Independent Dreams

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” (Oscar Wilde)

I wish to live a simple, minimalist, quiet, peaceful life. I would like to spend my days tending to my family, friends, and home. This way of life is not selfish, unless it involves asking someone else to compromise how they wish to live.  

As long as our dreams don’t involve other people, we can unselfishly pursue them. Yet, our idealized visions are often enmeshed with the dreams of others…and untangling these codependent dreams is arduous.

When I am crocheting, I spend almost as much time disentangling yarn as I do on my creation. When I’m working on multiple projects, I try to keep each skein of yarn separate, or else it becomes a huge mess. It’s hard enough to unsnarl the knots that seem to form in every skein, but multiple unraveled rolls in the same bag are just a recipe for disaster. 

Similarly, I try to keep my dreams independent. If the fulfillment of my vision involves others having to sacrifice their vision, or vice versa, then it’s sure to become a big mess. Each of us has our own projects to weave, so it’s best to keep our skeins independent.

Jesus Passing By

 ^“Late at night, the boat was far out at sea; Jesus was still by himself on land. He could see his men struggling with the oars, the wind having come up against them. At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them, walking on the sea. He intended to go right by them. But when they saw him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost and screamed, scared out of their wits.

Jesus was quick to comfort them: “Courage! It’s me. Don’t be afraid.” As soon as he climbed into the boat, the wind died down. They were stunned, shaking their heads, wondering what was going on. They didn’t understand what he had done at the supper. None of this had yet penetrated their hearts.”(Mark 6:47-52 MSG)

I have read this passage so many times in the past. I’m usually focused on the parts about Jesus walking on water, telling the disciples to calm down, and then calming the storm. However, this time, the line that stood out to me was: “He intended to go right by them.”

Why would Jesus intend to go right by them? Did Jesus not plan to help the disciples in their struggle?

I think Jesus walked right by them because He wanted them to notice His presence. Jesus wanted them to cease struggling and recall that His power was sufficient in previous crises—and thus will be sufficient in the present crisis. Jesus wanted the disciples to call out for help. He wanted to be invited into the unstable situation.

Lord, help us to cease struggling and call out to you as you pass by. You are just waiting to be asked to come in to our lives and comfort us. Help us to remember all the times you have rescued and saved us. Help us to calm down and trust you to take care of us.

Jael the Homemaker-Assassin

Buried in the book of Judges is the story of Jael. She is described as “most blessed of homemaking women.” (Judges 5:24-27 MSG)

So, how come we don’t hear much about this paragon of womanhood?

Well, here’s the rest of Jael’s story: Sisera, a cruel oppressing general, comes to her tent (home) asking for a drink of water. She decides to be extra hospitable—gives him milk in a nice bowl. After the oppressor falls asleep, Jael drives a tent peg through his head and kills him!

I’m not sure what to make of this story…but for some reason, I’m amused by it. I’m not advocating that anyone kill their unwanted guests. However, I’m intrigued by this obscure character from the Bible. Why is she called ‘most blessed of homemaking women’, and then, a few lines later, she is smashing someone’s head in?

My thoughts: Jael was not about to let a tyrant oppress her in her own home. So she lulled him into complacency and then, like any good homemaker, she ‘took care’ of the tyrant.

As women, we have the right to defend our homes against tyrants. We need to know when to put a stop to the nonsense, when to say enough is enough…when to put a peg in it.  

Praise

(Psalm Study)

“Let every created thing give praise to the Lord.” (Psalm 148:5)

Praise is about acknowledging greatness and worth. When I acknowledge God’s greatness with every breath and take His power as a given in every situation, then it completely changes my perspective.

We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent and the divine is shining through it all the time." -- Thomas Merton

I must admit that it is easier to notice the divine in pleasant experiences—the birds, trees swaying in the wind, and a child’s smile. Yet, I also notice God’s glory in the worst situations. Not at first, because I have a hard time looking past the mess. But once I learn to focus a bit beyond the horrible circumstances, I notice God’s divine light shining through, albeit faintly, because it is covered in mud. 

Lord, help me to look beyond the unpleasantness and notice your divine light in all circumstances. I want to live in such a way that takes your power and greatness for granted. I don’t want to worry or be anxious about anything; instead I shall praise you—acknowledge your greatness and trustworthiness. 

Serenity Bubbles

In my last post, I talked about creating little pockets of peace amidst periods of oppression. Even when we can’t escape physically, we can mentally get away to a happy place. I’d like to mention a few such moments that have lightened my load. I think of them as my own private serenity bubbles.

