Soul Care

“What could you ever trade your soul for?” (Matthew 16:28 MSG)

A friend of mine routinely packed her child’s lunches with nutritious food. Little did she know that her daughter often traded her yogurt and fruits for cookies and candy. This little girl just wanted what tasted good. She didn’t have the wisdom or willpower to care for herself properly. Similarly, God provides us with opportunities for true nourishment, but we often trade it in for junk. We chase after things that make us feel good, because we are unable to discern what our soul really needs.

The soul is nourished by acceptance, authenticity, personal responsibility, autonomy, spiritual discipline, emotional boundaries, healthy relationships, rest, solitude, and self-awareness. However, most of us pursue leisure, entertainment, pleasure, distraction, excitement, or adventure in the hope that these will revive our souls. We conflate relaxation with restoration.

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” (Psalm 23:1-3 ESV)

Lord, lead us to peace and fulfillment. Grant us the wisdom and discipline to care for our souls.  

My Sanctuary

“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” (Psalm 32:7 NIV)

The other night, I was having trouble sleeping.  I was anxious about a lot of things. I woke up to some unknown sound around 3 am. My husband was working the overnight shift, so I was alone in bed. I lay awake for hours, with my eyes closed, willing myself to fall back asleep. Wave after wave of negative, fearful, worrisome, pessimistic thoughts filled my head. Finally, around 5 am, I heard the following old hymn in my head:

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

The song washed over me like a lullaby. I remembered the story behind this old hymn--how it was written by a man who had faced the death of his children and the loss of his fortune. I realized that whatever happened, even if I lost everything in this world, my essential self is hidden in Christ. I am safely tucked away in His sanctuary where He sings songs of peace over me. God is my guardian, my guide, my healer, and my provider. He has always been there for me. He will continue to be there for me. I can relax. It is well with my soul.

What's Your Major

"They paid no attention to what I said and went about their own business, refusing to be guided or instructed by me." (Jeremiah. 17:23 MSG)

“What’s your major?”

Most college students are used to getting this question from older adults. Many students are unsure of what they are meant to do. They explore various interests and change their majors frequently. They spend a great deal of their energy pursuing current passions and having fun.

What’s your purpose? Who are you meant to be? Why are you here on this earth?

The majority of grown-ups, even in their 40’s and 50’s can’t answer these questions. We act like undergraduates in college, spending our lives chasing after pleasures and distractions. We strive for wealth, power, admiration, and enjoyment. And, because we are consumed by these lesser pursuits,  we have very little time and energy left for our ‘major’--the primary purpose for which we are here.

When we walk away from God’s intended path for us, when we go about our own business, we end up having nothing meaningful to show for our lives. We can spend our years dabbling and wandering, or we can meet with our Advisor and seek His guidance. We have access to the Spirit of Truth who will counsel us if we are willing to pay attention. Only by listening and following God’s directions can we live a life of purpose according to His will.

Lord, call us back when we wander off from Your Purposes. Help us to pay attention to Your guidance and instruction.

Protection from Evil

“But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.” (2 Thessalonians 3:3 NIV)

When we got a dog, we decided to get a real fence rather than an electric fence. We didn’t want our dog to wander off; neither did we want other dogs to come into our yard and bother her. This high fence has kept her secure from external temptations, but she still gets in plenty of trouble inside the fence. She digs holes, chews on things she shouldn’t, and chases any rabbit that enters through the small gaps.

The prophet Isaiah described God as a barbed wire fence preventing trespass.  God can provide a hedge of protection from external evil. He can also hold us back from wandering off into danger. Yet, what about the evil within us--the false beliefs and crooked impulses? We must rely on God to keep us safe from these too. When we are made aware of our foibles, we have to be willing to change. When we submit to God’s instructions and yield to His discipline, we are protected from wickedness.

Lord, strengthen and protect us against internal and external evil.

