Real Relationships

“He that is a friend loveth at all times: and a brother is proved in distress.” (Proverbs 17:17 DRB )

Weddings, graduations, and funerals draw relatives and friends together. These sorts of gatherings can provide a sense of connection, albeit illusory. A few months after such events, very few of these gatherers will be available to support each other. When the married couple is considering separation, when the graduate is depressed because he can’t find work, or when the widower needs someone to sit with him while he cries--real relationships are revealed.

“Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” (Brene Brown)

Genuine connections are rare. Most of us are content to just fit in and be accepted. We conform and compromise, deforming ourselves into incongruous shapes. We become assimilated into a culture of pretense, where inauthenticity is so common that it seeps into relationships as well.

“As it turns out, men and women who have the deepest sense of true belonging are people who also have the courage to stand alone when called to do that. They are willing to maintain their integrity and risk disconnection in order to stand up for what they believe in." (Brene Brown)

Real relationships require individuals with strong convictions. We have to know who we are, what we believe in, and what we are willing to fight for--before we can authentically connect with another. Consistent, private communication in  times of distress is particularly challenging, especially for those who are driven by the need for social validation. Those who follow the crowd will show up for ceremonies but will disappear when the crowd disperses. They are incapable of handling deep revelations of grief and vulnerability. They cannot know you or understand you, because they don’t know or understand themselves. Therefore, true belonging can only be developed among those have the courage to stand apart from the crowd.