Swaddling

photo credit-http://blog.angryasianman.com/2012_08_01_archive.html

 

I recently saw a segment on TV about swaddling babies. Swaddling mimics a constricted environment, similar to the womb. It provides warmth and security and thus helps the baby stay calm. I remember wrapping my newborn like a burrito, all snug and tight. Some people just wrap a baby in a blanket loosely, with its arms hanging out. A properly swaddled baby can’t flail his arms around because everything is wrapped tightly in the blanket.

When I face a crisis, I automatically have the urge to flail around…not just my arms, but everything! The following cartoon describes me perfectly.

photo credit- http://www.nataliedee.com/

With anxiety comes the urge to fidget, to do something, to thrash around even when it’s unproductive. Not only does this just whip me into a frenzy, it’s also exhausting.

I crave to be swaddled in God’s comforting grace, held in His arms, tight against His chest…To be still, calm, at peace, knowing all shall be well…‘cuz-- He’s got this!

Blessings in Disguise

My favorite salad dressing is Golding Farms fat-free raspberry walnut vinaigrette. I used to buy it regularly at Walmart. For several months now, I haven’t been able to find it. I bought other raspberry vinaigrettes, but I didn’t like them. Every time I went to the grocery store, I checked to see if it was back. After weeks of disappointment, I finally concluded that they must have discontinued production of this item for some reason.

Yesterday I was at Walmart, passing by the salad dressing shelves, and there it was! One lonely jar of my salad dressing. I was ecstatic! I grabbed it and started searching behind it to see if there were more hidden in the back of the shelves. There were! Except all the other bottles had completely different packaging! The bottles were a new shape and the label was completely different. I would never have recognized them as my beloved salad dressing without this one old bottle sitting in front! I wondered if these bottles had been there for the last few months, and I had just overlooked them because they were not in the usual packaging.
 
At times, it’s hard to recognize blessings when they come in unusual packaging. Here are a few examples. An acquaintance of mine became a close friend only after we went through similar hardships. I would never have recognized our kinship, because she looks and acts completely differently than I do. When my husband and I moved to the Midwest, away from all that was familiar, we saw it as a time of trial. But now, in retrospect, we acknowledge that this was a blessing in disguise.

Certain life events, like weddings, births, graduations, etc., are easily categorized as blessings. Others, like moving to an unfamiliar place, a serious illness, unemployment, relationship troubles, etc., are seen as misfortunes. Every one of these life events involve struggle. There is as much pain in birth as there is in death, as much struggle in building a relationship as in ending one. Blessings often come packaged in pain, labeled as affliction.

Occasionally, these difficult circumstances cause us to turn away from God. This is what turns an affliction into a curse. However, if any of these struggles bring us closer to God, then ultimately, they become blessings.

Starling Murmurations

Yesterday, I saw a flock of starlings, also known as a starling murmuration. Their beautiful, aerial aerobatics are amazing to behold. In case you’ve never seen this, here is a link to a video of this phenomenon:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH-groCeKbE&feature=related
The first 10 seconds are enough to give you an idea.

Although this is a common sight where I live, I pause every time I see a starling murmuration. Every autumn, I look forward to their mesmerizing dance. I wonder at how they move as one, how they are all connected. I can’t help but applaud the Choreographer who came up with this and all the other wonderful displays in nature.

“Keep your eyes open for God, watch for his works;
be alert for signs of his presence.” (Ps. 105:4 MSG)

I felt God’s presence as I watched the starlings. I also sensed His presence with my son, as he drove away, by himself, for the first time. I acknowledged God’s providence at the grocery store, as I paid for this week’s provisions for my family.

Yet, I can’t help but wonder why God allows some families to go hungry, some birds to be shot and killed for sport, or some children to be killed in car accidents or wars.

I keep my eyes, ears, and all my senses tuned into God, waiting for elucidation. He helps me realize that we allow our human family to go hungry. We shoot birds for sport. We decide that driving after a few drinks is perfectly fine, or that war is justified -- and sometimes, children die in the process.