__

Denial

“Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure.” (John 3:20 MSG)

When I was in college, I bought myself a leather miniskirt. It was perfect for late-night events, and I felt fabulous in it. Over the next decade, I graduated from college, started a career, got married, and had a kid. I also gained and lost 50 pounds.  With all the changes in my life, I had to replace most of my clothes. But, I couldn’t part with the leather skirt. Every so often, I would try it on. It sorta, kinda fit. (I couldn’t snap the top button, but if I wore a long, loose blouse with it, no one would notice.) Plus, who knew? I might need it someday in the future if leather miniskirts came back in style. There was a part of me that knew I was in denial. Even so, I kept it. It stayed on the top shelf of my closet, covered in dust, for about fifteen years. Then one day, as I was cleaning out my closet, I tried the skirt on and looked at myself in a full-length mirror under a bright light. It was time to get real: I was no longer the same person as I was in college. I had grown. My lifestyle had changed. I did not go to places where leather miniskirts were appropriate. The skirt no longer fit either my body or my life. It had to go. I packed it up and took it to Goodwill before I changed my mind.

It is difficult to let go of what was once true but is no longer. When we refuse to recognize or acknowledge that things have changed, when we continue to hang on to relationships that no longer fit, or attempt to belong to social groups that are meaningless--we are in denial. When we cling to old habits that are unproductive just because they are familiar and comfortable, we are just deluding ourselves. It is a good idea to periodically assess your beliefs and see if they are still appropriate. Letting go is always painful, but sometimes necessary. Getting rid of that which no longer fits allows you to make space for new relationships, attitudes, and behavior that can enhance your life.

Lord, may we evaluate ourselves under Your light, relinquish our addiction to denial and illusion, and embrace new truths as You make them evident.

Flattery vs. True Admiration

“A flattering neighbor is up to no good; he's probably planning to take advantage of you.” (Proverbs 29:5 MSG)

Flattery preys upon the vanity of the recipient. It lays a beguiling trap and wheedles people into believing falsities and doing things they would normally not do. Flattery is not benign politeness. It is often a subtle form of manipulation employed by those who consider themselves shrewd.

Flattery is shallow and disingenuous. Deep down, it shows contempt for the intelligence of others. Flatterers have an agenda. They are attempting to influence others by their words. On the other hand, when you hold someone in high regard, you want to be influenced by them; you try to emulate them. True admiration takes devotion and dedication, which neither the charmer nor the sycophant is willing to commit.

“Between flattery and admiration there often flows a river of contempt.” (Minna Antrim)

Protect Me

“Keep me safe, LORD, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from the violent, who devise ways to trip my feet.” (Psalm 140:4 NIV)

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, safety is one of the most basic human requirements. We all want to feel physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually safe. When we feel threatened in any of these areas, it becomes difficult to focus our energy on higher levels of development. Thus, we attempt to meet these basic needs by any means necessary. Eventually we figure out how powerless we really are. Life is full of circumstances beyond our control. We can do our part, but the bulk of it is up to God.

Since ancient times, we humans have been praying to God to provide us with our basic, physiological needs of food, water, and shelter. We have also prayed for protection against danger, oppression, diseases, neediness, loneliness, anxiety, and fear. Once we recognize the prevalence and potency of evil, we can’t go on pretending that we can take care of everything on our own. We can see some of the obstacles in our way, but we also realize that there are just as many stumbling blocks that are invisible. We ask God to keep us safe, because we know we can’t. We pray against internal and external evil. We learn to trust God. We find security by hanging on to His promises:

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me.” (Psalm 91:14 MSG)

Direct vs. Indirect Communication

“As for me, I would speak directly to the Almighty.” (Job 13:3 NLT)

Direct communication involves telling it like it is--making straightforward statements without hidden messages or circuitous narratives. Indirect communicators often use implications, omissions, and body language to make their point. A listener is expected to read between the lines. What is unsaid is often more significant than what is said.  Intermediaries are often used to convey unpleasant information. U.S. Americans, Australians, and many Western Europeans are known to prefer direct communication, while Asian, African, Middle-Eastern, and Latin American cultures tend to prefer indirect communication.