--I recall moments of laughter with my husband and son.

--I remember all the pretty hikes with my dog.

--I relive the sweet memory of sitting in my friend’s kitchen while she cooked me the most wonderful nurturing food and served it with pure love.

--I have a picture of an old, rickety cabin surrounded by mountains and a river. I imagine myself in this place, snuggled in peace and privacy.

--I think of how things could be worse and thank God for the blessings I have right now.

--I remind myself of witty quotes I’ve read.

--I think of times I’ve walked around Costco with good friends. (Yes, I know it’s weird, but it’s my bubble, so don’t judge!)

--I write—in my head.

--I repeat strengthening Bible verses in my mind. 

Serenity bubbles are fragile and can burst easily. Thus, I’m protective of these pleasant memories and rarely speak of them. I try not to expose them to the harshness of reality. Like heirloom glass balls, I keep them safely wrapped up in my hope chest. On difficult days, I take them out, one by one. An inexplicable calm and strength comes over me. And then…I wrap them back up and put them away securely. 

Rehabilitation

How come some prisoners serve their sentence and come out rehabilitated, while others just become hardened criminals? I read some accounts written by ex-convicts who came out of their periods of incarceration as better individuals. Most of them cited education and supportive relationships as integral to rehabilitation. 

Nelson Mandela, who was a political prisoner for more than 27 years, shared the following lessons from prison life: Look brave even when you don’t feel brave. Create little pockets of peace.

Viktor Frankl, who was imprisoned in a German concentration camp, said the following: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” 

If we are going through a prison-like experience, is there a way to use this time to reform ourselves?

When our independence is taken away from us for a period of time, we learn to appreciate many little things we used to take for granted and still do. We learn empathy for those in similar circumstances. We also learn about our own strengths and flaws and our subconscious beliefs. This is our education. 

Some of us are blessed with supportive relationships—people who can be relied on even in the worst of circumstances. It is invaluable to have at least one person in your life who is consistently available, encouraging, and empowering. 

Prison takes away our freedom to make many choices, but it also clarifies the choices that we have left. We can choose our attitude. We can choose to be brave even when we are frightened. We can create little pockets of peace—appreciating every minute of privacy, enjoying a bit of fresh air, sharing laughter with a friend, focusing on something beautiful for a little while, showing kindness to a fellow prisoner, savoring every pleasant second, and reminiscing about sweet memories. 

Good Bitch

My favorite scene from the movie The Wizard of Oz is when Glinda the Good Witch tells the Wicked Witch: “Oh rubbish. You have no power here…Begone!”

This scene raises a lot of questions for me:

1.     How can I recognize ‘rubbish’ when I hear it?

2.     Why do I give others power over me?

3.     Do I really have the power to dismissively shoo off Wicked Witches?

4.     Does it take a Good Witch (or Bitch) to handle a Wicked Witch (or Bitch)?

“A Bitch occupies a lot of psychological space. You always know she is around. A Bitch takes shit from no one. You may not like her, but you cannot ignore her.” (from the ‘The Bitch Manifesto’ by Joreen) 

Until I saw The Wizard of Oz, I always thought of all witches as evil. If it takes a Good Witch to dismiss a Wicked Witch, then it must take a Good Bitch to confront a Wicked Bitch. My Inner Bitch stays dormant most of the time. I’m not really proud of her, but I keep her around for emergencies. Someone recently pointed out to me that it might be time to retire the Good Bitch costume; that it doesn’t suit me anymore. I’m not sure I agree.

I release my Inner Good Bitch when confronted by a Wicked Bitch. The Good Bitch recognizes ‘rubbish’ when she hears it. She doesn’t cower or allow evil to overpower her. Instead, she banishes evil with a wave of her hand, saying: You have no power here…Begone!

Let It Be

The Beatles released their famous song “Let It Be” in the same month and year that I was born.

“When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be…”

I want to learn how to let things be….especially situations and people that I have no control over anyway. Instead, I get all riled up and upset about every injustice, false statement, and unfair criticism. I am fiercely loyal to those I love. When someone speaks negatively about one of my loved ones, I cannot let it be. This gets me involved in unproductive conflicts. I wish I could just ignore it and walk away—or just avoid those people.

However, when I cannot get away from a conflict, I resort to confrontation management. I decide to stand up for my beliefs and not back down. I use every weapon at my disposal; I show no mercy, and I unapologetically defend those I love.

