Carrying My Burdens

“Blessed be God—he heard me praying. He proved he’s on my side; I’ve thrown my lot in with him. Now I’m jumping for joy, and shouting and singing my thanks to him.” (Psalm 28:7 MSG)

I prayed that I may know Christ

For strength and discernment

To be shielded from evil

God heard my prayers

He came alongside me

And offered to carry my baggage

I’ve put all my eggs in His basket

I’ve unloaded all my burdens

I feel light and free

I skip along by His side

Brimming with gratitude

Partially Consecrated

“Make them holy--consecrated--with the truth.” (John 17:17 MSG)

In John, chapter 17, Jesus prays for His followers. He asks that we may not be defined by the world’s standards but by our dedication and devotion to God, that we may be protected from evil, and that we may be truth-consecrated in our mission.

Consecration literally means ‘associated with the sacred.’  How many of us are fully consecrated to Sacred Truth? Unfortunately, I have a hard time committing myself fully to any one thing. How can I, when there are so many interesting and important things in this world to occupy my day? I am partially dedicated to a lot of different things. My ideas about what is important are colored by the culture I live in. I align myself to warped versions of the truth, because the full truth might topple the framework of my long-held beliefs.

Yet, this is what Jesus wants--that we may disassociate from worldly standards and half-truths (which are basically half-lies) in order to associate with Sacred Truth. We may verbally dedicate ourselves, our children, our buildings, and our work to God. However, consecration is beyond human power. As followers of Christ, we can detach from conventional paradigms and redirect our time and energy toward that which is sacred. Only the Holy Spirit can elevate these meager offerings and sanctify us. May we be set apart, just as Christ set himself apart.

Lord, please help us to let go of worldly ideas so that we may be fully consecrated by Your Spirit and dedicated to a higher purpose!

Clinging to Control

“If you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can’t be my disciple.” (Luke 14:33 MSG)

Imagine you are on a luxury cruise line. Everything is taken care of--all you have to do is enjoy yourself. Then, suddenly you are shipwrecked. Yesterday you were having a wonderful time, and now you are desperately clinging to a floating piece of debris while bobbing up and down in the middle of the ocean. Would you let go? Or would you hang on as long as you could?

When faced with powerlessness, we tend to cling to whatever little control we have. We attempt to manage the people and circumstances around us. Letting go seems like bad idea. How will we survive?

Yet, Jesus asks us to detach from everything and everyone--to quit trying to manipulate the situation to fit our own expectations. He asks us to disentangle ourselves from all that we hold dear--to trust in Him--to release ourselves into the depths of His intimate love.

Power Failure

“He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts.” (Isaiah 40:29 MSG)

When you feel tired, weary, and powerless, what do you do? Do you drink extra coffee or have an energy drink? Maybe you do something mind-numbing, or distracting, or take a nap or go on a vacation. What if one of your loved ones is struggling and exhausted? Do you try to take on their burden? Do you try to use whatever power you have to manipulate the situation? Does it alleviate the problem?

We humans like to think that we have enough wisdom and resources to solve our own problems and those of our loved ones. We cannot admit that, beneath all our posturing, we are truly powerless. We cannot energize ourselves no matter how much caffeine we consume. We cannot strengthen others either.

“To be poor is to be without success, without fame, and without power.  But there God chooses to show us God's love.” (Henri Nouwen)

Just as we are most aware of every light after a period of enforced darkness, God’s power is most obvious when we are weak and powerless. God is the only true source of strength, energy, and wisdom. And, occasionally, He may use us as conduits.

Resistance to Grace

“Just as grace is the ultimate source of the force that pushes us to ascend the ladder of human evolution, so it is entropy that causes us to resist that force, to stay at the comfortable, easy rung where we now are or even to descend to less and less demanding forms of existence. (M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled)

My family and I went to visit the Rocky Mountains recently. A few of us experienced symptoms of altitude sickness for the first few days--headaches, dizziness, difficulty breathing, weakness, etc. It took us a few days of acclimatization before we were able to function normally in the higher elevations.