I have been exposed to both direct and indirect styles of communication. Although I have learned to read between the lines, I much prefer to communicate openly and unambiguously. This is also how I like to pray. Thus, I am drawn to Scripture verses that directly address God. It’s wondrous to find exactly what I want to say, while at the same time knowing that others have mouthed the same words before me. This type of prayer allows me to be with God, open myself up, listen, and connect. I am strengthened and comforted by this communion--my spirit absorbed in His Spirit.

“Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble, and you will answer me.” (Psalm 86:6-7 NLT)

Precious Peace

“Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.” (Proverbs 17:1 NIV)

Feasting and Strife--this could be the theme to many social reunions. There is always a certain amount of underlying friction and overt status seeking at these events. Everyone compares themselves to each other--who seems to be more successful, who has a better marriage, whose children are taller, who has gained weight? The food and wine are mixed with rivalry, resentment, pretentiousness, and insincerity. I have never understood why anyone would want to participate in such events. Wouldn’t it be preferable to eat a piece of toast in peace than feast with discordant people?

I will choose serenity and solitude to strife and social gatherings any day. However, external tranquility does not always ensure internal contentment. I have lain awake many nights, when all is quiet in my home--but my mind is in chaos. When my attempts to bring order to my thoughts meet with failure, I resort to prayer. I have discovered that only God can bring me true peace.

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.” (Psalm 4:8 NLT)

Admitting Flaws

“I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.” (Psalm 32:5 NIV)

We once rented a vacation home which had a sensitive septic system. The owners had a long note in the restroom of things not to flush down the toilet. I was glad that they were candid about this issue; otherwise, it could have caused trouble for all of us.

Everyone is flawed. Most of us are aware of our shortcomings, but some of us refuse to acknowledge our defects. Pride can prevent us from admitting our iniquities, and this can be hazardous to everyone involved. Do not coddle inauthenticity in yourself or in others. It just messes with your head. Eventually it strips you of the ability to distinguish between what is genuine or counterfeit. Don’t waste time or energy on artificial relationships. Recognize your flaws and be transparent about them. Be real.

Lord, guard me against all deceit. Help me to be honest with myself and with others.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

“She is clothed with strength and dignity.” (Proverbs 31:25 NLT)

When I meet new people--particularly men--I tend to let them know my boundaries quickly. I let others know what is important to me and what I will not tolerate. Much of this can be done by showing interest or disinterest in a conversation. For example, if a guy starts talking about his spouse or kids, I show interest by smiling and making eye contact. On the other hand, if some guy starts trying to impress me with what kind of luxury car he drives, I look around the room and plan my escape.

“Boundaries teach people how to treat you and they teach you how to respect yourself.” (Cheryl Strayed)

By setting healthy limits, we let others know what we consider acceptable. However, this requires us to have a clear understanding of our own priorities and principles. As we get to know ourselves and learn to evaluate others better, we are able to draw and maintain lines of demarcation.

A certain amount of contemplation, maturity, boldness, and dignity are necessary before we can establish and preserve these personal boundaries. By letting others know what we will tolerate or won’t tolerate, we show them that we respect ourselves. And, when we are honorable, others are more likely to treat us honorably. Thus, let us wrap ourselves in strength and dignity, boldly assertive, clearly marking our moral standards and personal boundaries.

Unfaithful

“Some trust in chariots and others in horses, but we depend on the LORD our God.” (Psalm 20:7 NET)

On a sunny, calm day at the beach, you can swim in the ocean without much worry. On the off chance you might need some help, you know that the lifeguard on duty would save you. However, on a stormy day--when the waves are high, and you can’t stay afloat on your own--that confidence is tested. If I were struggling in the water, and the lifeguard swam up and offered to stay by my side while we both swam back together, I would be disappointed. My response would be: “Why didn’t you bring a boat or a jet ski? Can’t you see that I am afraid and exhausted? I don’t have the strength to swim back!” I would look around to see if I had any other options.

