Whatever

These days, the term, ‘whatever’ is frequently used to connote a dismissive, derisive, indifferent attitude. For example:

A parent tells a teenager: “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.”

Teenager responds: “Whatever!”

A few years ago, I developed this ‘whatever’ attitude towards God. I felt like God was not really going along with my plans, so I might as well give up, throw my hands up in exasperation, and exclaim ‘Whatever Lord!’ This was as close to surrendering as I could get!

There are certain things that I feared and dreaded. I wasn’t eager to embrace these situations, even if it was God’s will for me. Jesus also experienced these feelings of dread before suffering. Thus it must be part of the human condition. Yet, Jesus overcame these emotions and submitted to the Father’s will—which was NOT whatever other humans wanted or expected.

Recently, I noticed a slight shift in my prayers. I have been asking God to change my attitude: Grant me whatever I need--to do whatever YOU want, Lord. Equip me, strengthen me, so that I may do Your will.

I’m still not eager to do God’s will, but neither am I filled with dread at the prospect. The tone of my ‘whatever’ has changed to one of less exasperation and more acceptance.

Putting Out Fires

Each day brings a new set of pressing concerns--things that have to be dealt with immediately. In the larger scheme of things, most of these daily dramas are not earth-shattering—forgotten wallets, overdue bills, car trouble, taxes, work stress, aging parents, icy roads, relationship conflicts, emotional issues, etc. Then again, some are personally significant—major health issues, deaths, disabilities, life-changing choices…

By the time I’m done taking care of these matters, I have run out of time and energy. All my attention is poured into resolving the crisis at hand. I’m so busy putting out fires, that I often neglect fire prevention.

According to the National Fire Protection Association, the most common causes of residential fires are: overloaded circuits, neglected smoke alarms, combustibles near heat sources, and unattended stoves or ovens. When I read this list, I realized that I need to focus on both the literal and metaphorical fire hazards in my life. I need to redistribute the electronics plugged into the hubs of power strips around the entertainment center and computers. I should check the batteries on the smoke alarms. I have to move the boxes in the furnace room and remind my son not to use space heaters next to blankets or curtains. I can’t walk away from the kitchen when I have something on the stove. These physical fire hazards are easier to deal with than the metaphorical ones.

I also have a tendency to overload certain areas of my life. I need to reevaluate the essential activities that I need to expend my energy on and unplug from the rest. Sometimes I ignore the alarms going off, even going as far as disabling the detectors that notify me of danger. My body usually sends out signals of stress—reduced immunity, elevated blood pressure, sleep issues, exhaustion, headaches, skin break-outs—and I ignore or cover up these symptoms. I also neglect to leave adequate space around situations that are sure to generate heat. Even when I know something stressful is coming up, I pack my schedule too close, leaving very little room for ventilation. And I often get distracted and leave my hearth unattended. What was intended to be nourishing and sustaining ends up boiling over or scorched.

If I could take some time to fireproof my life, maybe I wouldn’t have to spend as much time putting out fires!

  

Middle-Age Marriages

Marriage is a lot like a team sport. It takes a lot of hard work, strategy, stamina, and concentration to reach the goal. There is always so much going on—and as the game progresses, the players get exhausted.

Middle-age marriages—after the kids are grown, but still dependent—when aging parents require your attention, when neither your health nor energy is as high as it was in younger years—this period can be especially draining.  

In sports, teams use time-outs to halt the game at strategic points. They use these short breaks to huddle together, discuss strategy, give each other pep talks, and get quick refreshments. In football, time-outs have to be used up during each half—they can’t be accumulated and carried over.

Many of us try to plan vacations as a means of refreshment and restoration. Yet, week-long getaways can be expensive and time-consuming. Not to mention that most of the time, you need a vacation from your vacation when you get back. A week is a long time to leave tasks and responsibilities unattended. Stay-cations (where we stay home and do relaxing things close to home) can be restorative. However, most of us are pulled in by all the responsibilities that are part of our regular life. There are people, pets, housework, bills, and phone calls that need our attention.

A 24-hr time-out can be a good compromise. It allows a couple some restorative time—to huddle together, discuss strategy, give each other pep talks, and get quick refreshments. It’s important to take these time-outs at strategic points in the game, especially when the opposition is strong. This might seem counterintuitive—to take a break when the game is at peak intensity—but this can disrupt the momentum, thus changing the outcome of the game in your favor.

Tomorrow I Will Come

On December 15^th, Sunday, I woke up in the middle of the night with this song in my head: “Rejoice, Rejoice, Emmanuel shall ransom captive Israel. Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel shall come to thee O Israel.” I kept thinking about these lyrics and what they meant as I lay awake. Rejoice, God is with us. He shall ransom us from bondage--free us from the grasp of evil. The Savior shall come to us, because He has chosen to be with us.

Later that morning, I heard the same hymn at church—which is not unusual since it is Christmas season. However, when I picked up the church bulletin and saw an article about this song, it caught my attention. Here is what I read in the church bulletin: Benedictine monks wrote this song with seven stanzas, each with a title for the Messiah.

