“Mary sat down attentively before the Master, absorbing every revelation he shared. But Martha became exasperated by finishing the numerous household chores in preparation for her guests, so she interrupted Jesus and said, “Lord, don’t you think it’s unfair that my sister left me to do all the work by myself? You should tell her to get up and help me.” (Luke 10:39-40 TPT)
Author and therapist Melody Beattie describes caretaking as a symptom of codependency. Caretakers seek out people to rescue. Being recognized as useful and helpful raises their self-esteem. Unfortunately, this requires diminishing the person they are taking care of as helpless, incompetent, or incapable.
“Caretaking perverts Biblical messages about giving, loving, and helping.” (Melody Beattie, Codependent No More)
Caretaking perverts are addicted to feeling needed and appreciated. Their giving is motivated by their desire to feel significant, dutiful, and righteous. They feel peeved when those whom they help do not acknowledge their usefulness. This leads to resentment.
“The Lord answered her, ‘Martha, my beloved Martha. Why are you upset and troubled, pulled away by all these many distractions? Are they really that important? Mary has discovered the one thing most important by choosing to sit at my feet. She is undistracted, and I won’t take this privilege from her.’” (Luke 10:41-42 TPT)
Caretaking can become a distraction, pulling us away from our true calling. It might make us feel important temporarily, but the fix doesn’t last long. Our significance does not come from our usefulness. Our worthiness is inherent. Christ is with us and within us.
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