God allows us to exist and move according to our own will. We must not hold Him responsible for our extemporaneous moves. Like the starlings, we too were choreographed to move as one, in step to the divine tempo, all of us connected to God.

Make it Work

Theodore Roosevelt is known for the saying: “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” This motto influenced his foreign policy. His administration negotiated diplomatically with foreign countries, while holding the threat of violence in reserve. While I’m not a huge fan of big-stick diplomacy, I have come up with my own version of this motto.

“Talk fast, and wear big earrings; it’ll distract others.”

Say what?? Yeah…I know it’s not quite as profound as Teddy’s quote, but it works for me. I have a variety of flaws. I compensate for most of them by the art of distraction.

I’ve always had a tendency to flit from one random thought to the next. Some people might mistake this for A.D.D., but I prefer to just call it quick thinking. I also have never learned to filter my thoughts before I speak. Now that I’m solidly middle-aged, I’ve developed some memory loss too.

So I’ve learned to compensate for these weaknesses by talking fast. This enables me to not forget what’s in my head this instant, and two seconds later, when I’ve already moved on to something completely unrelated, I’m hoping others are distracted along with me.

In my opinion, big dangly earrings make women look younger and energetic. Most people are too busy looking at the gaudy earrings to notice my wrinkles ;-) Plus they make me look animated! Ok, this probably won’t work when I’m 80, but for now it’s a cheaper, safer alternative to a face-lift!

The point I’m trying to make is this: Although our flaws become concentrated with age, sometimes a little humor and a confident attitude go a long way in helping us and others adapt. I know I’ve quoted some famous theologians and philosophers in previous posts. This time, I’d like to end with a quote from a modern day philosopher, Tim Gunn, the mentor from the TV show Project Runway: "Make it work--use what you have on hand to transform your situation."
 

Hand-Holding

When my child was about 5 years old, we taught him to cross the street by himself. Even then, occasionally as we crossed a busy street together, he would reach out and hang on to our hands. We never slapped away his hand or ridiculed him for it. By the time he was 7, he was totally confident in his street-crossing abilities. He would run ahead of us, casually cross busy streets, and be waiting impatiently on the other side for us.

Many young people require a bit of hand-holding as they transition into new levels of maturity. Even after they are able to do things independently, they may reach out for guidance and comfort. It’s ok to grant them a grace period, allow them some time to get used to each new phase. As parents, we might feel as if we are coddling them, delaying their development into mature, confident grown-ups. Soon enough, they will be competent adults that are way ahead of us, waiting for us to catch up. And a few years later, they will be holding our hands again, this time helping us cross the street.

There is a difference between a young person reaching out for help and a parent who insists on a firm grip of control on an emerging adult. We, as parents, must encourage competence, not constrict it.

God, our Father, graciously holds on to our hands. HE would never turn away from us if we reach out to HIM for help, no matter what our age. At the same time, He would never stunt our growth by controlling us either.

“For I hold you by your right hand--I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, 'Don't be afraid. I am here to help you.” (Isaiah 41:13 NLT)

Lord, allow us to extend grace to our children, the same way YOU do for us. Show us how to guide them into maturity.

Mountains and Ravines

“You make springs pour water into ravines
So streams gush down from the mountains.
They provide water for all the animals…
You send rain on the mountains
From your heavenly home,
And you fill the earth with the fruit of your labor.” (Ps. 104:10,13 NLT)

Massive mountains and deep ravines… both are extremely difficult to navigate. Why did God create either? Why can’t life be more like gently rolling pasture land?
 
 Mountains cause air to rise and cool. The moisture in the air condenses and falls as rain on the windward side of the mountain. Ravines are cut into the mountains by the force of flowing water. So mountains promote rainfall, which falls into ravines, causing gushing rivers that sustain growth down-stream.

Every mountain in our life, every hardship, causes God’s spirit in us to rise, condense, and fall like rain. This rainfall leads to flowing water, which in turn carves deep channels within us, through which grace rushes down-stream, nourishing us and others.

