Competence

Growth involves undulating between feelings of competence and incompetence. An eighth-grader might feel competent in middle school. Yet, once he moves on to high school, he is back to feeling incompetent in unfamiliar surroundings. The same thing happens between high school and college, adolescence and adulthood, and every shift from one phase of life to another.

Even though height is admired in most cultures, I often notice young people slouching soon after they hit a growth spurt. Some of us, who are resistant to change, are actually trying to avoid feeling inadequate. We would rather stay at the stage where we feel proficient than move on to the next stage.

Young people these days use the phrase ‘lame-out’ to describe one member of their group moving on to a new stage. For example—‘He’s lamed-out since he got a girlfriend. He never wants to just hang out with us guys anymore.’ It is funny how they use the word lame to describe this movement from being adept in the prior phase, to inept in the new stage. It used to be that lame meant an inability to be mobile. Now it seems to connote a weakness that results from change.

Discomfort is natural during transition. The person going through the change feels inadequate. Family members, friends, and coworkers become disconcerted. The temptation to regress is hard to resist.  

How do we push past this discomfort to progress?

Jesus was blunt: “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it.” (Mark 10:27 MSG)

Understanding The Elephant

Most of us have heard the story of 10 blind men trying to explain an elephant. Each of the men feels a different part of the elephant and comes up with a partial version of the truth. This story has been used to illustrate that none of us can claim to fully understand God, that no one religion has a monopoly on the truth.  

Only the narrator can see the elephant. The rest of us are all blind. Our experiences may lead us to different perspectives of faith. What if people of varying degrees of faith heard this story from the blind men. Those that take a literal view of everything might interpret the story as claiming that the elephant is God. Those with an agnostic view may be unsure if there is really an elephant. Perhaps the blind men just wandered around touching a variety of inanimate things and came up with a story. How can anyone be sure? Those that have an atheistic view might dismiss the existence of the elephant as a legend. Why would anyone trust the perspectives of blind men anyway? Those with a metaphorical view might acknowledge that there is truth behind the legend, and the story points to something beyond comprehension.

I’d like to end with an amusing inverted version of this story that I found online:

Six blind elephants were discussing what men were like. After arguing they decided to find one and determine what it was like by direct experience. The first blind elephant felt the man and declared, 'Men are flat.' After the other blind elephants felt the man, they agreed. ;-)

Birthday

I’m 43-years old today. I have a sense of urgency these days. My time, energy and health are being depleted quickly. I feel as if I’m ‘over-the-hill’ and gaining momentum. Every morning, I get up to a full day with so many good intentions. I dawdle a bit, indulge myself with a few pleasurable pursuits, and suddenly realize it’s already afternoon. And in this afternoon stage of life, I frequently think: So much left to accomplish…yet so little time.

Each day in my past has been a learning experience. It has shaped who I am. No regrets. Yet, there is this push from deep within me, a pressure to learn more, a tension of things not yet expressed.

“Mental health is based on a certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what one should become. Such a tension is inherent in the human being and therefore is indispensable to mental well-being. We should not, then, be hesitant about challenging man with a potential meaning for him to fulfill. It is only thus that we evoke his will to meaning from its state of latency. I consider it a dangerous misconception of mental hygiene to assume that what man needs in the first place is equilibrium or…a tensionless state. What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.” (Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl)

I stand in this gap between who I am and who I am to become. I shall press on.

“By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us.” (Phil. 3:12-15 MSG)

 

What I Want

What are we looking for? What do we really want?

Some might say: I want financial success, a nice house, an important job, beauty, health, a good marriage, and good relationships. I want my children to be successful; I want to travel; I want to have fun and enjoy life.

Others might distill the above desires down further: a desire for validation, admiration, happiness, excitement, comfort, love, freedom from pain and suffering, peace.

Yet, is this the purest form of what we are really seeking?  I don’t think so. I suspect that we will not find satisfaction until we become one with God.

