Desperate Times

“O True God, You are my God, the One whom I trust.  I seek You with every fiber of my being.” (Psalm 63:1 VOICE)

Sometimes when I run, I get vocal cord spasms which inhibit my breathing. It comes on suddenly. My throat closes up, and I can’t get enough air into my lungs. These episodes are scary. It’s hard to explain how desperate I feel during those moments. I have learned to slow down until my vocal folds open up and I can breathe normally. When everything is working, I rarely think about the abundance of oxygen or my ability to inhale and exhale. Dealing with this issue has taught me to appreciate my respiratory system and the air that surrounds me. 

Similarly, on good days, I take God’s presence for granted. I seem to be able to connect with Him easily when everything in my life is going well. I pray, sing, praise, study, write, and seek guidance effortlessly. However, when darkness tightens around me, parts of me that were previously open suddenly shut down.  I become desperate for God. I know He still surrounds me, but I can’t get enough of His Spirit within me.  After having dealt with these periods of disconnection recurrently, I have learned some ways to manage these desperate times. I acknowledge the urgency of the situation. I slow down. I remind myself of what I know to be true: This constriction that I am feeling is due to my internal response to stressful stimuli. I may not be able to change my circumstances, but I can regulate my reaction. God is still near and His Spirit is abundant. He is the air I breathe. He is my strength. He is what sustains my life.