There are phases in our life that are similar to gently rolling pasture land. Most of us prefer these periods of rest and peace over the hardships of climbing treacherous mountains. However, the extreme conditions, the radical changes in elevation and the physical and mental discipline that are required to summit these mountains, strengthen our faith and our trust in God. Our mountaintop experience promotes compassion, empathy, and vulnerability, which, in turn, enrich everyone that we encounter.

Restoration

Forgiveness, Healing, Restoration…

My husband and I like to watch TV shows about home renovations. Some old houses are totally gutted, and everything is replaced by modern materials and décor. Other historical houses are rebuilt to their former glory using antique pieces and salvaged material that fit the original style of the house. The plumbing and electrical wiring are updated, and a lot of work is put into reinforcing structural damage. I especially love it when the designers rip up carpeting and find hardwood flooring underneath! It’s fun to watch these transformations on TV, but I would not want to go through a home renovation in real life.
 
We all look forward to being restored to our former, whole condition. Sometimes, a layer of ourselves is removed to reveal God’s original perspective. Like hardwood, it might need some refinishing, but the end result is worth all the work. Other things, like innocence and idealism, can never be renovated to their original state. Instead, they have to be replaced by stronger support beams like maturity, clarity, and wisdom.

“I’m about to rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
Lay your foundations with sapphires,
construct your towers with rubies,
Your gates with jewels,
and all your walls with precious stones.
All your children will have God for their teacher—
what a mentor for your children!
You’ll be built solid, grounded in righteousness,
far from any trouble—nothing to fear!
far from terror—it won’t even come close!
If anyone attacks you,
don’t for a moment suppose that I sent them,
And if any should attack,
nothing will come of it.” (Isaiah. 54:7-11 MSG)

Healing

I didn’t learn to ride a bike until a few years ago. Every time I fell, I would get so upset. I remember the last time I fell, I slipped on some loose gravel and scraped my hands and knees. Just looking at the bloody cuts, with the little pieces of gravel and grass imbedded into my skin, made me cry. I was embarrassed, mad, and sad, all at the same time. Once I washed the cuts, got all the debris out, put some triple antibiotic, and slapped several band-aids on, I felt a little better. The wounds would take some time to heal, but I had taken the first step to recovery.

The healing process starts with forgiveness. Forgiveness is like washing away the debris in a wound. A clean wound is much more likely to heal. If you just cover up a cut without flushing it out properly, it’s much more likely to get infected. Bitterness festers without forgiveness. The soothing balm of God’s Word is like the antibiotic that penetrates deep into our lacerations, preventing invasive, disease-causing microbes from multiplying within us. Finally, cover the wound with God’s grace and wait. Don’t pick at the scabs. Don’t mess with it unless you see signs of infection. I find that refreshing the bandage of grace, on a daily basis, promotes healing.

“Then your salvation (light) will come like the dawn,
and your wounds will quickly heal.
Your godliness will lead you forward,
and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.”
(Isaiah 58:8 NLT)

Forgiveness

I looked up forgiveness in the dictionary. Here is one of the definitions I found.

Forgiveness -- the end of blame.

When I think back on all the things I’ve supposedly forgiven, I realize that I still feel the need to blame someone. For example, take the tragedy of 9/11. I think I’ve moved on, forgiven the perpetrators, but I still blame the terrorists.

For every injustice that we have suffered, whether it be in our childhood, marriage, workplace, or community, we feel the need to hold someone accountable. Sometimes we blame ourselves. Other times we blame our parents, spouses, bosses, the economy, the government, or our circumstances. We feel the need to place responsibility for the wrong on someone or something. We like to think of this as “forgiving without forgetting”. This partial forgiveness is all we can muster on a human level.

“In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part.” (Matt. 6:14-15 MSG)

Through prayer, we have access to higher powers of forgiveness. We are not limited to the usual, measly, human version of: “Because I’m a much better person, I’m going to overlook that thing you did… for now…but you owe me big-time!” Instead, through God’s grace flowing through us, we are able to sincerely let go of blame. We become a conduit for Divine forgiveness. God forgives, we forgive…God forgives, we forgive….