The following analogy by Dallas Willard hints at this truth:

“I was raised in southern Missouri where the land is mineral poor. Cows and sheep there will find piles of junk or refuse out in the fields or woods and eat old dry-cell batteries and rusty wire and nails to get the minerals that they need, and they die of it. The hunger for spiritual depth that we see manifested across our culture becomes a threat to a meaningful and practically effective understanding of spiritual formation as it should be presented by followers of Christ. And this threat has several forms.” (Dallas Willard)

Just like those poor cows who try to meet their needs by eating batteries, we find deadly substitutes to fill our deepest spiritual longings. We rummage through junk, not realizing the harm we are causing to ourselves. We spend our entire lives seeking validation, happiness, love, comfort, relief, and peace. Yet, we remain discontent.

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…(song by U2)

Link to song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnD6ojjA0OA

Mennonite Influence

I’m pretty sure I had never met a Mennonite before I moved to Iowa. At first, I thought of them as a bit eccentric and standoffish. I think I might have scared them off with my flashy appearance and personality. However, over the ensuing years, I have developed close friendships with several Mennonites who have influenced me greatly. Here are some lessons that I’ve learned from them:

Living your Faith—My Mennonite friends have taught me not to compartmentalize real life from my spiritual life. It’s one and the same.

Simplicity— There is joy in simple living. Excess is just an invitation for stress.

Honesty— Lying to others is bad. Lying to yourself is even worse.

Service—serving others brings fulfillment. Self-absorption leads to dissatisfaction.

Sharing—There is enough for all of us. Do not waste; gather up the remnants and you will find there is enough for your family as well as your neighbors.  

“The hero is one who kindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by. The saint is the man who walks through the dark paths of the world, himself a light.” (Felix Adler)

My favorite part about these friends is how unassuming they are. Most of them don’t realize how much they influence the community around them. They just live, and those of us who come in contact with them inadvertently catch their goodness.

Touched in the Head

Most of you who know me have probably wondered if I’ve been touched by an angel or merely touched in the head! ;-) Yes, I’ve wondered that myself.

Recently I read a joke that made me laugh, because I recognized the truth in it:

“Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying — but when God talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?” (Lily Tomlin)

I won’t claim that God talks to me. He probably does, but I pretend it’s just my imagination, so as to appear normal. Occasionally, I do sense God’s presence. Yet, every time I admit that out loud, I cringe inwardly.

 

My reluctance reminds me of the Apostle Peter who denied knowing Jesus. Unlike Peter, I’m not in any danger of persecution. I’m just worried about dying from embarrassment.

Statistics

“I have sinned badly in what I have just done, substituting statistics for trust; forgive my sin—I have been really stupid.” (1 Chronicles. 21:8 MSG)

I routinely substitute statistics and logistics for trust, but I rarely recognize that I’m being stupid!

Think about all the times you have encountered a problem and get worked up about the logistics. I don’t know how I’m going to manage issue #1, and then there is this other detail about issue #2, and who’s going to take care of issue #3?I’m just so overwhelmed! Or, we start despairing because we’ve heard the statistics: I read that more than 60% of _________ (fill in the blank with any illness, accident, addiction, unemployment, divorce, childrearing statistic you want)

In my experience, God is not fazed by either statistics or logistics. He has come through mightily in so many ways for me—obliterating perceived obstacles like a tank running over rough terrain. Then why do I still revert to this stupid, sinful behavior?

Flirting

I think flirting is a natural sequence in mating behavior. However, when a married person flirts with someone other than their spouse, it can be quite harmful. Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens so frequently that most people accept it as the norm.

What causes this behavior? Insecurity, boredom, desire for attention, power? I’m not sure, but an underlying desire for external validation seems to be a big factor. Most people consider flirtation harmless. I wonder how the spouses of these flirts feel? Disrespected? Invalidated? Diminished?

If you have made a commitment to Christ, yet still seek validation outside this relationship, is it much different?

We seek validation in many different ways. We try to affirm our worth through our education, careers, possessions, beauty, talents, influence, wealth, accomplishments etc. What are we trying to be worthy of? If we dig deeper, we all have a desire to prove that we are worthier than others. Worthier of what? Happiness? Attention? Admiration? Comfort? Love? Eternal Life?