Emmanuel—God-with-us

Rex Gentium—King of the Nations

Oriens—Morning Star

Clavis David—Key of David

Radix Jesse—Root of Jesse

Adonai—Lord

Sapientia—Wisdom

“The first letter of the titles in Latin, starting with the last verse—Emmanuel, Rex, Oriens, Clavis, Radix, Adonai, Sapienta—spells ERO CRAS—that is “Tomorrow, I will come.” (from the church bulletin—Basilica St. John, Des Moines, Iowa)

God is Present. He is Powerful. He brings Light into darkness. He is the Key that opens locked doors. He keeps us Rooted and stable. He is Lord and Savior. In Him is all Wisdom. 

Red Convertibles

A higher education can lead to a job, which, in turn, may provide enough money to pay expenses. This is a necessary part of life. Yet, many of us mistake the means for the end. We imagine that education, title, career, and material wealth will bring fulfillment. By mid-life, most of us have accomplished what we set out to do and discover that we are still unsatisfied.

“Second journeys commence when the power of youth is gone. When the dreams of earlier years start to seem shallow and pointless, when anxiety and self-doubt rise to the surface, and when the possibility of failure presents itself—when the predictable jobs have been completed, when you find yourself saying: ‘Now what?’” (Fr. Gerald O’Collins. Second Journey)

I am at that ‘Now What’ fork in the road. I am not looking for another distraction—yet another red convertible to drive on scenic routes that lead me further away from true fulfillment.

Most of us resist the stereotypical clichés of mid-life—the red convertible, the toupee, the plastic surgery, the affair, etc. Yet, we keep seeking that elusive fulfillment in other, more subtle distractions. We join a cause and make a name for ourselves. We embark on new career paths. We build or buy a bigger house and fill it with articles that reflect our sophistication. We take exotic trips, hike up mountains, jump off airplanes, and learn to scuba-dive—hoping that all these experiences will bring fulfillment.

Basically, it’s like buying a blue convertible and pretending that we are not as predictable as the guy in the red convertible.

Now What? How do we find this fulfillment for which we yearn?

I don’t know…but I suspect that there might be a clue in the following excerpt:

“But now you have arrived at your destination…By faith in Christ you are in direct relationship with God…the fulfillment of God’s original promise (bond). (Gal. 3:24-27 MSG)

Mid-Life Skills

“Much of the work of mid-life is learning to tell the difference between people who are still dealing with their issues through you, and those who are really dealing with you as you really are.” (Falling Upward—by Richard Rohr)

Most relationships act as a magnifying lens, bringing the good and the bad into focus. Certain relationships bring out the best, while others expose weaknesses. By mid-life, we should be able to distinguish between a magnified image and a real image.

We gauge our own personas through the eyes of our friends and family. Often, the unverbalized question that underlies many relationships is: What does this say about me? If I have good friendships, it makes me feel like a valuable, kind person. When I have strained relationships, it makes me feel yucky. When others are disappointed in me, I feel like I must be a disappointment. I rarely pause to consider that maybe they are just disappointed in themselves, maybe they are merely using me as a magnifying lens to work out their own issues, or maybe their ideas about me are just distorted images of themselves.

I hope to learn this mid-life skill of differentiating between perception and reality. I want to learn to see others for who they are—not based on images that are filtered through my own unresolved issues. And, I want to have a clearer understanding of myself—not based on reflections of others—but an undistorted image of who I really am.

The Second Half

In his book, Falling Upward, Richard Rohr discusses the differences between the first half and second half of one’s life. He writes: “The task of the first half of life is to create a proper container for one’s life and answer the first essential questions: “What makes me significant?” “How can I support myself?” and “Who will go with me?” The task of the second half of life is, quite simply, to find the actual contents that this container was meant to hold and deliver.” He mentions that those who do not complete their first half developmental stages will continue working on these tasks well into their second half.

Most of us, who are past 40 years of age and still dealing with issues of significance, financial security, and relationships, are lagging in our development. We are like 5-year-olds who are still not potty-trained. We should have different priorities and agendas in the second half of life than we did in the first half.

Let’s compare the first half of life to climbing up one side of a mountain and the second half as coming down on the other side. Once you reach the top and enjoy the view for a bit, you have to leave enough time and energy to come down the other side of the mountain. Ascending requires striving and stamina, while descending requires balance, caution, and good knees. The last time I climbed up a mountain, I kept focusing on the peak. How much farther? How come these other climbers are going faster than I am? Am I going to make it to the top? On the way down, my focus changed to the next step. I was not at all concerned about anyone else’s speed. I just kept looking down at my own feet, focusing on keeping my balance and not tumbling down the mountain. 

During the second half of life, we grow more introspective and less competitive. We are no longer embellishing our containers. Instead we are focused on the purpose of these containers—to hold and deliver something beyond our own significance, happiness, or comfort. Our goals have changed. We have already reached the peaks of worldly priorities, and now our focus turns inward to soul transcendence. We are no longer impressed by human accomplishments—which pale in comparison to Omnipotence. We have matured beyond grasping--to gasping.