I cannot control the attitudes of those critical people. I can’t change their opinions no matter what I say in response. So, I need divine help to ‘let it be’—even when I feel defensive. I need to trust that God is in charge of every battle. I only need to fight when He instructs me to do so.  

Masking Tape Fixes

“The Lord is great, with limitless strength; we’ll never comprehend what he knows and does.” (Ps. 147:2-6 MSG)

  

Lord, I’m thankful that you are my strong, wise, always dependable, reliable Father. I need you today. You know the big picture. I don’t. You know how all things fit together. You are in charge. You have always been there for me. I want to be confident and peaceful in your care…but I’m feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

What if I called in an electrician or plumber to fix a problem in my home and then hovered over him saying inane things like: What are you doing? Do you know what you’re doing? Maybe you should try some masking tape, I’ve got masking tape; do you want me to go get it? I’m not sure you look like you know what you’re doing!”

My hovering and suggestions would be distracting. My lack of confidence would be draining.  

I want to be confident in God, to trust Him to take care of everything. Since I’m not quite up to this level, I try to project the image of the person I want to be. I suggest masking tape fixes to problems that are way beyond my comprehension level. But God knows my heart, my weaknesses, my fears, my circumstantial peace, and my lack of faith. He knows the root of every problem. He treats the disease, not just the symptoms. 

“But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10 MSG)

Focusing on the Positives

A Complaint Free World, by Will Bowen, challenges readers to go for 21 days in a row without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping. His definition of complaining is broad—it includes any expression of discontent. If you say: “It’s raining,” and you are discontent about that fact—then it’s complaining. I doubt I’m going to get through a single day of not expressing discontent! Oh darn, I’ve just expressed discontent by typing that statement! I have become aware of how much more I fixate on negative experiences than on positive ones.

I don’t want to pretend that injustice and pain don’t exist in this world. Yet, griping about problems without coming up with solutions is unproductive. For example: “It’s probably going to rain today, and I’m going to get soaked,” is an unproductive negative statement. However, “It’s probably going to rain today, so I’m taking my umbrella,” is still negative, but with a productive countermeasure.

What if there isn’t a workable remedy to the negative situation? Is there value in just venting and making others aware of a problem?

As I write this, I’m thinking of a friend who is going through a really rough patch right now. I think her venting is very healthy—without it, she might implode and self-destruct. However, I have a relative who is a chronic complainer. Almost every sentence that comes out of her mouth is negative or a preamble to criticism. She imagines that her griping is productive—that it keeps everyone from falling into disaster; but none of us have that much power or influence over circumstances. 

I would like to switch my focus to the blessings all around me and let everything else get blurry. This is very difficult. My eyes are naturally drawn in to the imperfections in every situation. I have to take my mind off of autofocus and manually focus on the positives. This is going to take a great deal of conscious, intentional effort!  

Thick Skin

Most women desire to have soft feet. My feet are callused from running. I used to routinely scrape the thick skin off my callused feet so I, too, would have soft skin. However, my feet would hurt the next day when I ran, and the calluses came back within a few days.

Calluses—thick skin that develops as a reaction to pressure and friction—are the body’s way of defending itself. It isn’t aesthetically pleasing, but it’s functional. The best way to deal with calluses is to reduce the cause—the pressure and friction. However, if we can’t make changes, or don’t desire to make changes—then it’s best to leave the protective calluses alone.

I don’t want to stop running, so I have learned some ways to care for my feet. First of all, I have accepted that my feet are not going to look or feel like that of a non-runner. I buy shoes that are a bit bigger to give my feet room to expand as my mileage increases. Since dry, cracked feet are not helpful, I moisturize my feet daily and give myself foot rubs to increase circulation. And finally, I no longer file my calluses down—instead I admire their thickness.

If you have developed a ‘thick skin’—a mental toughness due to pressure or trauma—don’t be in a hurry to get rid of it. If you want to stop whatever is causing the pressure and friction, that’s fine—but don’t just scrape away your protective coating. Nurture yourself. Don’t neglect to care for the parts that are traumatized. Yet, keep the thick insulation that prevents further damage. Although not aesthetically pleasing, it is functional. Accept it as your personal shield of armor.   

Suburbs

Many of us live in the suburbs, in residential communities that are close enough for daily commuting to a city. Suburbs feel safer, more detached—while still allowing us to rely on the larger city.