Growing up is a form of personal evolution. It requires us to climb to higher levels of awareness. There is a natural reluctance to leave the familiar zones in which we think we are competent and delve into areas where we feel amateurish and inadequate. Devolving, however, is much easier. Sliding downhill to lower forms of existence demands very little effort.

Grace is the force that helps us up the hill of spiritual growth. However, we are often resistant to grace, because it pushes us into uncomfortable elevations. The ascension in altitude makes us feel weak and dizzy. However, if we accept grace, we eventually acclimatize ourselves to these higher levels of awareness.

Dissing Grace

Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.” (Luke 22:34 NIV)

Wearing a wedding ring is a symbol of commitment to your spouse. Commitment involves faithfulness and trust. When we express a lack of confidence in our spouse, we are, in essence, belittling them.

The other day, I saw a segment on TV about anxiety. A woman was talking to the host about how she worries all the time about everything. I noticed that the woman was wearing a necklace with a cross pendant. All of a sudden I felt convicted. I too profess to be committed to Christ. When I worry, I show a lack of confidence in God.

Worry is a denial of God’s power and love. Instead of acknowledging all that He is and all that He has done, we essentially renounce God when we mistrust Him.  Worry dishonors God. It is disrespectful. It is a dis-Grace--a rejection of God’s benevolence.  

Trading in Your Self

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. (Matthew 16:24 NIV)

Is there a person, cause, or passion for which you would be willing to trade in your selfhood?

Falling in love is the closest an individual comes to surrendering his identity. Yet,  a person often retains a portion of his dreams and tries to influence his beloved to adapt this vision. Some of us believe in a cause and are willing to give up everything we have for our convictions.  We become activists, ministers, soldiers, and political revolutionaries who voluntarily relinquish our selfhood to be part of something we consider important.

The concept of self-surrender is a popular topic for sermons and songs. We have vague ideas of what is expected--surrender our time and money to the church, give up bad habits, follow rules, etc. It would have been convenient for religious organizations if this were what Christ required of us for discipleship. However, it is not.

Self-abnegation--the denial of one’s own interests in the favor of God’s interests--is what is called for. Christ showed us by example how to lay down everything--reputation, comfort, pride, family, friends, life--for God’s higher purpose. May we all develop the grace to deny ourselves, pick up the cross, and follow Christ.

Petty Preoccupations

Petty Preoccupations

“Find that act, find that person, or find that community, which when you give yourself over to it with your whole heart, it unravels your petty preoccupation with your self-absorbed self. In doing so, it strangely brings you home to yourself.” (Jim Finley paraphrasing Meister Eckhart in a podcast)

Narcissism is defined as an inordinate fascination with oneself. Psychoanalysts consider it a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development. A certain amount of self-absorption and vanity is excusable in young people. Yet, we hope that somewhere on the road to maturity, we all find someone or something to which we can give ourselves wholeheartedly without expectations of reciprocity or validation.

Finding ourselves involves figuring out what takes us outside of our self-absorption.  For me, this has come in the form of certain relationships. Love for my husband and my son has subdued my self-focus while igniting empathy, compassion, and selflessness within me. I am continually surprised by this overwhelming urge to give myself over to this love.

Love enables us to decrease. Once we are emptied of self, we become open to grace. Thus, human relationships must merely be a prelude to Divine intimacy.

(continued in next post)

Ideas of God

Who am I? What am I supposed to do? The answers to these questions often require a lifetime of seeking. The inner exploration of our own minds is the most enriching of all journeys. Although very few of us discover our true selves or fulfill our purpose, many of us continue to pursue self-actualization.

Is there a God? If so, what  is He/She like? Does God care about me?

Religion is the human interpretation of God. Thus, no religion can encompass a full understanding of God. Even if we take a composite of all the world’s religions, past and present, we will still have an incomplete idea of God.

Our ideas about ourselves, about life, about God are all  fragmentary. Yet, we gather up the morsels that we have and keep searching for more pieces. We seek to know and be known. Some of us are satisfied by human understanding, while others seek a higher level of awareness. Our existence is incomplete without this consciousness. Thus, we continue to ponder the unthinkable and plumb the depths of the unfathomable.