If our worth comes from God’s love, and God loves us all equally, then none of us is any worthier than the other. Flirting for validation, in any form, is a just an illusion.

Aging

My hair is greying and thinning. My skin is wrinkling. My body is sagging. My joints are aching. As my eyesight diminishes, I’m holding books further away. I run slower, remember less, and fall asleep early. Why was it so much easier to accept the changes of puberty or pregnancy than middle age? When I acknowledge that I am getting older, my teenage son jokes: “You aren’t getting older; you’re already old.” Thanks for the reality check, Dude!

When I was pregnant, I could easily talk to other pregnant women about all the changes that I was experiencing. Aging is different. Other women my age would rather that I not bring it up. Society encourages us to cover up the grey, buy wrinkle cream, either get plastic surgery, or, at the very least, keep it all tucked in with some Spanx. Older TV anchors are shown in soft focus so as not to upset our sensibilities. Ads for aging-related medicines and products always show people who are more active and energetic than most of us. When I see these ads, I feel pressured to run a marathon or climb a mountain, after rubbing my knees with arthritis medicine, (when in reality, I just feel like sitting in my pajamas and reading a good book, while sipping tea.) Even retirement homes are now called Active Senior Living Apartments! They all offer in-house beauty salons and exercise classes. What the heck?

I wish we could all just agree to age gracefully, to talk openly, and to accept the changes. Let’s just take all these pressures off. I’m looking forward to a relaxed retirement with rocking chairs and a mumu  ;-).

The New Deadly Sins

As I was looking up the ‘seven deadly sins,’ I noticed that in 2008, the Vatican had come up with a new, modern-day list. Here is the updated list: polluting, genetic engineering, being obscenely rich, drug dealing, abortion, pedophilia, and causing social injustice.

Hmm…I agree with most of the stuff on this list…

This led me to ask my family and friends what they thought modern society considered fatal, moral failures. Here are some of the most commonly mentioned sins: adultery, intolerance, selfishness, dishonesty, killing the innocent, sowing trouble, debt, laziness, greed, addictions (to alcohol, drugs, shopping, sports, technology, exercise), status-seeking, etc.

These days, we consider sins that separate us from others as more offensive than Sins that separate our soul from God. External failures are considered more harmful than internal decay.

Let’s take gluttony for instance. If you are a size 6, and you are devouring everything in sight, no one considers it a sin. In fact, they will ask you for your secret, so they can emulate you. You are only judged for gluttony if you are severely obese. It’s the external manifestation of your choices that are considered a sin, instead of the corruption to your core. We notice the symptom and mistake it for the disease.

“What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” (Mark 8:36 NLT)

As we consider our personal, moral failings, may we focus less on current societal standards and more on what benefits our soul.

The Seven Deadly Sins

Many behaviors that were considered sinful are now accepted as the new normal. Take for instance the seven deadly sins; when was the last time you even heard that phrase? I couldn’t remember most of them, so I had to look them up. The seven deadly sins are: anger, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

All seven of these are so commonplace now that we don’t even consider them deadly. I can pretty much go through the whole list in one evening, while watching TV. When I watch the evening news, I get angry at how screwed-up everything is. The commercials induce greed. I sit slothfully in front of the TV, gluttonously stuffing myself with all my favorite snacks, prideful that I’m better than those reality show characters, while at the same time lusting after their shoes. I envy those who have fabulous kitchens overlooking beautiful views. They should just call these the seven daily sins. Or maybe they aren’t really even sins, but just bad habits. Come to think of it, who is to say they are bad habits? Maybe they are just ways to distract myself and relax at the end of the day. Yesss, that’sss it…

This is how Evil seduces us. We gradually slide further away from God and just call it normal. Like an old married couple, we grow apart. We do our own thing. Our relationship becomes just a façade. We recede into being Christians in name only. Anything that separates us from God is deadly. The further we move away from God, the more we become influenced by darkness. We fall into the deep trap of temptation. We shrink into cold indifference.