Indiscriminate Giving

“Most women I know are really good at giving. And we should be good at giving. We follow in the way of a Savior who gave himself for the world. But Jesus didn’t give himself indiscriminately; he didn’t give people everything they wanted. Jesus knew his calling from the Father; he knew the unique shape of the redemptive gift he was to give to the world. I believe that too many women give bits and pieces of themselves away, indiscriminately, for years and years, and never have the time or energy to discern their unique calling from God, never have the time or energy to play the redemptive role they are gifted and impassioned to play. The result is a lot of good-hearted, devout Christian women who are exhausted and depressed.” (Lynne Hybels, Willow Creek Church)

I agree with Lynne Hybels. Women are conditioned from an early age to give of ourselves selflessly, without limits. Anything less would be considered selfish and unchristian. As wives and mothers, we are used to putting the needs of our family before our own. And this is how it should be. However, some of us give indiscriminately. We ignore our physical and mental health. We put our relationship with God on the back burner. We get burned out. We become ineffective, out-of-service, and empty.

 

Let’s say your boss sent you to a pawn shop with some money to redeem a watch--a family heirloom. As you walk into the pawn shop, you see a lot of things that seem worthwhile even before you get to the counter. You decide to buy a few extra things for your boss, thinking that you will still have enough left to do what you were sent for. But, by the time you get to the glass counter where the watch is kept, you realize you do not have enough reserves to redeem the family heirloom. You have spent the boss’s resources indiscriminately and now cannot accomplish your assignment.

 

Even if our intentions are good, giving ourselves away promiscuously can be harmful. We are given limited resources of time, energy, talents, and assets. We must be vigilant, selective, and disciplined in how we manage these resources. We are called to give purposefully, meaningfully, and carefully.

Standing Up to Bullies

Most of us have dealt with bullies during our school years. I never stood up to them; instead, I just tried to stay away from them as much as possible. Even as an adult, I use the same strategy. I find it easier to avoid bullies than to stand up to them. Grown-up bullying usually involves mental manipulation and coercion. Bullying is mostly about competing for power. When you allow someone to mess with your mind, you give them power over you.

Although I usually try to steer clear of bullies, I tend to get confrontational when I see them attacking someone I love. My claws come out, and I get really defensive. Trust me, you DO NOT want to mess with me when I unleash my inner b@#ch!

It’s really hard to stand by and watch someone picking on your kid or your spouse or your friend. I have several friends who are just sweet through and through. Bullies frequently abuse their generosity, kindness, tolerance, and grace. And, just like the school-yard bullies, the situation gets worse over time. Continuous disrespect will eventually wear even the most confident person down.

Now…if it bothers me so much when bullies mess with my loved ones, I’m sure it bothers God too. I know most parents would step in when siblings pick on each other. A loving parent would not ask us to tolerate abuse. And our Father is a good parent.

“How exquisite your love, O God! How eager we are to run under your wings…Keep on loving your friends; do your work in welcoming hearts. Don’t let the bullies kick me around; the moral midgets slap me down. Send the upstarts sprawling flat on their faces in the mud.” (Psalm 36:7-12 MSG)

Inheritance

“But Moses gave no inheritance to the tribe of Levi. God, the God of Israel, is their inheritance, just as he told them.” (Joshua 13:32-33 MSG)

Imagine a rich man (for example, Warren Buffet) decides to divide his assets among his children. Let’s say he allots all his stocks to one son, all his insurance companies to another son, all his overseas holdings to a third son, and then he tells his daughter: “You don’t need an inheritance. You get to stay with me and take care of my personal needs and affairs. Oh, and maybe I’ll leave you this house.”

I bet that daughter is going to feel a bit gypped!

However, if the daughter’s love for the Father eclipsed her desire for worldly gain, then she would be pleased with her portion. She would think: Let my brothers have all the businesses; I get to spend time with Dad!

I don’t personally know anyone who would think this way! If I were that daughter, I’m more likely to think: “You gotta be kidding me! Do you think I have no life apart from YOU? Well, I do! You must not think much of me. I’m just as capable as my brothers. I’ll show you!”

Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize the value of our portion. Spending time with God, getting to know Him, studying at His feet, attending to His wishes, and enjoying His presence—this is the most worthwhile of all allotments.

“The one thing I ask of the LORD--the thing I seek most--is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, delighting in the LORD's perfections and meditating in his Temple.”(Psalm 27:4 NLT)

Expecting Christ

When I was pregnant, I slowed down considerably. I still went to work, did chores around the house, and maintained relationships—but somehow I was detached. My body and mind were occupied with the business of growing, transforming, and preparing for the arrival of a child. I lost interest in things that were not connected with the baby. I carefully considered what I ate and what I exposed myself to—whether it was toxins, stimulants, or stress. I was very protective of my body and my environment. I prepared space for the baby. I cleared out stuff from my home--remnants of hobbies I would no longer have time for. I bought baby paraphernalia—crib, blankets, and clothes. I rearranged my schedule and my priorities.   

The season of Advent reminds me of pregnancy. It’s a time of waiting, of anticipation, of preparation, and of joy. I am eagerly expecting Christ.

“Mary’s pregnancy is Spirit-conceived. God’s Holy Spirit has made her pregnant. She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph, will name him Jesus—‘God saves’—because he will save his people from their sins.” This would bring the prophet’s embryonic sermon to full term: Watch for this—a virgin will get pregnant and bear a son; They will name him Immanuel (Hebrew for “God is with us”). (Matt. 1:20-23 MSG)

The Spirit is implanted within me—growing slowly, yet surely. Soon the emptiness will be filled. There shall be light in the darkness. I shall have a purpose beyond myself. I shall be transformed, made complete—for Christ shall be with me.