Child-Proofing

When my child was a toddler, I went around my home child-proofing against every potential danger. I plugged up every unused electric outlet. I crawled around on my hands and knees looking for small objects that could be choking hazards. I had child-proof latches on all the lower cabinets. I moved all the household cleaners to the top cabinets. I routinely removed the knobs from the stove. I did all this to prevent my child from hurting himself because of his curiosity or carelessness.

We lived in a multi-level duplex at that time, and there were 3 sets of stairs. I bought baby gates to put on the top and bottom of each step, but realized that it would be impractical to use them on a regular basis. So I taught my child to crawl up and down the steps even before he was walking. I’d just crawl up and down the steps with him as part of our daily playtime. He learned a healthy fear of stairs. Even after he learned to walk, he was always careful around stairs, whether it was at our house or anywhere else.

I thought of all this when I read the following verses:
 
“He has removed our sins as far from us
As the east is from the west.
The Lord is like a father to his children,
Tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For He knows how weak we are;” (Ps. 103:12-14 NLT)

Sin is anything that separates us from God. Our compassionate Father routinely removes many dangerous temptations from our daily lives. Like any good parent, He child-proofs our environment so that we don’t self-destruct due to our curiosity or carelessness. However, God doesn’t block every hazard. He teaches us to have a healthy fear of some things. He shows us how to navigate these troublesome situations safely and cautiously.

Solo Projects

My husband and son are in a rock band. They have been on hiatus recently. As my son explained, “We are each focusing on our own solo projects.” This made me smile.

Many famous bands take time off to make solo albums. If they succeed, their solo careers take off. If not, they usually reunite with the band. Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, and Gwen Stephanie are all examples of musicians who did better on their solo projects.

I’m ambivalent about doing things by myself. On the one hand, any project is more fun when you collaborate with others, share your achievements, and encourage each other. On the other hand, everyone has a different pace, level of interest, and scheduling issues. Sometimes groups can goad each other to do better. Other times, groups can hold back an individual from discovering his/her true potential.

Take, for instance, our relationship with God. Although we claim to want a personal relationship with God, most of us prefer to spend time with HIM in church or Bible Study groups. For some of us, faith flourishes around like-minded people. Sometimes, church feels more like a “group date” to me. My husband and I go out with a group of other couples occasionally. We go to movies or dinner at each others’ houses. It’s a lot of fun and we do feel energized afterwards. Yet, it is not intimate.

Although I find inspiration from others, I routinely feel the urge to get away. Sometimes I just want to focus on my solo project. I want to retreat from everybody else and just lock myself in a room…just Jesus and me…

Motivation

What motivates people? External rewards like trophies, bonuses, and new toys tend to lose their glow eventually. Motivational speakers pump up their audiences with pep-talks, but after the conference is over, most people go back to their default settings.

I regularly make resolutions to live better. What motivates me to follow through on some of these and not others? Small successes are always en-couraging. If I start running and I’m able reach a goal that I’ve set for myself, it gives me a certain feeling of accomplishment. If my husband compliments me on how I look because of all the running, that further motivates me. If I hear of someone else my age who is training for a marathon, that inspires me. However, if my knees hurt, or the weather turns unfavorable, that dis-courages me (all my courage leaks out). So I've learned to set small, reachable goals with time parameters. Most of what motivates me are intrinsic factors--a sense of accomplishment and personal satisfaction. External recognition and peer pressure goad me to a lesser extent.

The first lawn mower we bought was a push mower. Someone had to stand behind it and use a lot of force to make it go forward. Then we got a self-propelled mower which was a lot easier to operate. We just had to walk behind it and mostly guide it. I used to wonder when my son would be more self-propelled like that mower. I notice that if he cares enough about something, he is willing to put aside everything else, until he accomplishes his goal.

I think that this is one of the keys to motivation--to really care about something enough to make it a priority--to be willing to give up everything else that is below that thing on your priority list. So when I’m not motivated to continue running toward my goal, it’s really because I don’t care enough about this goal to put up with the discomfort that comes along with it. I don’t care enough about it to give up my time for it.