When I was a child, we used to play the ‘hot or cold game.’ Someone would tell me when I was getting closer to what I was looking for by yelling, “You are getting warmer.” When I was going in the wrong direction, they would say, “You’re getting colder.” As we seek to get closer to the light and warmth of God, may the Holy Spirit guide us in the right direction.

The New Normal

The locavore movement has gained popularity in the last decade. Locavores try to buy food that is produced and processed within a certain radius of their home. This helps the environment, as well as local economies. I tried this for about a day and gave up. I’m too dependent on coffee, oranges, bananas, rice, etc.—none of which grows in my local weather. A few centuries ago, most families grew their own food or bought it from their neighbors. They lived close to the land which supplied their needs. Transporting food materials across continents was not as common as it is now.

The exodus from farming areas to big cities started during the industrial revolution. We have grown accustomed to being separated from the source of our sustenance. This new way is less restricting, less limiting. Those that are tied to the land are considered the weird ones now.

Similarly, we have become accustomed to living apart from God, the source of our sustenance. We don’t want to live under the shadow of the Almighty. We don’t want to be under His thumb, to be overly influenced by Him. Instead, we want our independence. We want to live on our own terms. So we have intentionally put some distance between us and God. This is the new normal.

Rebel Forces

“Enemy-occupied territory—that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage.” (--from Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis)

We have lived under enemy occupation for generations. We have learned to accept this and live with oppression. Most of us try to survive by making daily compromises with the enemy forces. It’s much easier to just go with the flow and not be seen as an agitator.

However, there are small groups of rebel forces that meet together with the rightful King. They try to distribute weapons, food, and other supplies to the needy. They provide training. They try to encourage people to be courageous, to fight off the enemy, to be free of oppression.

Every time we meet together as Christians, we should be strategizing on how to end this enemy occupation.

“Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.” (Ephesians 6:13-18 MSG)

 

Thin Places

It was cloudy,the other day, when I walked the dog. As I scanned the sky, I noticed a few places where the clouds were thin, and I could glimpse patches of blue sky. This somehow reminded me of the Celtic concept of ‘Thin Places.’  According to a Celtic saying, heaven and earth are only three feet apart, but in thin places that distance is even smaller.

I wondered if I was 3 feet or less away from God’s presence, right then. If so, why was I not paying attention? I noticed the sparrows and chickadees flying, chirping, and congregating on the bare branches of the trees. It was 23°F with a wind-chill temperature of 16°F. Everything was covered in two feet of snow. What do these birds have to sing about? I suddenly realized I had come across a thin place…a transparent window through which I glimpsed God’s provision and care.

Jesus said, “Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.” (Matt. 6:26 MSG)

These birds were singing in the middle of an Iowa winter. I doubt anyone in our neighborhood is filling up their birdfeeders in this snowy weather. I rarely see another soul as I go for my daily run/walk. Yet, these birds went about their day, carefree, knowing deep in their little bird brains something I hadn’t yet internalized: God cares for us.

Ambivert

I’ve taken several personality tests to see where I fall on the extrovert-introvert spectrum. I’m talkative, energetic, assertive, and expressive. I initiate eye contact, conversation, and friendships easily. Although I’m comfortable around people and enjoy spending time with close friends, I detest large groups, parties, and big cities. I find it easier to connect with people on a one-on-one basis. I dislike superficial chit-chat. However, if I have an opinion, I’m likely to express it even if it causes conflict. I don’t think before I speak; instead, I process my thoughts as I’m speaking or writing. My favorite activities are reading, thinking, writing, and being in nature. I’ve been told I’m overly analytical and risk-averse. I don’t like to multi-task, preferring to focus on one thing at a time.

I am what psychologists call an ambivert--one whose personality type is intermediate between extrovert and introvert. I prefer to think of myself as a deep-thinking extrovert, which sounds like an oxymoron. I like being around people, as long as it stimulates introspection. I find it mentally stimulating to discuss ideas with others and seek input from their life experiences. I also need daily quiet times of reflection to contemplate all that I’ve gathered and make sense of it.