At times, I have lived in the suburb of Despondency—on the outskirts of the city of Darkness. I have also lived in the village of Hope—nearby the city of Light.

Both suburbs have allowed me access to the big cities while lulling me into a false state of complacency. It allows me to retain some sense of identity, to stay uncommitted, to not really belong—since I’m just a commuter. 

I would never intentionally live or work in the city of Darkness, so why would I reside in the suburb Despondency? My wish is to live and work in the city of Light, so the suburb of Hope seems like a good place to start.

Wordless Prayer

“My raised hands are my evening prayer.” (Ps. 141:1-2 MSG)

There is a beautiful simplicity in wordless prayer. I used to equate adoration with silent praise—but now I realize that even when I’m not speaking, my mind is still filled with words. Adoration is wordless praise. Yet, it is difficult for me to go from too many words to none at all. So, I am learning to be a minimalist in prayer. I go to a solitary place, I raise my hands up, and I use my ten fingers to help me focus. For ten breaths I focus on one word: Father; another ten breaths focused on another word: Jesus; another ten breaths: Holy Spirit. Then, I move on to ten breaths of thanksgiving—silently counting off things I’m feeling thankful for right at that moment. Yes, it’s still wordy, even though it is silent,—but I’m getting closer. 

My usual form of prayer is filled with requests and concerns, lots of pleading petitions, and suggestions on how God could improve his customer satisfaction scores. I rarely feel centered and calm after these sessions. 

I’m hoping to train my mind to only focus on God and completely surrender to His will—knowing He is capable of taking care of everything without reminders or suggestions.  

“Dear Lord, I only have eyes for you. Since I’ve run for dear life to you, take good care of me.” (Ps. 141:8 MSG)

Managing Others

I absolutely hate being manipulated.

The definition of manipulation: to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner.

When we try to manage or influence others and call it ‘helping’—is it just another form of manipulation? Are we just ‘helping’ them to do things according to our ideals?

Most conflicts are based on power struggles. Opposing sides have different visions on ‘how things ought to be’ and proceed to convince others to go along with their ideals. Some battles involve physical violence, while others employ hurtful words and manipulative tactics.

Once we recognize that God is in charge of both sides of every battle, we can rest from struggling.

Lord, You are in charge of me and everyone else. You are the Manager of the entire universe. You are able to influence people’s choices, thoughts, actions, and attitudes. I don’t have to be in constant power struggles with those who are trying to control me. You are in control of me and them. I can be tranquil and at peace, confident in Your managerial skills.

Bothersome Flies

There is a stupid fly that has been buzzing around all morning while I’m trying to write. I’ve tried to whack it several times, but it moves too quickly. Why does this fly bother me? Why can’t I just ignore it? It doesn’t bite like a mosquito. It probably spreads disease, but whatever germs it has on its feet are probably already on every surface of this room. So, really, there is no point in me getting flustered by this little fly. Yet, I am. I’ve been watching it, following its every move, waiting for it to rest on any surface. Once, it sat so close to me that I could see it rubbing its hands together sinisterly—probably plotting how to distract me for another few hours. Stupid fly! Stupid me…

I get bothered by things like this all the time. If I could just recognize that all these things that I am distressed about are just temporal and not eternal—that what is troubling in human terms is not troublesome to God.

“Darkness isn’t dark to you.” (Ps. 139:12 MSG)

What we humans consider dark, hopeless, scary, and insurmountable—for YOU, LORD—it is not so. Nothing fazes You. And since we have your reassuring presence, nothing should faze us either. Help us to see clearly beyond human worldly drama to divine spiritual reality. 

Pregnant with Strength

(Psalm Study)

Mammals differ in their gestation periods based on a variety of factors. Larger animals tend to have much longer gestation periods than smaller ones. Marsupials tend to have shorter gestations since they carry their young in pouches after birth.

When I was pregnant with my son, I went through a multitude of phases. At first, nobody (not even I) knew that someone new was growing inside me. During the first trimester, my body reacted unfavorably to the internal changes. It took another few months before I started to ‘show’—where others could see that I was changing. Finally, after nine months, the person who was growing inside me was delivered.

“You made my life large with strength.” (Ps. 138:3 MSG)

“You encourage me by giving me strength.” (Ps. 138:3 NLT)

As I read the above verse, it reminded me of a friend who is going through a tough time right now. Yet, I can sense that the Lord has planted a seed of strength in her. It is incubating, still imperceptible, and I don’t know how long the gestation will be. I hope to be by her side while she goes through this period of stretching and growth. As she carries this inner strength to term, I wait with her, expectantly, for the day when her strength will be delivered and visible—when all this heaviness will finally bear fruit. 