Now, if only I could figure out how to make myself and others CARE enough…

Procrastination

A few years ago, my sister told me about the OHIO principle--Only Handle It Once. Whether it’s opening mail, paying bills, cleaning, or making an appointment, deal with it right away. In theory this sounds like a great plan.

I’m pretty good about replying to email and returning phone calls within 24 hours. (Unless, of course, I don’t like that person!) I usually don’t put off regular house cleaning, paying bills, exercising, writing blog posts, or doing taxes either.

I procrastinate about washing pots and pans after a meal, going to the dentist, dusting ceiling fans, shampooing carpets, purchasing big-ticket items and starting long-term projects. These are the things I really don’t want to do. Subconsciously, I’m hoping that if I stall long enough, someone else will take care of it, or I’ll just forget to do it, and it won’t really bother anyone.

Procrastination is just a delay tactic to avoid things we really dislike. The longer we wait, the more monumental the task feels. What starts off as a small unpleasant project that might take 30 minutes to do, turns into an all- day undertaking later. And obviously, if you didn’t want to take 30 minutes to do it a month ago, you sure don’t want to spend a whole day dealing with it now!

When I was a kid, I always ate my least favorite thing first and saved the best for last. I’ve tried to do that with chores, but the yucky chores seem to take forever, and I’m too exhausted and cranky to do anything after that. When we have several left-over dishes in the fridge, our family reluctantly sits down to a “left-over smorgasbord” meal. Maybe I could make a procrastination list--things that have been left over from my to-do list for several days. I could allot a few hours a week doing something on this list. Yes! I like that. I think I’ll wait till next week to start though…this week’s kinda busy ;-)

 

Collapsed Muffins

Most of my friends will attest to the fact that I’m not good at baking. I do have a few muffin recipes that come out ok. Recently, I tried to combine two of my favorite muffin recipes, thinking that it would be my ‘new and improved’ masterpiece. Well, they came out of the oven with their tops collapsed. I had to throw them all out.

I’m not sure what went wrong. Maybe my baking soda ratio was off? Maybe I filled the cups too much. Maybe the ingredients in the two recipes don’t work together. I was disappointed that I had wasted my time and all those ingredients. I went back to my old way of doing things. I resolved to never try that again.

I had the best intentions--take two good recipes and make an even healthier one. But as the poet Robert Burns said: “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” Good intentions and detailed planning are no guarantee that you will reach the desired goal.

Whenever you try new things, there is always a risk of failure. Every dream has the potential to turn into a nightmare. Every time you reach beyond your grasp, there is a chance that you could fall on your face. Yes, I know I’m a pessimist.

I admire people who react to setbacks with a casual shrug. When they fall, they pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and try again. How can I cultivate this attitude in myself?

(If you are one of those people who are able push past failure, please comment or email me on how you do it.)

Philippians 4:13

As I was running the other day, I heard the song, “Strong Enough”, by Matthew West, on my mp3 player. I wasn’t paying close attention to the song until the last verse, which was this old-timey, sing-songy, version of Philippians 4:13-- “I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength.”

Instantly, I was transported back to 1997, one of the darkest points of my life. Several different factors had come together and pushed me into a black hole that I couldn’t get out of, no matter how much I tried. I cried out to God. He took His own time, but eventually pulled me out.

I was a habitual Christian leading up to that point. I wasn’t really familiar with the Bible. I went to church every Sunday, where I heard Scripture being read and analyzed. I never remembered any of the verses that were read at church, but I always remembered the song lyrics. So during my time of trouble, it was lyrics to songs that came to mind:

I waited, for the Lord on High,
I waited, and He heard my cry.
He pulled me out of my despair
He taught me how to walk
From fear into security
From quicksand to the Rock.

I remembered bits and pieces of songs I had heard as a child. And then, from somewhere…this verse from Philippians-- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…I don’t know if I read it, or heard it--but I just repeated this verse as I ran, 3 miles each day, pushing my toddler in a jogging stroller, through snow and ice.

Back to the present…15 years later. I hear this verse again as I am running. Christ has strengthened me. He has also comforted me, healed me, taught me, and guided me. At every point, He provided me with all I needed-- the right friends, a bit of a song, a book, a verse….until I felt His love, mercy and peace.