This desire--to communicate with authentic, sincere people for part of the day and then retreat and be alone with my own thoughts-- is confusing to many of my friends and family members. For their sake, I wish I could be more of an introvert, to be a better listener, to not inundate them with my thoughts. I may not fit neatly into either the extrovert or introvert personality type, but I have come to accept this dichotomous contradiction within me.

An Acquired Taste

I have eaten spicy food even before I knew about all the health benefits associated with certain spices. Turmeric, ginger, cayenne pepper, cinnamon—all have wonderful properties ranging from increased metabolism to prevention of cancer. I have several friends who are not accustomed to all these strong, pungent flavors. They are unable to reap the benefits of these spices, because they have yet to acquire a taste for them.

C.S. Lewis describes how experiencing God might be an acquired taste.

“It would indeed be true that the joys of Heaven are for most of us, in our present condition, an ‘acquired taste’—and certain ways of life may render the taste impossible of acquisition.” (--from The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis)

Even if someone convinces us that a godly life is beneficial, we might not be able to acquire a taste for it. We might be accustomed to living a certain way, planning our menu of activities based on the culture around us. We may be used to consuming a steady diet of acquisition, busyness, and distraction. Changing our regimen would probably upset our stomach and give us heartburn. We might try to experience God’s presence, but find it unpalatable.

How does one acquire a taste for God?

Well, how do we acquire a taste for anything healthy? Most of the time, healthy food is not the tastiest. So we have to incorporate it gradually, but regularly, into our diet. We also have to deliberately decrease the unhealthy, yet tasty, junk food that we consume. Similarly, we have to develop a palate for God’s company by tasting and chewing on His words, noticing His grace, and experiencing time alone with Him.

“Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him.” (Psalm 34:8 MSG)

My Little Sister

My Little Sister turns 40 years old today.  My earliest memories of her are from when she was 5. She was annoyingly adorable, a combination of cuteness mixed with a gentle, amiable spirit. Everybody liked Her better; which is why I had to be mean to her.  She took it all in stride until she was around 10. Then she started standing up for herself.  I knew my era of bullying her was over and secretly admired her new found toughness. I’ll admit that I was also a bit scared of her back then, because I couldn’t predict what she was going to do.

She grew up into this multi-faceted gem; Intelligent, courageous, independent, kind, caring, patient, capable, strong, talented, and tenacious. She also managed to  retain her gentle, pleasing spirit from childhood.  She is a wonderful mother and wife. She is incredibly loyal to her friends. She is the hardest working woman I know.  She has accomplished things that I haven’t even attempted to do. Every year, she continues to amaze me.  Everybody still likes Her better, but now I’m mature enough to understand why.

Happy Birthday Sis!

Cautiously Pessimistic

The author Anne Lamott calls herself a ‘crabby optimist.’ I like that phrase. I’m an idealist at heart. I envision a world where every human being pursues a higher purpose other than personal enjoyment and comfort. However, I’m cynical about the majority of us humans achieving this goal. My son calls me ‘cautiously pessimistic’, which sounds a shade more negative than ‘crabby optimist.’

As Christians, are we required to always be joyful optimists? Does my cynicism show a lack of faith in God?

I have faith in God. It’s the humans that I’m not so sure about.

I believe that God created us and has an ideal plan for all of us. However, our human nature compels us to do our own thing, stray outside of God’s perfect plan, and live independent lives apart from God’s will. This screws everything up.

So, is there hope for humanity? Yes.

“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.” (Ephesians 1:11-12 MSG)

God still has countless tools to influence each of us to draw nearer to Him. I sense God reaching out and asking us to trust His plan. I also notice how often we ignore and rebuff His offerings of love and grace. Yet, I’m counting on God to not give up on us.

This hope may become the catalyst that bumps me up a level, from cautious pessimist to crabby optimist.

