Murky Waters

I have a tendency toward black-or-white thinking. My craving for order, certainty, and predictability has led to a degree of perfectionism in certain areas. Sociologist Brene Brown calls perfectionism “the 20-ton shield that we carry around hoping that it will keep us from being hurt.” I agree. Perfectionism can feel useful and protective at times. However, it can be a barrier to living fully.

“I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.” (Brene Brown)

Perfectionism compels us to only proceed forward in times of clarity. Reality is seldom black or white; it is mostly filled with grey mediocrity. We can either choose to drown in these murky waters, or swim through. Accepting that life is unpredictable and messy is uncomfortable. Some of us attempt to avoid this discomfort by refusing to participate. However, when the consequences of disengagement become overwhelming, we start struggling and moving through the murkiness. We  ‘lean into the discomfort’ of feeling incompetent and uncertain. We learn to cooperate with reality, even when it doesn’t align perfectly with our notions. We attend to our daily growth, evolving gradually as we consent to vulnerability.