Morning Coffee

 
The first thing I think about as I get out of bed each morning is…COFFEE. I go through the motions of making my bed, brushing my teeth, noticing things that were left undone the day before…but my mind is locked-on to that first cup of coffee!

The other day, I laughed out loud when I read the following quote:

“Few people arise in the morning as hungry for God as they are for cornflakes or toast and eggs.” (Dallas Willard, Hearing God: Developing a Conversational Relationship with God)

Ain’t that the truth!

Like a lot of people, I’m not really particular about breakfast. I have to remind myself to eat something in the morning. I’m just not very hungry and there seems to be a lot of other things to do. Yet, I never forget my coffee. On special days, (also known as every other day), I even treat myself to an extra cup.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I craved God as I do coffee? I would probably still make my bed, brush my teeth, and notice the things I need to get done each day, but my mind would be locked on to God. Nothing would take precedence over that need.

If I need to talk to my husband or a friend early in the morning, I’ve learned to ask them, “Have you had your coffee yet?” I’m considerate enough to know, that like me, their brain cells won’t work properly without that morning jolt of caffeine. I rarely ask, “Have you had your time with God yet?” By now, I should be aware that everyone functions better with the clarity that God’s Spirit provides.

Everything we have to do can wait until we have had our fill of God.

“As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?” (Ps. 42:1-2 NLT)

More on Doubt

A friend recently wrote the following sentences in an email to me: “I want God to exist, but my mind keeps asking how it's possible. Unlike you, I haven't had an experience of the presence of God.”

I think we have all experienced the presence of God. For years, I too couldn’t recognize God. I would explain away every divine moment by rationalizing it as either my imagination, indigestion, or a hot flash! I still do this a lot, partly because I’m a bit embarrassed and want to fit in. As long as I express skepticism, I’m more likely to be considered an intellectual and not some religious freak.

I could recount many different incidents from my life and point out God’s handiwork. Immediately after each occurrence, I sense, at a gut level, that this is of God. Yet later, I analyze and scrutinize it until my conviction dissipates into a vague mist.

After 20 some years of being around my husband, I’ve learned to recognize his handwriting. If you showed me a sample of his writing, I could say with a high level of certainty that it was his. Now, if you asked me if I could be a 100% sure that it wasn’t forged by an expert, I would start doubting my initial assessment. In the same way, we can learn to recognize God’s handiwork, to a certain degree, the more time we spend with Him. Yet, if we try to analyze every case as if it were a geometric proof, naturally our belief would start wavering.

Doubt

I heard an intriguing phrase, while listening to a podcast by Greg Boyd: God of the Gap Theology. He mentioned that many religions have a habit of forming their ideas about God based on the gaps we have in our knowledge. We point to what we can’t understand as proof of God’s existence. The problem with this form of theology is that as soon as science comes up with an explanation, God seems irrelevant.

In our attempt to explain God, we diminish His glory. I really don’t think we have the vocabulary or intelligence to prove God’s existence. Everything I write about faith is just my meager understanding of a God that is intricate beyond my intellectual capacity.

I think it’s important to admit that we can never comprehend, never be certain of everything there is to know about God.

George Carey, Archbishop of Canterbury, said: “Do I doubt? Of course. Every thinking person doubts. The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.”
 
Frank Logue explains this quote further: “Doubts and uncertainties may be God’s spirit leading us beyond the lesser truths where we have stopped along the way to a fuller understanding of who God is and how God acts in our lives.”

I am grateful to all these great thinkers who have explored the nooks and crannies of the unexplainable God.

Comparisons

I jog/walk around my neighborhood. Occasionally I see other neighbors walking their dogs. I’ve been noticing that many people seem to walk faster than I jog. This pushes me to increase my speed.

One of my friends pointed out that I compare myself to others often. I’m not competitive, but I set my standards by what I see around me or by statistical averages. Here are some examples: one of my secret indulgences is looking up annual statistical reports on www.bls.gov. (I guess it’s not a secret anymore!) I also make a game out of comparing prices at Costco vs. Walmart. I actually type up lists of what is a good deal at which store. It bothers me that I’ve shrunk a half-inch, and now I’m shorter than the national average.