My Husband

I met my husband when he was 19 and I was 16. Even though I was young, I ‘knew’ in my gut that he was the one for me. Over the last few decades, he has grown into a capable captain for our little family. He has led and I have followed.

I have had many mentors in my life, but my husband has been the most influential and consistent one. He always gets out front of every situation we encounter--whether it is an onerous project, a complicated crisis, or a major life decision. He takes the lead so as to shield me from the inevitable impact of what the world throws at us.  

Now, every leader needs a follower. I am able to follow my husband, because he has earned my respect. He has proven himself to be dependable and capable. I don’t always agree with his choices, but I have learned that someone has to be in charge--and he has shown himself to be worthy of this role.

Being the head of a household is a huge responsibility. I am grateful that he takes on this burden. I look to him to take the initiative, to make decisions, and to take care of all the things I cannot. He has been my protector, my friend, my confidante, my mentor, my advisor, my sounding board, my guide, and my most consistent friend. I realize that not every man is like this; thus, I am deeply appreciative. Of all the blessings God has granted me, my husband is the most precious.

Supernatural Senses

“We are not perfectly free until we live in pure hope. For when our hope is pure, it no longer trusts exclusively in human and visible means, nor rests in any visible end. He who hopes in God trusts God, Whom he never sees, to bring him to the possession of things that are beyond imagination." (Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island)

Common sense has value in that it allows us to be functional human beings. It keeps us grounded in reality. Yet, it can also be restrictive and binding--keeping us tethered to our earthly perspectives--preventing us from reaching for enlightenment. Common sense tells us to depend on the visible and the tangible--in what we can control or influence. Yet, many of us sense that there is something beyond what our natural human abilities can grasp. We call this supernatural power--GOD. Trusting in this invisible, unmanageable God is difficult. So we revert back to the familiar--we rely on our common sense and go back to depending on our own resources and abilities.

Worldly wisdom compels us to look out for ourselves--while Christ advocates sacrifice, poverty, humility, and loving others. A shrewd person would call this gullible. Experience has shown us that even our closest loved ones can be untrustworthy. Does it not seem irrational, then, to put our trust in a mysterious God? Common sense tells us that prayer is unreliable; sometimes we get what we ask for, and sometimes we don’t. Wouldn’t it be more logical to take matters into our own hands and make things happen?

Trusting in God requires a certain amount of detachment from our common sense. We may have to shut off some of our natural senses in order to access our supernatural senses. Some of us are not willing to make this leap--until we have no other choice. Everything we hold as self-evident has to come crumbling down before we can let go of the familiar and place our trust in an unseeable, unknowable, uncontrollable God.

Meaningful Suffering

“I am glad that I suffer for you in my body, for I am participating in the sufferings of Christ...”(Colossians 1: 24 NLT)

It is much easier to recognize God in a miracle than in suffering. Yet, Christ is identified with suffering more than with success. This does not sell well from a marketing standpoint. Thus, most religious groups focus on miracles rather than on suffering.

Not all suffering is equally valuable. When one human inflicts pain on another for personal gain--that is just criminal. When a person willingly  suffers for the benefit of others--that is considered noble. Those who readily participate in the sufferings of Christ without regard to human praise--that is saintly.

Many of us are willing to make sacrifices that bring us public approval.  We are eager to pick up the cross and wear it around our necks as a symbol of our commitment.  Yet, most of us are expecting some gain from our pain. Christ suffered because he was willing to yield himself completely to God’s will. As Christ followers, we are called to relinquish our rights and personal concerns in order to pursue God’s agenda.

Lord, help me to participate in Your suffering as you express Yourself through me.

Hourly Gratitude

“Only hour-by-hour gratitude is strong enough to overcome all temptations to resentment.” —Richard Rohr in Breathing Under Water

Making a list of things I am thankful for usually lifts my mood.  I have these lists in notebooks, online, on scraps of paper, and on my phone. I have learned to quickly count out 10 things I am grateful for when I am feeling depressed. I thought I had developed a decent gratitude habit, but the above quote got me thinking. What if I centered myself in gratefulness on an hour-by-hour basis?