Planting Trees

When we first moved to our current house, our one acre yard had no trees. I decided to rectify this by ordering twenty tree saplings from the National Arbor Society. When the trees arrived in the mail, I was disappointed. The tree seedlings looked like small sticks with tiny roots. I decided not to put too much work into planting these trees, because I didn’t think they would make it past one winter. I went out and made holes that were just wide enough to fit the seedlings. I watered them once and decided to let nature take its course. Half of the trees survived the first winter. They didn’t thrive, but they didn’t die either. They just remained stunted, indistinguishable from the grass that surrounded them. Every time we mowed the grass, one or two of these tree seedlings would get mowed down accidentally. This pattern continued for several years until finally all the little stunted trees disappeared.

Around the same time, we got two maple trees from a local store. They were about 4 feet tall when we bought them. We dug wide, deep holes for these little trees. We edged the bases of these trees with paving stones and mulched around them. We watered and fertilized them regularly for the first few years. They are the tallest trees in our yard now.

God is the Planter and we are the planted. Unlike me, God is not an inconsistent gardener. He doesn’t just stick us in the ground. He plants each tree thoughtfully and cares for it properly. 

“For my people will be as long-lived as trees, my chosen ones will have satisfaction in their work. They won’t work and have nothing come of it, they won’t have children snatched out from under them. For they themselves are plantings blessed by God, with their children and grandchildren likewise God-blessed. Before they call out, I’ll answer. Before they’ve finished speaking, I’ll have heard.” (Isaiah 65:17-25 MSG)

Unfaithful

“Come back to me with all your heart, don’t let fear keep us apart… Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life.” (lyrics from the hymn ‘Hosea’ by Gregory Norbert)

I was reminded of this hymn recently by my friend JW. She mentioned how, in the book of Hosea, God compares himself to an abandoned, neglected spouse.

When we seek fulfillment in someone or something other than God, are we being unfaithful to Him?

Is complete devotion to God even something we should strive for?

Most of us who have been married for a while know that being a faithful, devoted spouse takes a lot of effort. We start off with good intentions, but eventually our attention is diverted from our spouse to other things—kids, work, other family members, friends, hobbies, projects, etc. We know that our spouse cannot provide us with all the validation and attention that we want and need. So we look for it elsewhere. We don’t call this being unfaithful; instead, we call it being realistic. Yet, even couples who have been married for decades will tell you that they still want this devotion from their spouse. When you stop desiring this, then your relationship has flatlined, and it’s time for some CPR!

Similarly, even though complete faithfulness to God is not humanly attainable, it is still something we should strive for. We can’t give up on this relationship. We have to keep going back with all our heart, not allowing our fear or disappointments to keep us apart. God is faithfully waiting for us.

Adjectives

“They desired to be on their own, to take care for their own future, to plan for pleasure and for security. They wanted to be nouns, but they were, and eternally must be, mere adjectives.” (--from The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis)

We want to be nouns: Doctor, Lawyer, Engineer, Mother, Father, Wife, Writer, Teacher, etc.

We don’t mind if someone uses an adjective to describe us, as long as it enhances the above nouns. For example: great doctor, successful lawyer, wonderful mother, dedicated father, etc.

We strive to become nouns and perhaps modify these roles. We want to be ‘doers’ of verbs—the subject in sentences of our own construction. However, we are meant to be adjectives that glorify God, not ourselves.

What are some of the most common adjectives that are used to describe God?

Holy—set apart

Faithful—reliable, trustworthy

Compassionate—empathetic and having a strong desire to alleviate suffering

Loving—gracious, kind, caring

 

“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do…(Ephesians 5:1 NLT)

Cultivating these characteristics in ourselves is a good start—as long as our intention is not merely to enhance our own self-image.    

I don’t want to have a defined identity apart from God. I don’t want to leave my own mark, but to be a part of whatever God is drawing.

Gift-Wrapped Bombs

I was listening to a podcast by Greg Boyd in which he said something to the effect of: “Evil works by making us do stupid things.”

Stupidity as a tool of Evil—this intrigued me.

Imagine that you are under attack from a super-power country with every imaginable high tech military weapon ever invented. However, this Enemy decides to start off the attack with a simple, yet amusing tactic: Gift-wrapped bombs! Boxes of all sizes, packaged in shiny wrapping paper, tied with pretty bows. Curiosity and stupidity will cause thousands to open these packages, destroying themselves and their loved ones in the process. After many such experiences, the news spreads by word of mouth: these shiny boxes are not as they appear. A few may decide to leave gift-wrapped boxes alone. Then the Enemy changes its tactic just slightly. Scatter a few harmless packages filled with useless trinkets amongst the bombs. People will let their guard down and convince each other that these baubles are worth the risk.

Why would the Enemy go to such trouble? Why not use the direct approach and just drop bombs on top of homes and destroy people? Why would he toy with civilians? We expect the Enemy to fight fairly, to conduct an honorable battle. However, this is not how this Enemy operates. He relishes deception and humiliation. No need to pull out the big guns when banana peels will bring someone down just as easily.  

The Enemy finds it extremely amusing to bring an intelligent person down by having them do something stupid. Anyone can bring a dim-witted person down, but where is the challenge in that! Yet, to watch an intelligent, capable, talented person self-destruct because of one stupid move—is something for the Enemy to gloat about.