Most of this seems harmless. Yet this habit of setting my standards based on statistical averages or comparison to others will eventually lead to bitterness or discontentment. I’ve always thought of myself as someone who sets her own pace or marches to her own rhythm. However, now I see that my internal rhythm is synchronized to the external rhythms around me.

Lord, help me to be in sync with Your rhythm and pace. Help me to tune out everything that is not of You.

Spanx-Out

I think I invented a new word. I just submitted it to Urban Dictionary.

 Spanx-out (verb) when one loses consciousness due to prolonged restrictions or constrictions. (Derived from the light-headedness one feels when wearing Spanx)
Synonyms--pass out, faint, collapse, drop.

Examples:
-Girl, I’m about to spanx-out from this diet!
-I’ve been so busy lately. I’m going to spanx-out if I don’t have some fun soon.

For those of you who have never heard of Spanx, it is an undergarment that holds in any extra lumps of fat so as to give the wearer smooth curves. I’ve worn mine twice. Both times, I felt so uncomfortable that I thought I would surely faint. Basically they are modern-day corsets.

Why would we, as women, voluntarily inflict this torture on ourselves? Because we see other women who do it, and we crank up our expectations to unreasonable levels.

Recently, I’ve read several articles about moms who are addicted to Aderall--a stimulant prescribed for ADHD. Most of them claim they need it to accomplish all they have to do in a day. Some of them eventually turned into meth addicts.

I’m not saying that Spanx wearers will eventually turn into meth addicts! I’m merely suggesting that when we place undue pressure on ourselves, we are likely to faint. There has to be a sweet spot between debauchery and self-torture, between overindulgence and constriction.

I admire women who are comfortably authentic. They express who they are in their choices, rather than bow to some restrictive standard that reflects current social trends. These women have a healthy self-image, a fair amount of self-discipline, and a pleasant self-acceptance. They inspire me to do the same.

Talker's Remorse

You’ve all heard the term buyer’s remorse--when a person buys something and regrets his/her decision shortly after the purchase. Well, I routinely have talker’s remorse. I’ll be in a group, conversation will be flowing…then I get carried away and say things that I later regret. As one of my friends noted recently, even when I don’t know anything about a subject, I feel free to expound on my ignorance.

It’s similar to how I feel after eating junk food. I start off with a handful of chips, and before you know it I’ve eaten a whole bag. I’m more likely to do this when I’m either watching TV or with a group of women friends. Social eating and social talking are my weaknesses. You don’t even want to know what happens when I get together with my gal pals AND there is a bag of potato chips involved ;-) Yes, that’s right…I wake up the next morning with a social hangover! Instead of the ‘walk of shame’, I go through the ‘talk of shame’. I usually end up calling my friends and apologizing for saying whatever salt-induced thing came into my head!

Writing is better for me. I get to wait and consider my words before others are exposed to it. I also have learned to limit group sizes. I can control my speech better when I’m in a one-on-one conversation. I’ve also asked my close friends to take the chips away after they think I’ve had enough. These are the things I try to do but it isn’t enough. It’s like expecting an intoxicated person to have the judgment to know when it’s time to stop.
 
So…these days when the compulsion to talk excessively comes upon me, I follow the 12-step program. I admit that I don’t have control, and I rely on God to help me get out of this habit.

Feeding Your Spirit

“Prayer is the way that the life of God in us is nourished.” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

As soon as I read this, I had an image of God nursing the Spirit that is placed within me. We are used to viewing God in a paternal role. This analogy only works if we can also recognize God’s maternal nature. As we pray, we suckle at God’s breasts, while she holds us close in her arms. (I find it awkward to use the feminine pronoun in reference to God, but there is no other way to convey this image.)

What if we are unable to latch on, or lack the suckling instinct? The Spirit of God within us fails to thrive. Prayer feeds God’s Holy Spirit within us. It is a bonding experience between our soul and the Divine.