When we are faithful to God, we place our confidence in Him. When we place our confidence in anything else, we are being unfaithful. It’s easy to trust God when things are going well. At this point, faith is just a nebulous concept. However, in the midst of trials, when things are falling to pieces, we want certitude. We want immediate rescue, tangible results. Jesus offers compassion--He is willing to suffer with us. This is NOT what we had in mind. When we look around for other options, we are, in essence, rejecting our Savior.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” (Proverbs 3:5 NIV)

Seed Packets

"She broke open the jar and poured the perfume over his head." (Mark 14:3 NLT)

“She has just done something wonderfully significant for me.” (Mark 14:6 MSG)

The colorful pictures on seed packets never depict the actual seeds. Instead, they advertise plants that have reached their full potential. Every flower and vegetable is shown in their mature form, in peak condition, free of blemishes.

My real life garden never looks as perfect as what these images depict. Thus, I am reluctant to tear open these pretty packages. However, I must break it open--or it remains attractive but useless. The seeds appear dull and insignificant--yet I plant them in dirt. I attend to them daily--watering, pruning, weeding, mulching, fertilizing, inspecting them for pests, staking them with support when needed. After all this work, some of the fruit will be wormy and misshapen. Yet, it is real--and authenticity, however imperfect, will always be more more significant than pretty packaging.

Lord, enable me to break open everything that I hold precious and offer it to you.

Seeking Relevance

“And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” (Matthew 16:26 NLT)

Brett Favre is one of the most successful NFL players in recent history. His outstanding career as a quarterback and his multiple endorsement deals have also made him very wealthy. Yet, Favre is almost as well-known for his reluctance to retire as for anything else. After several decades in the limelight, it is understandable that he would have trouble adjusting to private life. Adulation can be a hard addiction to quit.

We all want to be relevant, to make an impact, to be significant. We are eager to pour ourselves into endeavors and people that make us feel valued. When others seek us out, validate us, admire us--we imagine that we are important and essential. Unfortunately, this sort of relevance is not sustainable. As we age, our physical bodies deteriorate and our mental abilities decline. No matter how much we contribute to this world, in a few decades, we will no longer matter.

We spend our entire life chasing after external validation, imagining that it will bring meaning and purpose to our existence. Our self concept and self worth become deeply dependent on worldly affirmation, however fleeting.  And, the more we focus on this temporal relevance, the less we pay attention to what is truly significant--our internal connection with God, our eternal soul.    

The Value of Rejection

“The rejection will force honesty, as God reveals who they really are.” (Luke 2:35 MSG)

When was the last time you felt rejected? Has someone felt rejected by you recently?

My husband and I were considering buying a new piece of land. The selling price was higher than what we were willing to pay, so we decided not to purchase the property. We had nothing against the seller; he seemed like a great guy. It’s just that our desire for what he was offering was not that high.  I wonder if he felt rejected.

This year, my garden produced more peppers than I can use. I have been giving away my extra peppers to anyone who will take them. Many of my friends have passed on my offer. Should I feel personally rejected when someone rebuffs my offer?

It is much easier to accept rejection from strangers than from family and friends. Our identities are wrapped up in pleasing and being accepted by those close to us. We want them to accept and appreciate what we have to offer. In turn, we feel compelled to pick up whatever they are placing in front of us--whether it be advice, opinions, expectations, labels, or criticism.  Everything is taken personally. If our loved ones are unhappy, we feel responsible.

Rejection is a lot like seeing a ‘Road Closed’ sign as we are cruising down the highway. It forces us to stop. This can be disappointing, because it causes us to lose our momentum. However, there is some value in rejection. It reveals truths about the rejectors as well as the rejectees. It allows us to reevaluate our ideas as well as the expectations of others. It makes us take a closer look at our perceptions. It clarifies our desires and how much we are willing to give. It compels us to be honest with ourselves.