The Enemy uses strategic deception that exploits our weaknesses, causing us to self-destruct. We slip and fall on the banana peels of pride and stupidity. We eagerly open gift-wrapped packages of greed, lust, and ambition which soon explode in our face. Yet, we seldom learn from experiences. We continue to fall for these traps.

Lost Signal

My cell phone coverage is spotty in certain regions. I can’t make or receive calls in these dead zones. I’m either too far away from a cellular tower, or the signal is blocked by some large structure such as a hill or tall building. I’ll try to hold up my phone, waving it in the air, hoping to recapture the lost signal. Sometimes this works, and other times it doesn’t. I can predict from my previous experiences where I am likely to lose coverage. On my way home from town, there is a curve that goes through a valley where my phone frequently drops calls. I hope I never get stranded in this spot!

Unfortunately, there are many such valleys with curves in my life.

I have certain areas in my life where I have difficulty hearing from God. The coverage is spotty. God’s signal or influence has not permeated into these regions. Either I am too far away from the signal tower, or there is something in between me and my Provider. I try to hold my hands up in supplication and prayer. Sometimes it works; other times it doesn’t.

When I worry, I tend to stop hearing from God. Anxiety is a curvy road that goes through the Valley of Fear. The signals of Faith and Trust are blocked by barriers of Doubt. We might have to drive through these valleys regularly, but we must be careful not to get stuck in these dead zones.

Laziness

I am absolutely afraid of laziness. I wonder if my fear stems from being perceived as unproductive by others or from an internal drive to be useful. I suspect it’s the latter, because I have this urgency to be industrious even when I’m all by myself. I am a risk-averse rebel. I am reluctant to conform to societal expectations—which can be risky. Yet, paradoxically, I’m resistant to change. I am most efficient when I follow a routine. I don’t like disruptions to my external circumstances, but I am constantly striving for internal transformation. I am ambitious, but not in the traditional sense. I am motivated by things unseen, yet apathetic about acquisitions and achievements.

 “Live your life as your spiritual nature directs you. Then you will never follow through on what your corrupt nature wants. What your corrupt nature wants is contrary to what your spiritual nature wants, and what your spiritual nature wants is contrary to what your corrupt nature wants. They are opposed to each other. As a result, you don't always do what you intend to do. If your spiritual nature is your guide, you are not subject to Moses' laws. (Gal. 5:16-18 GWT)

Back then, Moses’ laws were accepted as the primary code of conduct—the rules and regulations that everyone was expected to follow. Not much has changed. Even now, there is a deep, internal conflict between our spiritual nature and our corrupted nature. Our corrupted nature wants to pursue self-interests, to follow societal expectations, to conform and be accepted. Our spiritual nature wants to go in the opposite direction.

I want to be motivated by God, not by other humans. What would laziness look like from God’s perspective?

A lethargic relationship with HIM? A lack of intensity and passion for HIM? Succumbing to the natural instinct to follow the herd, instead of pursuing HIM?

I’m not sure, but I think spiritual laziness is more detrimental than worldly passivity. I have a nagging suspicion that being God-motivated is the key to meaningful productivity.

Cleaning Light Fixtures

It’s time to clean my light fixtures again. It’s a big job, and I’ve been putting it off. Dust and dead bugs shroud the opaque glass. As I look up at the fixtures, I wonder why most of them are frosted and not transparent. I call my friend who is an expert at such things. She tells me that people prefer opaque fixtures, because they reduce glare and create more ambient lighting. Clear light fixtures allow more light to shine through but also have a tendency to cast shadows. Oh, and dust and dead bugs are easily apparent through the transparent glass.

“Jesus once again addressed them: “I am the world’s Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.” (John 8:12 MSG)

“Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” (James 1:17 NLT)

Yet most of us prefer a filtered version of God’s light. We don’t like the shadows or the glare that comes along with the clear light. So we choose opaque fixtures that diffuse this light to ambient levels. We opt for a life of distorted truth. We never stop to question why we choose to live under frosted fixtures that alter God’s light.  Over the years, the dust builds up, further obscuring our ability to see clearly.

It’s time to clean the light fixtures.

Adaptive Mutations

I’m hesitant to call myself a writer. I’m more of a thinker and notetaker. I read, listen, observe, think, and ask questions. I draw from the wisdom of others around me. I could write a whole book by merely quoting and expounding on the nuggets of truth that my dear friends share with me.

Yesterday, my friend SW said this: “We can all learn to adapt to situations, but that doesn’t mean we are actually flourishing.”

Oftentimes, we can adapt to toxic environments. Like mutated frogs in contaminated habitats, we too may develop extra limbs. I wonder if malformed frogs imagine that they are better at multitasking because they have developed a few extra legs!

In rural areas with septic systems, the wastewater is channeled into a drain field far away from the homes. Most homeowners landscape over these drain fields with ornamental plants or a lawn. Even though this might seem like an ideal place to plant a vegetable garden, most rural residents know better. The risk of bacterial contamination is too high. Trees and shrubs with deep root systems are unsuitable for this area as well. Yet, some unwise residents will plant without consideration for what lies beneath. They base their decisions on the visible, the obvious—on what ‘looks good.’ They learn to adapt to the corrupted environment. They misidentify their malignant mutations as benign metamorphoses. 