Lord, you give us strength through your Spirit that is in us. Every trial is a time of gestation for this inner strength to grow. Help us to call out the inner strength in each other. 

Moral Courage

Malala Yousafzai is one of the current faces of moral courage. Malala, a Pakistani student, stood up for her beliefs and got shot by the Taliban. She survived her injuries and continues to speak up for the right of young girls to be educated. Although she has gained popularity worldwide, she was considered an upstart and rebel by her own community.

Robert Kennedy was also known for speaking out against injustice. He was assassinated for his beliefs.

“Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world which yields most painfully to change.” (Robert Kennedy)

Moral courage is standing up for what you believe is right, even if that means being criticized or ostracized by those around you. Whenever you question the traditional standards of your family, friends, or community, there is bound to be conflict. Yet, when you fail to stand up for your civil rights, but, instead, go along with the status quo—so as to avoid friction, criticism, or societal ostracization—then you are displaying moral cowardice. You might justify it as ‘picking your battles,’ or ‘trying to keep peace,’ or ‘not wanting to rock the boat,’ but, in reality, it is just that you don’t want to face the displeasure and disapproval of those around you.

I am learning to accept conflict as a byproduct of moral courage. I expect it. I prepare to deal with it. Any time I stand up for my values, there will be some backlash from those who have a different perspective. Bring it on! 

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” (Steve Jobs)

Great Minds

During the summer, beaches and swimming pools are crowded. Many people just stay lounging on the beach chairs, occasionally dipping their feet in the water. Some parents with young children splash around in the shallow end of the pool. There are very few people swimming. Most are there to stay cool, to have fun, to admire and be admired. Most of us know how to swim. We get dressed in swimsuits and show up at the beach or swimming pool. Yet we choose not to swim. We are too image-conscious to mess up our hair or makeup; we came to have a good time, to chill—not to exert ourselves.

When you get together with friends and family, what do you discuss? Do you talk about food, the day’s events, the weather, other people, politics, current events, accomplishments, or acquisitions? Do these conversations lead to a deeper understanding of higher truths? Or are you content to splash around in the shallow end of the pool?

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. (Eleanor Roosevelt) 

Most of us are capable of thinking, discussing, and learning. Enlightenment involves a bit more exertion than lounging on the shore or merely dipping your toes in the ocean of truth. It requires a certain detachment from the distractions and diversions all around you. Great minds are not content to stay on the shallow end. They wade in—deeper and deeper—until their feet leave the familiar ground—and they can do nothing else but swim.

Night Shift

My husband occasionally works the night shift at the ER. He stays awake while most of us are sleeping. He helps those who need healing during the darkest hours.

“You who serve at night in the house of the Lord—Lift up holy hands in prayer, and praise the Lord.” (Psalm 134:1-2 NLT)

Does God need night-shift workers to work alongside Him? Does He want a few of us to stay alert and pray during times of darkness? Does He ask us to be on-call for those who need spiritual encouragement, comfort, and healing? How can we train ourselves to be alert and oriented during the darkest hours? Where can we find strength to lift up our hands in prayer and praise to the Lord when we, too, feel tired?

“But be on your guard. Don’t let the sharp edge of your expectation get dulled by parties and drinking and shopping. (Luke 21:34-36 MSG)

It is so very easy to get distracted by worldly concerns, diversions, and our own internal struggles. We are not of much use to God when we are distracted, agitated, or unconscious.

“When he came back to his disciples, he found them sound asleep. He said to Peter, “Can’t you stick it out with me a single hour? Stay alert; be in prayer so you don’t wander into temptation without even knowing you’re in danger. There is a part of you that is eager, ready for anything in God. But there’s another part that’s as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire.”(Matt. 26:40-41 MSG) 

We must rest and fill up with the Spirit during times of light, so we may function during times of darkness. During the darkest hours, we must stay alert and focused—lifting our hands in prayer for those who need healing and comfort—reminding them and ourselves of God’s power and dependability. 

Delusions of Grandeur

I’ve often wondered why the U.S. government gets involved in the civil matters of other countries. Do we not have enough domestic issues to engage us? Or is it that we find it less painful to deal with other people’s problems than our own? Sure, we have invested a great deal in foreign affairs, and as a world Superpower, we feel a certain amount of responsibility for the welfare of every human—especially those who are subjugated by oppressive governments. Yet, previous experience has shown us that meddling in the civil wars of other countries brings very few long-term benefits to anyone.