Judgmental Criticism

I’m intolerant of intolerant people. I get upset when I hear derogatory comments about minorities, immigrants, or the underprivileged. I’m judgmental of anyone who has different standards than I do. I might not voice my opinions to them, but I think it. I roll my eyes when I see a middle-aged mother driving around in a Porsche that costs over $60K, or a guy who dates someone half his age. I shake my head when I hear parents talk about how they are too busy to take care of their young children. I look askance at the girl who sits in front of me at church, showing off her ‘tramp stamp’. I frown at those who go into major consumer debt. I disapprove of those who drink too much, eat too much, spend too much, waste their time, pollute the environment, or neglect their health.

It’s not like I’M intolerant or something! Okay…maybe just a little bit.

I’ve always had strong opinions and standards that I live by, but when did I start holding other people to these standards?

“Those people are on a dark spiral downward. But if you think that leaves you on the high ground where you can point your finger at others, think again. Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Judgmental criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection in your own crimes and misdemeanors. But God isn’t so easily diverted. He sees right through all such smoke screens and holds you to what you’ve done.” (Rom. 2:1 MSG)

Oh, that’s just great!!

Am I just trying to distract God, myself, and others from my own flaws by focusing on the faults of others? What are my own crimes and misdemeanors? Where have I fallen short of God’s standards?

I’m too embarrassed to write it all down here for everyone to read. Suffice it to say, the list is long. Making the list is enlightening though. I realize how I fall short of God’s standards in so many ways, yet shrug it off as no big deal.

“I have a special word of caution for you who are sure that you have it all together yourselves and, because you know God’s revealed Word inside and out, feel qualified to guide others through their blind alleys and dark nights and confused emotions to God. While you are guiding others, who is going to guide you?” (Rom. 2:17-24 MSG)

God has many resources that He uses to get my attention when I get off track. He speaks through the Scriptures, daily experiences, my friends, good books, songs, and nature. I just have to be tuned in and not get distracted by self-created smoke screens of judgmental criticism.

The Merton Prayer

Thomas Merton is yet another one my favorite contemplative writers. Here is one of his best-known prayers:

“MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” (byThomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude)

I don’t like surprises. I like to have all the details worked out before every situation, including contingency plans. A few months ago, my husband and I went on a weekend getaway. He planned everything, and I decided to not ask too many questions. This took a great deal of trust on my part. Although there were a few minor issues, overall the weekend went well. I tried to keep reminding myself of my husband’s intentions rather than focusing on the outcome of his decisions.

Merton’s prayer reminds us that God looks at our intentions to please Him, rather than at the outcome of those intentions. I’ve started a project with good intentions, only to end up making a royal mess out of things. Somehow, God redeems these messes and reveals a lesson in truth through my mistakes. I don’t always recognize these lessons. Mostly I just mope about how I manage to screw things up despite my best intentions and make resolutions about not trying that again! Merton’s prayer urges us to trust God even after we make mistakes, to not be afraid of negative outcomes, because God is with us…even in the perils, even when we are lost, even in the darkest dark.

Dislocations

Stretching, to a certain extent, is beneficial. However, hyperextension can lead to dislocations. If something is outside your normal reach, you may be able to stretch a bit and grasp it. Yet, if you try to extend yourself beyond a certain limit, you are likely to dislocate your shoulder. Similarly, when you stretch to attain a goal, you have to be careful not to overextend yourself.

We routinely stretch our time, energy, and money beyond comfortable limits. Most Americans have some debt, even if it is just a mortgage. We’ve learned to justify a mortgage as a normal life expense rather than accepting that we are buying a house before we have saved up for it. We try to stretch our budgets to the maximum to incorporate our never-ending desires. Time and energy go hand-in-hand, but with one major difference. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Based on our pace, some of us may be able to accomplish a bit more in a day than others. Yet, most of us overschedule, leaving very little margin for unexpected events. We routinely borrow time from sleep and caring for our health in order to meet the ever-increasing pressures on our time. Unlike time, energy is a resource that depreciates every decade. I have the same number of hours in a day that I had when I was 20, but my energy level has decreased greatly and will continue to do so as I age. When I stretch these limited resources beyond a certain range, my life becomes unhinged!