Adaptation is not the same as thriving. Human beings can survive in a variety of environments—war zones, concentration camps, divorces, unemployment, homelessness, addictions, sickness, hunger, neglect, etc. Yet, very few of us would welcome these stressors. We would be reluctant to send our children into these situations, even though we know that they would probably learn to adapt. However, many of us voluntarily plunge head-first into circumstances that we suspect will be deleterious in the long run. Why? Because we convince ourselves that the obvious rewards outweigh the vague foreboding that we feel.

Undefended Territory

My front door latch is a bit finicky. If I run out to my detached garage for something, or maybe go for a walk—I don’t always lock my door with a key. I just shut it behind me. My husband has told me several times—“If you go out the front door, then push against it after you close it behind you. Make sure it is latched properly. If not, it will blow open in the wind.” I ran out to Bible study the other day and the front door blew open. (Yes, I forgot his instructions.)  Here are a few possible consequences of my actions: the dog could have run out and gotten hit by a car; the field mice that have been visiting the bird feeders on the front porch could have come into the house; surely the heating bill will be higher, because I let all the cold air in. The moral of this story is NOT that I shouldn’t leave the house for Bible study—but that whatever I pursue, I need to be conscious of not leaving other important things UNATTENDED.

In the book of Joshua, there is an obscure sentence that caught my attention:

“The city was left empty and undefended as they were chasing __________.” (8:15-17 MSG)

I just kept thinking about areas that we leave undefended as we pursue new ventures. Here are a few examples:

Leaving faith undefended while pursuing knowledge.

Leaving trust undefended while pursuing stability.

Leaving the mind undefended while pursuing diversions.

Leaving health undefended while pursuing pleasure.

Leaving the truth undefended while pursuing illusions.

Leaving a marriage undefended while pursuing self-fulfillment.

Leaving children undefended while pursuing success.

My friend, LV, sent me the following verse from Proverbs 31:16 Amplified Version:

“She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard."

Lord, help me to spend my time and strength productively, expanding prudently, without neglecting my present duties.

Pastors vs. Ministers

Jesus was a model Pastor--a charismatic leader and guide, who was completely tuned in to the Father. He was devoted, compassionate, wise, powerful, and ready to sacrifice His life for others. I have yet to personally meet anyone else who fits this level of dedication. However, I have encountered many ministers—mid-level followers, teachers, speakers, and servants—who have been elevated to the role of Pastor.

I don’t think that most humans have what it takes to shepherd, guide, and protect others from evil.

Yet, many of us are equipped to minister—to serve.

Those of us who are used to being dependent, vulnerable, caring, and nurturing—are uniquely blessed to fill this role.

Unlike Pastors, ministers often go unrecognized because they often keep a low profile. Some of the most effective ministers I know are women. Most are freelance servants—those who extend their ministries outside of their churches or non-profit organizations. Although none of them will call what they do a ‘ministry’, their services are invaluable. These incredible women-- ‘take care’, ‘do for’, encourage, support, nourish, nurture, listen, mentor, give, help, clean, visit, call, teach, hug, and share.

I’m continually inspired by these women who serve God quietly behind the scenes, without titles, without recognition, giving all the glory to God.

Thanksgiving List

Here are a few of the things I am thankful for this year. (I can’t rank these in order since they are all really important to me.)

Faith

Health

Love

Family

Friends

Forgiveness

Stability

Safety

Shelter

Provisions

Dedication

Trust

Time

Silence

Peace

The Peter Principle

Dr. Laurence J. Peter came up with the Peter Principle, which is based on the following observation: “In a hierarchy, members are promoted so long as they work competently. Sooner or later they are promoted to a position at which they are no longer competent (their "level of incompetence"), and there they remain, being unable to earn further promotions. http://www.princeton.edu/~achaney/tmve/wiki100k/docs/Peter_Principle.html

Although the Peter Principle is mostly used in business circles, I think it applies to a variety of situations. If you are capable of doing something well, there will be pressure, both internal and external, for you to move on to something bigger. If you are satisfied with your accomplishments in life, then you will be perceived as lacking ambition.  

For example, if you are a good physician, there will be pressure for you to move up the hierarchy into administration, research, teaching, or a more lucrative practice. Or, maybe you are a decent cook and are able to come up with delicious meals for your family and friends. Sooner or later, you will feel the urge to do something more with your talents—maybe open a restaurant or a catering business. Or, if you happen to enjoy gardening and are able to grow vegetables on a small plot, then someone will suggest you dig up a bigger area next year and possibly make some money off your produce. Most of us have internalized this convoluted message: If you are competent and content, then you are not maximizing your talents and opportunities.

“Whether we are poets or parents or teachers or artists or gardeners, we must start where we are and use what we have. In the process of creation and relationship, what seems mundane and trivial may show itself to be holy, precious, part of a pattern.” (Luci Shaw)

If we do something long enough, it will eventually feel mundane. Yet, there are precious lessons, windows of enlightenment, and opportunities for personal growth that can only be reached once we have mastered our roles. When you first learn to ride a bike, it takes a great deal of physical and mental energy just to stay balanced and moving forward. Turns, hills, traffic, uneven pavement—all require your full concentration. However, once you are a competent bicyclist, you have a chance to appreciate the beauty around you, even opportunities for reflection during long rides.