Thus began the practice of Gratitude Retreat Days. I pick a day when my mood feels neutral. (It’s more difficult for me to settle down into a meditative state if I am experiencing deep emotions.) Every waking hour, I choose one thing I am grateful for and keep my focus on that throughout the hour. For example, I might pick a person I am thankful for, or an answered prayer request, or something in my life that I usually take for granted.  As I go about my daily tasks, my mind wanders into the usual territory of worry. I pull myself back by focusing on that hour’s featured blessing.

I acknowledge that every blessing is from God. Yet, this is more about reminding myself of what I have been given.  As I take time to refocus and center my attention on all that I have rather than on what I’m missing--my mindset shifts. The internal void gets filled in with hour upon hour of gratitude.

Foolishness and Weakness

“Human wisdom is so tinny, so impotent, next to the seeming absurdity of God. Human strength can’t begin to compete with God’s ‘weakness.’” (1 Corinthians 1:25 MSG)

I must confess that I often question God’s plans. Sometimes, neither His methods nor His timing makes any sense to me! Why do good people suffer? Why does evil exist? Why aren’t prayers answered immediately? Why can’t we all hear directly from God?

From our human perspective, God may seem inefficient, nonsensical, and unpredictable. However, our lack of comprehension cannot diminish God. In our ignorance, we imagine that our plans are wiser, that our concern for our loved ones is stronger, and that our timing is more effective. Yet, human strength and wisdom are shallow and inconsequential compared to that of God’s. Thus, all our exertion, striving, and strategizing is immaterial. Trusting in God is more sensible than trusting in our puny abilities.  

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5 NLT)

Inane Goals

“What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated, because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes.” (My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers)

This morning, I heard about a young person who is trying to get a certain number of twitter followers in the next month. To me, this seems to be such an inane objective. Most of us have personal goals that we have set for today, for this week, for the next month, and for our lifetime. We even have ambitions for our children’s future. We may consider our plans to be worthwhile. Yet, at the most, our goals may impact a few generations.

God’s perspective is eternal. His purposes are centered on relationship. When our intentions are to draw closer to God, to grow in trust, to have a deeper, more intimate connection with Him--then, our goals have significance. Anything less is inane and purposeless.

What a Waste

“Lazarus and his sisters invited Jesus to dinner at their home. Martha served. Lazarus was one of those sitting at the table with them. Mary came in with a jar of very expensive aromatic oils, anointed and massaged Jesus’ feet, and then wiped them with her hair.” (John 12:1-3 MSG)

Martha Served. Martha could be counted on to do the proper thing. She was an efficient worker who knew her place. She didn’t challenge the status quo. Lazarus sat at the table with Jesus and the other men. He, too, followed conventional protocol. Mary takes an expensive jar of perfume and anoints Jesus with it.  She was the only one of these three siblings who  always seemed to do her own thing. She was considered the weird one--frequently improper, unpredictable, and wasteful. Yet, Jesus defends Mary’s unconventional behavior--whether she is merely listening to his teaching or anointing his feet with expensive perfume. Jesus doesn’t see her as being wasteful or inefficient.

Most of us are like Martha and Lazarus. We follow conventional patterns in how we relate to God and each other. We dress, act, participate, and serve in ways that are sanctioned and approved by our communities. We rarely break protocol and just spend time with Jesus--that would seem too indulgent, unproductive, wasteful. We are often more influenced by other people than by Jesus.  Maybe we should be more like Mary--break the mold, let our hair down, and honor God by pouring everything we have at His feet.   

Exhausted

“If you completely give of yourself physically, you become exhausted. But when you give of yourself spiritually, you get more strength.” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

I feel exhausted. Over the last few weeks, I have been occupied with a lot of atypical situations. All the strain has left me drained.