I also tend to overreach in my relationships with others. I inadvertently push my friends and family beyond their natural limits, leaving them strained and exhausted. I might be able to bend down and touch my toes. However, if a friend is not able to do this, and I push down on her back, it’s more likely to cause harm. I must allow others to stretch slowly and gently according to their own abilities.

In conclusion, we must stretch daily to keep ourselves limber. Yet, we must also accept that hyperextension is harmful.

My Achilles Knee

You might have heard of Achilles heels, but I have an Achilles knee! I’ve had knee issues for the last decade. My affinity for running puts pressure on my knees. I realize that this weak part of me needs special attention and care. I stretch it and try to back off from doing most exercises that involve jerky movements. I know my running years are limited, but I feel the urge to do it while I still can.

The term ‘Achilles heel’, which originated from Greek mythology, is used to describe a person’s biggest weakness that can potentially lead to downfall. Achilles, a great warrior, was known for being invulnerable except for a small spot on his heel. Legend has it that his mother held him by his heel as she dipped him in the River Styx, thus making him invulnerable except for his heel.

Identifying one’s fatal flaws requires quiet reflection and a great deal of self-awareness. What causes me to crumble? I have many pernicious weaknesses, but I will mention just one as an example. When my family is threatened, I come undone. It doesn’t even have to be real; just a perceived threat is enough. At first glance, this might seem like a strength (devotion to family) disguised as a weakness. Yet, my anxiety over every crisis tends to expose my family to further pain. My aversion to risk prevents my family from living fully. When I become overwhelmed and unstable, it saps their courage as well.

Once I’ve identified a toxic flaw, I have to pay special attention to it. How can I shield myself and my family from my weaknesses?

Sometimes it’s easier to analyze smaller problems and apply the solutions to bigger problems. So, let’s look at my weak knees as an example. I could ignore my knee issues and pretend there is no problem. I can protect and shield my knee against injury by minimizing risky movements. I could wear a knee support brace. I could do stretching and strengthening exercises.

 

For years, I’ve dealt with my flaws by just ignoring them. I’ve made excuses like: That’s just the way I am. OR, I’m not as bad as so-and-so. Once I admit that my flaw is a serious problem, I try to minimize exposure to situations that exacerbate my handicap. I seek out people who might be strong in the area of my frailty--people who can support and brace me so that I don’t fall. Finally, I gently stretch myself in order to strengthen my weak side. I stay continuously on guard, because I know I will always be vulnerable.

Idiotic Goals

I’ve signed up to get emails from Wordspy, a website that notifies me when a new word becomes part of the lexicon. I was recently sent this intriguing new word:
goalodicy—the pursuit of idiotic goals
“If you suffer from goalodicy you find yourself so obsessed by the goal that you ignore the realities. You will think that the achievement of the goal will save you from all the difficult work, sacrifices and choices that you really need to make. This suspension of reality leads to reckless behavior.” (Shaa Wasmond)
Christopher Kayes describes six symptoms of goalodicy:
-A narrow defined goal
-Public expectation
-Face-saving behavior
-A dream of an idealized future
-Goal-driven justification
-A sense of destiny
I’ve routinely run into people who suffer from goalodicy, yet justify it as ‘positive-thinking’. Whether it’s planning for a perfect wedding, a dream home, retirement, or becoming rich and famous—sometimes the goal takes over and blinds us to reality.

I’ve seen people who get so sucked up into their careers that they neglect their families. However, they believe that everything is fine.

I’ve known people who have become enslaved by debt to pursue their dreams. Yet, they justify this burden as a price that they and their families have to pay in order to succeed.

Most people are aware that aging and retirement are inevitable. Yet, preparing for this stage of life is considered as a lack of faith by some.

Societal expectations prod us to dream of an ideal life. We convince ourselves that it is more heroic to pursue our dreams than to face reality. Once we start on any venture, we are reluctant to back off, because we want to save face.

I’m reminded of a quote by President Lyndon B. Johnson: “While you're saving your face, you're losing your ass.”

Don’t become so obsessed with your vision of an idealized life that you ignore what is truly important. If you suffer from goaladicy, come to your senses before you lose everything.