Ultimately, it comes down to what you value most, accomplishment or enlightenment. If you assess the quality of life by acquisition—whether of accolades or external manifestations of success—then you will continue to strive until you hit a point where you are no longer competent. However, if you measure your worth on the basis of meaning, purpose, insight, and wisdom, then there is no limit to your growth potential.

Basic Prayers

Anne Lamott wrote a cute little book titled Help, Thanks, Wow—The Three Essential Prayers. The title pretty much sums up the main idea—that you don’t need elaborate prayers—just ask God for help when you need it; thank Him for everything; and worship Him.

I agree with Annie. (Yes, I like to imagine that I’m on a first-name basis with her and all my other favorite authors.)

Yet, I want to add a few of my own corollaries to her basic idea:

We have a Savior who has rescued us from the influence of darkness. Now, we are under the influence of the Son.  

“For He has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son.” (Colossians. 1:11-13 NLT)

“Help!”—when we are at our most desperate, this is all we need to say. Imagine that you are drowning. You call out to the lifeguard on duty. Once the lifeguard reaches you it is counterproductive to struggle and flail about. Neither is it necessary to offer instructions or suggestions on how you like to be rescued.

“I Trust You.”—This is an important prayer for me. I have major trust issues. When my Savior comes near, I need to reiterate this phrase—not to reassure Him, but to keep myself calm. I have to place my life in His hands. I have to allow Him to rescue me. I am still a long way from the shore. The Lifeguard will swim with me all the way back. As I get close to the shore, as soon as I feel my toes touch the bottom of the ocean floor, I’m tempted to tell Him that I can do the rest on my own. Bad idea! I should just hang on. He will release me when it is safe to do so.  

“Thanks.”—This should be the simplest part. Stop and express sincere gratefulness. Don’t be in a hurry to get away and move on. I’ll be honest—I have a tendency to use this time to tell God how He could have improved his technique and timing. As if I’m filling out a customer service survey! I find myself saying things like: I’m thankful, I really am…but next time, could you be more prompt when I call for help…oh, and don’t hold me so tight—I could hardly move or breathe.”

“Wow!”—Express amazement, praise, adoration—again, this is more for my own edification. It trains me to look higher, to a glory beyond myself.

Stress, Struggle, and Strength

I was noticing how the words stress, struggle, and strength all start with the prefix of str-. I have no doubt that these words are connected with each other. Stress and struggle are essential preludes to developing strength.

I once read a story about a person who tried to help a caterpillar. The caterpillar was developing in its cocoon and straining to break free. The observer decided to help by cutting a slit in the cocoon. The butterfly emerged immediately, but its wings were weak and unformed. The struggle within the cocoon was an essential part of its development. In order for a butterfly to have strong wings, it needs to push the fluid from its abdomen into its wings. There are many versions of this story, but the moral is the same: Sometimes, in our desire to help someone —we actually hinder his/her development.

I was reminded of this story recently as I observe my son struggling out of his chrysalis. I am tempted to intervene, to help, to ease his struggle.

College athletes—especially football players—are put through rigorous strength and conditioning workouts. Strength training coaches prescribe the amount of weights and repetitions. The athletes are trained in the proper mechanics of lifting—so as to minimize injury. A solid strength and conditioning program increases overall strength, flexibility, and stamina.

I doubt that they ever let an athlete’s mom enter these weight rooms during a training workout! 

I keep reminding myself that God is my son’s strength training coach. God knows how much to push my son, how much weight he can lift. Under God’s supervision, my son will eventually grow stronger. A coddling mom is detrimental to the maturation process. I need to stay out of the weight room.

I can, however, provide nourishment, encouragement, and care packages.

Firewall

Most of us who use personal computers have encountered firewalls. Even if we don’t have a complete understanding of their function, we know firewalls protect our computers, somehow. Here is a technical description of what a firewall actually does:

“In computing, a firewall is a software or hardware-based network security system that controls the incoming and outgoing network traffic by analyzing the data packets and determining whether they should be allowed through or not, based on a rule set. A firewall establishes a barrier between a trusted, secure internal network and another network (e.g., the Internet) that is not assumed to be secure and trusted.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firewall_(computing) )

When I read the above description, I realized how much I need a firewall for my mind. Every day, I have incoming and outgoing thoughts (or data packets). Some of these ideas are useful, while others are harmful. I wish I had a firewall around my mind that analyzed these data packets and determined whether they should be allowed through or not.  

 “And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the LORD, and I will be the glory in her midst.” (Zeph. 2:5 ESV)

God is our firewall protecting us from the Enemy. He is the trusted, secure, internal network. Just as firewalls protect computers from malicious attacks, God creates a barrier between our minds and the other network that is not secure or trustworthy.

There have been a few occasions when I have disabled my computer’s firewall--so as to install a new program--and then forgotten to turn the firewall back on afterwards. Similarly, I sometimes disable the spiritual firewall that God has provided and forget to turn it back on—thus allowing all sorts of malignant thoughts to enter my mind.

I need to check my firewalls--the one that protects my computer and the ONE that protects my mind.

Summer School

A high school student who fails a class is required to take it again during the summer. Unfortunately, even though I finished high school decades ago, I have had to attend a kind of summer school.