Consider the following verse from Isaiah:

He will say, “I have long been silent;
yes, I have restrained myself.
But now, like a woman in labor,
I will cry and groan and pant.” (Isaiah 42:14 NLT)

Many famous Christian authors have acknowledged that God may have a feminine side. They recognize that God is comforting, nurturing, nourishing, caring, sensitive, and gentle. These are generally seen as maternal attributes. I am not advocating that we start seeing God as a female. I just wonder if we might be limiting our understanding of God by dismissing parts of the Divine.

Here is an article from the BBC that delves into this subject. I don’t agree with all of it, but it is thought provoking.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/women/femininedivine_1.shtml

3 Hotdogs

I heard the following story during the sermon last Sunday:

Our church is part of the University of Iowa complex. Every year they give out free food during the first week of class. They fed 700 people during the past week, a different meal each day. On the last day, they served hotdogs. After everything was over, and the church staff and volunteers had finished cleaning up, they noticed a woman sitting alone in the church sanctuary. They decided to leave her alone, figuring she just needed some time to pray or meditate. After some time, she came out of the sanctuary and was just hanging out in the lobby, looking a bit uncertain on what to do next. Our pastor, Fr. Ed, decided to reach out to her and find out her story. This lady was visiting from out of town. Her 9-year-old son was in the hospital with serious health problems. He was having a tracheotomy. She just stumbled on the church and decided to come in, because she wasn’t sure what else to do with herself. Fr. Ed went down to the kitchen to see if there was any food left. There were 3 hotdogs and some chips. He heated them up in the microwave and brought them to the woman. She ate, she talked, they prayed, and she went back to the hospital. Fr. Ed’s lesson about the story was that you never know when and where the Holy Spirit alights. He felt like the last 3 hotdogs might have made a bigger impact than the first 700. I really liked this story.

Sometimes we measure our success in this world by numbers. If you are a business person, you may keep track of how many units were sold or how much profit you made. If you are in a service ministry, you may keep tabs on how many people you served, how much money you gave away, or how many hours you volunteered.

Yet, as this story shows, sometimes God works through us to reach out in small ways to one person. A listening ear, a comforting word, a supportive hand, a few prayerful moments, some leftover food…all can make an immeasurable impact.  

Is Ignorance the Only Path to Bliss?

Recently, I made a list of healthy meals at my favorite restaurants. I noticed that most of my regular choices, mostly salads, were deceptively unhealthy. Now that I am aware, I no longer enjoy eating out. I feel a bit like Eve, after she ate the forbidden apple and became conscious of the difference between good and evil. She could no longer enjoy Paradise. So does this mean, ignorance is the only path to bliss? If so, then does enlightenment always lead to misery?

Innocence is admirable, especially in the young. Yet being oblivious is inexcusable once you are grown-up. Most adults are somewhere in between awareness and ignorance, in a phase called denial. Except for me, of course, I deny that I’m in denial.

We live mostly in a transitional phase of semi-consciousness. We are vaguely aware of the transcendental God, as well as the transitory nature of our earthly concerns.

When you look at maps online, you have the option of zooming in or out. Similarly, the more we zoom in on God, the rest disappears from the screen. As we maximize God, everything else is minimized.

As we mature spiritually, we pass through phases of innocence, confusion, denial, awareness, more denial…until eventually everything else is diminished and God is magnified. This is true bliss.

Mom-Cave

My husband has a man-cave, a private space of his own. My teenage son has taken over the basement as his private retreat. I, on the other hand, have a desk and a chair in the living room. This is my choice. As long as everyone is asleep in the morning, I have time and space to myself. However, I’m available as soon as my family is awake.

Some mornings, I don’t have time to calibrate my soul to God. When I fail to center myself, I end up off-center for the rest of the day. I have this uneasy feeling that I’m walking around in a fog, tripping over obstacles, unaware of dangers.

I hear a whisper, “Retreat… Come back to me.”

I respond, “Later… I’ve got things to do now.”

I need a mom-cave, a private place of retreat. So far, I’ve managed to carve out time for prayer, reflection, and writing. Now I need to carve out a private space where I make myself available to God.