone else might not work for me. What doesn’t work for me, might work fine for someone else.

Failure can be useful as long as each of us learns what doesn’t work for our temperament or situation. This is what maturity and experience are all about. Some people learn quickly from mistakes. Others have to repeat different versions of the same mistake, for years, before they finally notice that there is a pattern.

I frequently experience backaches. Sometimes it happens shortly after I try a new exercise or lift something with one hand. I would attempt to do one-handed pushups. Within a few hours, I would have a backache. So I would determine not to do that move again. It might be a few months before I try some other slightly different move, and hurt my back again. It took me years to figure out that most asymmetrical movements that involved my back muscles ended up giving me a backache. I couldn’t figure out why other people could do these moves without any problems, but I couldn’t. When lifting anything, I would have to distribute the weight evenly, or else it resulted in back pain. It took me years of pain to discover what not to do.

My problem is that I have weak back muscles caused by a slight lordosis of my back. I have to do specific back strengthening exercises. At the same time, I have to avoid certain moves that exacerbate my problem. Failure can help us figure out what doesn’t work, but there might be a long gap before we actually figure out what does work. Failure just allows us to notice that there is a problem. And we have to recognize the problem before we can discover possible ways to cope. I am still learning how to adapt and be functional, to implement workable solutions while avoiding past mistakes.

Mistakes precede maturity, pain precedes healing, and stupidity precedes wisdom.