Lord, grant us the wisdom to separate our intrinsic value from the worthiness of what we offer.

Moral Muscle

“Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them - living and breathing God!” (Romans 8:5 MSG)

I can be a kind, considerate, loyal, friendly, helpful person...until someone messes with me. Then I  turn defensive. I gather up my loved ones, retreat to my fortress, close the gates, pull up the drawbridge, and release crocodiles into the moat.

I want to change. I want to be a better person. I want to be patient, compassionate, forgiving, and loving--even to those who hurt me or my loved ones. However, no matter how much I try, I go back to my instinctual habits. I cannot be Christ-like on my own. No matter how much I develop my moral muscles, I am unable to get very far from my default settings. I must trust God's action in me. I must recognize that God's Spirit, living and breathing within me, will achieve what I cannot accomplish on my own.

Holy Spirit, take over.

Snobs and Hypocrites

(continued from last post)

“The integrity of the righteous guides them, but the hypocrisy of the treacherous destroys them.” (Proverbs 11:3 NLT)

Farming is one of the most honorable professions. Most farmers I know are very down-to-earth (no pun intended). I greatly admire their simplicity, honesty, and strong work ethic. Oh, and I’ve rarely met a snobby farmer, although I have met many pretentious foodies.  

“Hypocrisy is the essence of snobbery, but all snobbery is about the problem of belonging.” (Alexander Theroux)

A snob is defined as a person who imitates, cultivates, or slavishly admires social superiors and is condescending or overbearing to others. Pretension paves the way for acceptance and belonging among certain social groups. It is reassuring to feel included and esteemed, even if it is mostly fake. Snobs are never truly loved or admired by anyone. Hypocrisy is the essential lubricant that keeps these simulated relationships from grinding to a halt.

A hypocrite will put on any mask that begets applause. But the mask obscures his ability to see the truth, and it’s only a matter of time before he falls flat on his face. Integrity allows one to remain steadfast to his principles. A noble person is not easily swayed by public opinion. He remains sincere and straightforward, no matter what the cost.

Lord, help me to reject hypocrisy and have the courage to remain firm in my convictions.

The Hypocrite Games

“I do not sit with the deceitful, nor do I associate with hypocrites.” (Psalm 26:4 NIV)

When I was a child, I used to play pretend games with my cousins and friends. We would pretend to be moms to our little dolls or storekeepers selling merchandise, etc. By the time I was ten, I had outgrown these games. However, even in my forties, I am expected to participate in feigned, social relationships. In this dystopia, hypocrisy is the norm. Those who play the roles they are assigned are well-liked. Counterfeit connections are encouraged and nurtured as long as they increase one’s popularity. Awards and applause are given out for the best actors and performers.

As for me, I don’t want to play pretend games anymore. I do not even want to be a spectator of this type of farce. It’s not that I can’t, or that I don’t know how. I just refuse to participate in anything inauthentic. It’s not that I don’t care about what others think. I am actually quite sensitive. It’s just that I am unwilling to trade in my convictions for approval or admiration.

(continued in next post)

Launching Myself

“Surrender yourself to the LORD, and wait patiently for him. Do not be preoccupied with an evildoer who succeeds in his way when he carries out his schemes.” (Psalm 37:7 GWT)

The above verse goes completely against my natural instincts. I’m not the passive, capitulating type. I get aggravated at manipulators and bullies. I want to defend, speak up, and fight against anyone who takes advantage of others. Why can’t I let go and surrender everything to the Lord? Why can’t I wait patiently for HIM to sort everything out?

I am afraid to launch my little lifeboat fully into God’s unknown waters. Instead, I try to paddle my own way, while staying close to shore. I imagine that everything beyond my vision and control must be dangerous. I so want to trust God and let Him fight my battles...but my faith is weak.

