Speaking of Pushing Carts...

Yesterday, after I had written the previous post on pushing carts, I went to the grocery store. While in the produce section, I witnessed the following scene: A young mother was pushing a full grocery cart. Her infant was in a carrier placed on the cart. While she was struggling to push everything, I noticed that there was a man with her--walking about two steps behind her, with his arms in his pockets, staring up at the ceiling. She asked him: “Could you pick out some bananas?”

This little tableau bothered me SO MUCH! I immediately prayed that my son wouldn’t grow up to be like this young man. I guess I should give this man props for coming to the store with his woman. I’m sure there are plenty of men who are staying home playing Xbox or something equally useless while their women are bearing most of the burdens of taking care of their families.

How does this happen? How do young men turn out to be like this?

Ron Lint, in his book, True North: A Father’s Compass, discusses the vicious cycle of this epidemic. He says that irresponsibility stems from immaturity. When an immature mind shirks his responsibilities, a vacuum is created. Some other responsible person may step in to the void and take care of the situation. “There are consequences, however. When you allow some other person to carry out your responsibilities, that person and all who are watching lose respect for you. When you are not respected, you cannot establish a vision or provide leadership—nobody will listen or follow. You look silly and insignificant—unmanly. Respect is of paramount importance to a man…men cannot operate effectively without the internal empowerment of respect.” (from True North: A Father’s Compass, by Ron Lint)

This cycle of immaturity, irresponsibility, loss of self-respect, and dependency—has led to a serious breakdown of society. Those who are responsible pick up the slack for those who are not. While this makes the responsible individuals feel empowered and capable, it shrinks and debilitates the other.

Each of us has to do his/her own physical exercises in order to develop strength. Similarly, maturity exercises have to be done by each individual. I can’t do extra push-ups for others. As a parent of a young man, I realize that I need to step back from filling the natural vacuum space that is part of adolescence. Right now, before he has children of his own, the consequences of his choices only affect him. This is a perfect time for him to develop and strengthen into a mature, responsible, self-respecting young man.