Parallel Worlds

I just finished reading Philip Yancey’s book Rumors of Another World. In it, He describes heaven as a parallel invisible world around us. He compares our life to that of a whale which spends most of its life under water. Unlike fish, whales have to come up to the surface of the water for air. The whale is aware of just the threshold of another world. It doesn’t know about the mountains, trees, land animals, or how humans live outside the water. Similarly, we may go up to the surface of the spiritual realm occasionally, but we have no idea of the complexities of this invisible world.

I really liked this analogy. For some time now, I’ve had a difficult time accepting the description of heaven portrayed in the Book of Revelation. I prefer to think of heaven, not as a place as much as a state of being. I imagine heaven as being with God eternally, and hell as being apart from God eternally. I can sense that there is an invisible spiritual world. Like the whale, I too must breathe from the surface of the spirit realm so as to survive and function in my normal habitation.

Although I like Yancey’s analogy, I sometimes feel more like a prisoner than a whale. This life seems like a prison from which I occasionally get to talk with God through a thick glass window, over a staticky phone line. I discuss the problems inside the prison walls, while He tells me about life outside. My daily work seems as trivial as trading cigarettes and other contraband. Unlike some of the other prisoners, I haven’t learned to just deal with my life sentence and make the best of my incarceration. Instead, I wait wistfully for news from the outside.

Chariots and Horses

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” (Ps. 20:7 NIV)

Chariots and horses must have been cutting-edge technology when they wrote this psalm. However, I don’t think anyone is trusting in chariots or horses anymore. These days, we are more likely to put our trust in science, medicine, computer technology, our investments, our educations, our careers, our country’s super-power status, etc. So a modern-day version of this Psalm would read:

Some trust in cutting-edge technology and empirical evidence, but we trust in the reputation of God.

Hmm…this is much harder to accept. When the PET scan shows that the cancer has metastasized, it’s difficult to trust God. When the economy crashes, taking your life savings, it’s difficult to trust God. When your child is paralyzed after a car accident, it is difficult to trust God. When your daughter has been raped and beaten, it is difficult to trust God.

I personally know people who have gone through these experiences. Most of them find it difficult to continue trusting in the Lord through these horrific trials.  However, once they make it through the darkest part of the valley, God seems to shine through the holes created by suffering.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Rom. 15:13 NLT)

Trust leads to hope. Hope leads to peace and joy.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand. (-lyrics from song by Getty/Townend)

Marriage Boot Camp

I find weddings depressing. When I look at the bride and groom, I keep seeing two lambs being led to slaughter. Yes, I agree that this is a pessimistic view of marriage. I’m definitely not the right person to give a toast at a wedding! I have been married for over 22 years to my wonderful husband. My life has been better after I met him than before. So, why do I have such a pessimistic outlook on marriage?  I just don’t think most young people are aware of how complicated marriage is. Before our wedding, my husband and I took two different courses on ‘Preparing for Marriage’, both lasting several months.  However, I don’t think anything could have prepared us for the reality to come.

I would like to see the following question added to the wedding vows: “Are you willing to make an act of self-surrender and live for your spouse rather than for yourself?” “Oh, and while you’re here, if you are planning on having kids, are you willing to give up your self-hood for the sake of the kids?”

I’m not sure that many young people are ready for this level of commitment. I wasn’t. In my 20’s, I was all about self-fulfillment. But marriage and having a child have changed me. Over the years, I have gradually turned from a person who was primarily focused on myself to someone who is focused on my husband and son.

According to C.S. Lewis, humanity’s original sin was turning from God to self. Thus, in order to restore my relationship and be in the presence of God, I must “make an act of self-surrender…in living to God rather than to myself.” (--from The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis)

When I read this, I realized that marriage prepares us to be with God.

Like any boot-camp experience, it is a tough learning experience. Yet it transforms us, whipping our egos into shape for the next phase. Once we turn from our self, to our spouses, and then to our children, the transition of surrendering to God is not as difficult.

If I knew then, what I know now, I would have worn a camouflage uniform and combat boots at my wedding. ;-)