I’ve tried to win this war I confess

My hands are weary I need Your rest

Mighty Warrior, King of the fight

No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move

When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through

When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

(Lauren Daigle “Trust in You”)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_aVFVveJNs )

Taking Back Your Peace

“If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you.” (Luke 10:6 NIV)

My husband and I used to go fishing at our neighborhood pond every summer. We would sit in companionable silence, enjoying the peace and stillness. Then, one summer, we had some houseguests who wanted to fish with us. They believed that every activity, including fishing, required a running commentary. They made everything into a competition--who could skip rocks better; who could cast farther; who caught the biggest fish? They thought our way of doing things was too boring. We thought their way of doing things was annoying. After that summer, fishing at the pond never felt the same. However, the experience was not a complete waste. I learned a few things about how to deal with those who thrive on theatrics:

-Don’t participate.

-Don’t give them an audience.

-Have firm boundaries.

-Distance yourself.

There are those who promote peace, and then there are others who block it at every turn. Agitators feel energized by drama. They are bored by tranquility. Even if you show them the way of peace and contentment, they will not accept it. They would rather have attention and admiration than serenity. They will suck anyone who is not firmly anchored into their egocentric vortex of turmoil. You cannot change them, but you can change the way you respond to them. You can take back your peace by refusing to participate or engage in the drama.

Hermitage Fantasies

“Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands.” (1 Thessalonians 4:11 NLT)

The older I get, the more I crave silence and solitude. Although most people think I am an extrovert, I prefer to be by myself than with a group of people. I’m a big fan of hermits like John the Baptist, Thomas Merton, Henry David Thoreau, and Julian of Norwich. Every so often, I fantasize about living in a cabin, near a lake, in the woods...with high-speed internet connection. I imagine myself growing and preserving my own food, reading, writing, and just sitting in contemplative silence. But, truth be told, I wouldn’t last very long in the wilderness. I’m not fond of bugs and rodents. And, even though I know I am comfortable with external silence, quieting my mind is still a challenge.

"Silence is God's first language, everything else is a poor translation. In order to hear that language, we must learn to be still and to rest in God.” (Thomas Keating)

God communicates best in silence. He communicates directly to each of us.  When we attempt to interpret and verbalize spiritual insights, a lot is lost in translation. Our minds flit about like hummingbirds from one flower to the next--looking for nourishment, but never enough to find satisfaction. Meanwhile, God sits in our midst like a bird feeder full of nectar. All we have to do is sit still and drink until we are full.

Lord, show us how to settle quietly into Your presence and absorb Your Spirit.

Take Off Your Shoes

"Take off your sandals, for you are standing on holy ground.” (Exodus 3:5 NLT)

This morning I walked out to my garden to get some fresh holy basil to brew tea. I usually have coffee in the morning, but today I wanted to try some herbal tea, because I wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t find any shoes near the door, so I walked out barefoot through the grass. The grass was covered in morning dew, and the sensation of the cool, wet grass, was a bit unexpected. I felt suddenly alert, all my senses awakened.  I heard the mourning dove cooing, the crickets chirping. I saw the cobwebs glistening in the early morning light. As I bent down to pick the herbs, their pungent aroma evoked the following thoughts: Why is this plant called holy basil? Aren’t the other plants holy too? For that matter, everything around me feels holy right now--the grass, the birds, the insects, the air, me...

God surrounds us, but we are oblivious. We are so busy--occupied in our daily endeavors--that we often fail to recognize the holiness in everything. In our eagerness to make an impact, we stomp around with heavy-duty, cleated boots--making a mess of things. Because we are so intent on getting noticed by others, we fail to notice God all around us. Stop! Take your shoes off. Pay attention. You are treading on holy ground.

“Earth's crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God;

But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,

The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,

And daub their natural faces unaware.”

  (by Elizabeth Barrett Browning)