Similarly, meddling in the lives of others rarely benefits anyone in the long run. It might allow us to feel like a superpower for a little bit, and it might distract us from our own domestic problems. Yet, when we can’t fix our internal conflicts, why do we assume that we can change the minds and behaviors of others?

If a friend or family member asks us for guidance, it’s okay to give them our opinion. However, when we insist on handing out unsolicited advice, it is seldom useful or accepted.

We worry about our loved ones. Our worry and concern leads to meddling. The difference between intervening and interfering is subjective; it depends on the viewpoint of the recipient. Worry and meddling is a sure sign of a lack of trust and respect—in God--in His ability to take care of every situation and person.  

“I haven’t meddled where I have no business or fantasized grandiose plans. I’ve kept my feet on the ground, I’ve cultivated a quiet heart…Wait for God. Wait with hope.” (Psalm 131:1-3 MSG)

Passive Beliefs

One day, I saw a mom and teenage daughter at Walmart, both riding around the store on separate, motorized, shopping scooters. Neither looked disabled—just obese. Now, I’ve seen plenty of non-disabled people riding around in these before, but this was the first time I had seen a mother/daughter pair doing so. They went around the same aisles, shopping—most of the groceries were in the mom’s cart. The teenager just followed a few feet behind. The generational passivity was saddening.

The next day, I heard a sermon about experiencing God. The gist of the sermon was this: ‘The Church’ has processed all the available wisdom about God and came up with the ‘objective truth.’ Since this was all processed, pureed, and diagrammed out for all the members of this One True Church, the members didn’t need to think too much. It has all been experienced/figured out by the experts. So just open wide and swallow. I just sat there and shook my head. I wished I could just stand up and walk out. However, I didn’t. I had my parents on one side and my son on the other. Every pew held multiple generations since it was Father’s Day. We all sat there passively accepting this pureed faith. 

Just like pureed food is necessary for the very old, the very sick, and the very young—I’m sure there are some people who require a pureed faith. Yet, when we ingest this processed, regurgitated dogma, simply because we are too lazy to think, seek, and experience God—we are not much different than the obese people who ride around in those motorized carts, because they find it too exertive to walk. What’s even more depressing is that we pass these bad habits from generation to generation.

Beasts of Burden

(Psalms Study)

Most people associate horse-drawn carriages with romance and fairy tales. I didn’t think much about it until I saw a human pull a rickshaw in Kolkata (formerly known as Calcutta), India. Now, every time I see a horse pulling anything, I wonder how it feels about being used as a beast of burden—walking around busy city streets with blinders on, harnessed and controlled by humans, pulling a carriage filled with people who don’t feel like using their own legs. I wish these horses could be galloping freely in some lush valley instead.

Sometimes I feel like one of these horses—controlled and manipulated by those who have harnessed me.  I walk along with blinders, oblivious to everything other than what the driver wants me to see. I pull baggage that is not my own. And like these horses, I get accustomed to this way of life. Those who never experience freedom from bondage assume that this is the only way to live.

“Then God ripped the harnesses…” (Psalm 129:4 MSG)

 Lord, thank You for ripping the harnesses which allow others to control and manipulate me. Thank you for taking the blinders off and releasing me from a life of pulling burdens. 

Zen and the Art of Lawn Mower Maintenance

When I was in my twenties, I read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Persig. I had no interest in motorcycles or Zen Buddhism. Yet, I found Persig’s style of finding meaning in mundane, daily tasks intriguing. This book has greatly influenced the way I think.

Recently, my husband was doing some routine maintenance on our lawn mower. I was just assisting him—basically handing tools to him and observing from the side. He siphoned off the old gasoline from the mower and put in new gasoline. He explained that you have to do this every season, because the old gasoline separates and clogs up the machine. Then he changed the oil and filter. He took out the old, cruddy, black oil first, then changed the filter, and then put in fresh clear oil. It was just another messy, mundane task, but it reminded me of something else.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my spirit is being siphoned out of me.

I can identify with this verse from the Psalms. 

“They’ve kicked me around ever since I was young, but they never could keep me down.” (Psalm 129:1-4 MSG)

 Lord, You keep me going. You maintain me. You take out the crud and refill me with good. When people and circumstances suck the human spirit out of me, You fill me with the Holy Spirit.

___