Walls of Unforgiveness

"Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?" Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21-22 MSG)

Pain avoidance is a natural instinct. When someone has hurt us, we try to build a protective wall between us and our abuser. Resentment gives us a sense of power and superiority. Thus, unforgiveness is often used as a defense mechanism to give ourselves some space from the source of our pain.

Forgiving someone who has hurt us can make us feel vulnerable. We are uncertain if we will be taken advantage of again. We may have forgiven those who have trespassed against us, but we don’t want them to see it as an invitation to continue trespassing. Jesus asks us to repeatedly forgive our abusers, but He doesn’t ask us to continue to  trust them. He asks us to pardon our debtors, but not to continue to fund their schemes.

Forgiveness often requires a certain amount of processing time. It is also aided by safe distances, different perspectives, and compassionate responses. Yet, we can extend forgiveness only so far under our own power. Even though we may find it difficult to trust others, we can learn to trust God unconditionally. Divine love, infused through us, is essential. Love allows us to pardon the unpardonable, release resentment, and rebuild healthy boundaries. 

Lord, help us to  take down the defensive walls of unforgiveness and replace them  with wholesome safeguards.