Let me explain:

I have repeatedly flunked out of the following courses: Trust, Flexibility, Hospitality, Tolerance, and Stress Management. I am forced to repeat these classes over and over again in summer school.

Summers, which often mean prolonged visits with extended family members, test my patience and expose my weaknesses. I come unraveled at the seams, revealing my lack of faith. I become inflexible, defiant, inhospitable, and frazzled. All the lessons I previously learned on these subjects are erased from memory. Each summer I have to repeat these same classes over again. I feel like an idiot.

I wonder when I will actually gain mastery over these subjects.

“We go around and around the same mountain instead of making progress. It takes us years to experience victory over something that could, and should, have been dealt with quickly and put behind us.” (Joyce Meyers)

In order to advance to higher levels, I have to first ‘pass’ these pre-requisite classes. Imagining that these lessons are optional is partly why I’m stuck. Even though these lessons are difficult, I must somehow grasp them so I can move on.

Standard of Living

According to most economists, the standard of living of a particular region can be quantified by measuring certain key factors: income, availability of employment, healthcare, and education, poverty rates, affordability of housing, safety, environmental quality, cost of goods and services, etc.

My definition of a high standard of living differs from those of economists. Factors which I consider important in measuring the quality of my life include: living in a conflict-free environment, being able to take care of the needs of my family without outside help, having the time and energy to—cook healthy meals, clean my own home, exercise, sleep six hours every night, and spend time with loved ones. In my opinion, wealth is measured by your ability to remain content while living within your means. For example, a person who makes over a million dollars a year, but still goes into debt so as to keep up with his other millionaire neighbors, is less wealthy than a person who makes far less, but is content to live debt-free within his limited income.

If you happen to have the ability, opportunity, and inclination to take care of your physical, mental, and spiritual needs, as well as those of your loved ones, then you are experiencing the highest standard of living. Some of us are blessed with ability, but not with opportunity or inclination. Others might have opportunity, but not the ability or inclination. Some of us are able to take care of our physical needs, but not our mental or spiritual needs. Others may be able to take care of themselves, but are unable to take care of their loved ones. Seldom is one individual blessed with all of the above. 

Building Permits

Before you start construction of a new home or add on to an existing home, most counties require you to obtain a building permit. The new construction is usually checked out by a building inspector to ensure compliance with building codes.

When we built our detached studio next to our current house, we really wanted a bathroom in this structure. It would be convenient and add value to the renovation—so it made complete sense to us. However, the building code did not permit for any more bathrooms on our property. We knew others in our neighborhood who had ignored the code and renovated their home according to their own plans. We resisted the temptation to do the same.

Prayer—is a lot like getting a building permit. We get ideas for new construction or major renovations to our existing lives. We pray for God’s blessing on these ventures. Sometimes, God allows it—if it meets His code. However, if it is likely to cause structural damage to our lives—He might not permit it.

Sometimes, I ask God’s help with plans that make complete sense to me—but He rejects my requests. I’m tempted to make things happen on my own power. Occasionally, I ignore God’s code and push my own agenda. My short-sighted plans usually bring temporary satisfaction but risk future safety. 

In some parts of the world, it is a common practice to bribe local officials to gain building permits. It is a bad idea to offer bribes so that you can construct whatever you desire, without regard for future safety. Yet, we mimic those around us, thinking this is the only way to get anything done. Similarly, some of us try to ‘bribe’ God into accepting our requests. We offer time, sacrifices, dedicated service, and rote prayers. We mistake God for an unethical, greedy, third-world government official who can be influenced by bribes.

God knows our needs better than we do. So, the best form of prayer is to lay out your desires, plans, uncertainties, and sufferings before God. Let Him inspect it. Wait for His permission. If it is good, then He will grant your request. If it is flawed, then He will bring about the necessary changes. He knows what is best.

Spiritual Bankruptcy

In my early twenties, I went through a spiritual crisis. My childhood faith, which was largely influenced by my parents’ beliefs as well as my denominational affiliation, no longer fit. As I started noticing discrepancies, I started questioning everything. I felt like a builder who finds out that the foundation is cracked, halfway through construction. The faith that took two decades to build came tumbling down.

Now, in my forties, my faith is once again solid and strong. These days, when I am faced with scriptural and religious inconsistencies, I am not disturbed. I have found peace in my view that all religions are human interpretations of the Divine Truth—a truth that I might never fully comprehend. And that’s okay. I get an indescribable comfort from praying and studying the Bible. I sense God’s presence in nature, His voice in songs, His love in friends, His wisdom in every situation.

Every so often, some crisis comes along that shakes my faith in God. Because I have experienced this spiritual bankruptcy before, I am not as scared as I was the first time. I know I shall recover, even if it takes a few years.

A friend of mine, who is in her late sixties, shared the following insight with me: She never questioned the traditional teachings and scriptural interpretations that were foundational to her faith until a few years ago. Now she is facing the prospect of spiritual bankruptcy for the first time. As I was listening to her, I realized how similar this was to financial bankruptcy. If everything you have is wiped out in your twenties, you still have time to build it back up again. However, if your entire life savings is wiped out when you are in your seventies, it’s a much scarier prospect.

I had never thought of my youthful questioning as a blessing…until now.

I notice several young people going through a similar phase of demolishing and rebuilding the foundations of their faith. Now, I realize that this might be a necessary and healthy part of spiritual growth.