When I am planning out my weekly meals, I can either pick recipes that only require what I already have in my pantry, or I can go to Costco and buy what I need to make the meals. I usually have enough in my pantry to survive for a week, but planning all my meals with only what I can easily access is unnecessarily constraining. Similarly, when I operate from my own limited power, it leads to exhaustion. However, when we draw power from God’s Spirit within us, we gain strength.

Trust God completely. Quit taking inventory of your own resources. Instead, focus on God’s unlimited power. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you completely and to take over the situation. Immerse yourself in God until you are one with Him.

Father, You are in control. Jesus, I trust in You. Holy Spirit, take over.

Never Despair

"Believe in the evidence of the miraculous works I have done, even if you don't believe me." (John 10:38 NLT)

After several years of praying and waiting, one of my cousins recently had her first baby. Another relative has been freed from a serious addiction to alcohol. A friend’s marriage has been restored, even after the pain of infidelity.

When I have difficulty trusting the Lord, I recall the miracles I have witnessed. Others may downplay these events as mere coincidences or sheer luck, but I can sense God’s grace in these circumstances. I bolster my sagging faith by reminding myself of how God came through in these seemingly hopeless situations.  This helps me resist my natural tendency to despair, to cave in to despondency, and to wallow in melancholy.

“Melancholy contracts and withers the heart, and renders it unfit to receive the impressions of grace. It magnifies and gives a false colouring to objects, and thus renders your burdens too heavy to bear. God’s designs regarding you, and His methods of bringing about these designs, are infinitely wise.” -Madame Guyon

Proportionate Grace

“But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” (Ephesians 4:7 NIV)

Is grace unequal yet proportionate? If so, proportionate to what?

Imagine that one of the current presidential candidates has several children who each has unique gifts. They are all assigned different roles based on their talents: campaign manager, spokesperson, treasurer, business manager, fundraiser, political strategist, etc. Their responsibilities are proportional to their capacities; yet, the ultimate purpose is the same--to get their dad elected. If any of them gets sidetracked by his/her own aspirations, it severely hurts the campaign.

Similarly, we are each given different gifts. Most of us in the first world have disproportionate amounts of wealth, opportunities, and resources. We spend less time searching for food, water, and essential medicines. We don’t have to be on constant watch against bombs and marauding warlords.

Why?  What are we to do with this surplus grace, this unmerited favor? Is there a purpose beyond our own gratification and amusement?

Those of us who have more than our share of gifts must decide what we are going to do with them. We can choose to distract ourselves with amusements, pursue our own aspirations, or just get bogged down in our own preoccupations. OR, we can decide to focus on the campaign--to draw  ourselves and others closer to God and His purposes.

“Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!” (Luke 12:48 MSG)

Ungrounded Faith

“Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.” (Ephesians 3:17 NLT)

A few years ago, I dug up some hosta plants from behind the garage. I was planning to transplant them on the other side of the house. Since I was busy, I just placed the plants on top of the soil instead of taking the time to dig holes for them. I never got around to planting them properly. They survived for weeks on just the soil that clung to their roots, but eventually they dried out and died.

Ungrounded faith is a lot like a hosta that is not planted properly. It is often based on vague, fuzzy feelings. It is unrooted, superficial, and short-lived. It may help us to hang on temporarily, but it is only a matter of time before it withers and dies. Deep-rooted faith, on the other hand, is stable and assured. It is entrenched in Christ. It draws its nourishment from God’s love. Thus, it grows and flourishes.

Remodeling

“This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” (John 9:3 NLT)

We are in the process of having our kitchen remodeled. First, everything has to be emptied and moved out. Then, what is left will be torn down. The experience is messy, uncomfortable, and inconvenient. Even after the remodeling is finished, I suspect it will be a while before we are functional. The remodeling crew is taking ‘before and after’ pictures for their website.  They want to use our renovation to showcase their workmanship.

Pain is often a prelude to restoration. The process of healing is long and arduous. We are emptied and broken down. We have to live in the mess and discomfort without knowing when we will be restored. Eventually our transformation will be completed, yet there is more to this project than our personal enjoyment. We are renovated so that God’s power can be manifested. Thus, our experiences have to be shared in order that God may display His workmanship.