Conformity

Nonconformists have always been seen as dangerous rebels by many communities.

For the first few decades of my life, I lived immersed in a culture of uniformity. My family socialized with others who were very similar to us. Everyone emulated each other, aspired to the same priorities, and any deviation from the group’s thoughts was frowned upon. This poisonous conformity was passed on from generation to generation. Parents were held responsible for their children’s indoctrination, even after these children had grown into adults. Anyone who refused to go along was considered as ‘other’, a threat to ‘our’ way of life. Many of us are part of small, counter-culture groups and we see our group as different from the rest of the world. Yet, we still succumb to the pressure to conform to our particular clique.

 “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:2 NLT)

St. Teresa of Avila says that our need for the world’s esteem (and that of our friends and relatives) is like a poisonous snake. Its venomous bite keeps us occupied. And prevents us from entering our own soul where God is waiting.

“For in perfect conformity to God’s will lies all our good. Let us strive to do what lies in our power and guard ourselves against poisonous little reptiles.” (from The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila)

 
Obligatory and superficial relationships weaken and distract us from God. They keep us preoccupied with worldly transactions, societal values, and fitting into the expectations of others. Eventually we are molded by our environment into zombie-like clones of each other. On the other hand, healthy social relationships press us forward into conformity with God. We can’t fit two molds at once. Either we are molded by the world, or we are conformed to Christ.

Passivity

I’m usually compulsive about being productive. However, for the past few weeks, I’ve been dragging. A combination of anxiety, melancholy, lack of sleep, and lack of appetite have led to a general feeling of passivity. I couldn’t motivate myself to write much last week. The two blog posts I did write were written in states of semi-consciousness. They had a numinous quality to them that I rather liked. I wondered if I should stop writing daily and wait passively until God had something to say through me. So I came to my laptop intending to write on the benefits of being passive and completely surrendered before God. I waited. Nothing came to me. After a while, I got up and did some housework. Sometimes this helps, but this time it didn’t. So I went online and typed in the phrase, ‘passivity and God’, and happened upon this article by Watchman Nee, titled “Passivity and its Dangers.”  Here is an excerpt:

The passivity of a saint arises out of the non-use of his various talents. He has a mouth but refuses to talk because he hopes the Holy Spirit will speak through it. He has hands but will not engage them since he expects God to do it. He does not exercise any part of his person but waits for God to move him. He considers himself fully surrendered to God; so he no longer will use any element of his being. Thus he falls into an inertia which opens the way for deception and invasion… He does not realize that God never demands passivity; it is the powers of darkness which have propelled him into this state…Let the Christian mark this well that once he has perceived the will of God in his spirit’s intuition his whole being needs to be employed actively in executing God’s will. He should not be passive. (Watchman Nee) http://www3.telus.net/trbrooks/passivitydangers.htm

This hit me in the face like a bucket of ice-cold water! This was exactly the opposite of what I intended to write about.

God wants us to co-operate with Him. He doesn’t want passive puppets, but active employees. Passivity turns us into inert, ineffective Christians.

How come all the people you see running outside are the ones that least need exercise, while the people who need exercise the most are not out there? Once you get out of shape, it becomes really difficult to move. The less you move, the more weight you gain. Passivity disables you further and further until you are not able to be active even if you want to.

 
How can we resist the temptation to slide into passivity? How can we remain alert enough to co-operate with God?

God Waves Back

Every day, as I run around my neighborhood, I wave as I pass by my friend’s house. I’m never sure if she will be at one of her windows, looking out at the precise time that I happen to be running by. Yet, I wave on the off chance that she is. I can never see into her house so I don’t know if she is waving back. Some days I’m so tired that I wave out of habit, without even turning my head in the direction of her house. 

Sometimes prayer feels like I’m waving at God. I’m not sure if He is paying attention. Yet I pray out of habit in the off chance He’s listening. I can’t tell if He is waving back. I mentioned this to a good friend and here was her answer:

Don't take God for granted...you said you look for God to "wave back" at you. Did your teenage son arrive home safely yesterday from school? Did your husband get home also? Do you have a house that you are able to keep the utilities on, in? Are you able to sit in your jammies past 6:30 in the morning if your heart desires? Look out your window to the east...is the sun rising? HE is holding us all in His hand. It is not God who is distant; it is our short-sightedness. He's waving at every one of us, my faith guarantees it. (SW)

“Those who fear (revere) God gets God’s attention; they can depend on his strength.” (Ps. 147:11 MSG)

When we put our confidence in human knowledge or strength…when we depend on anything other than God, we are being disrespectful to HIM. So today let us count on God and nothing but God.

Is God Dependable?

I rarely doubt the existence or ability of God. I occasionally wonder if He is dependable. The word dependable has two parts: Depend + Able. I’ve already said I’m sure that He is more than able, so that part is taken care of. However, depending on God is up to me; that is my part. God cannot show me how dependable He is until I’m willing to admit I’m helpless and give up my independence.

“Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we’ll never comprehend what he knows and does. God puts the fallen on their feet again.” (Ps. 147:5-6 MSG)

God’s strength is limitless, and He always pulls us up when we fall. It’s impossible to understand God’s timing. Sometimes He makes us wait for what seems like ever; or are we making HIM wait for us?

I’m sure most of you have heard of the Life-Alert pendants. They are medical emergency devices that are attached to a necklace for elderly folks. If an elderly person falls and can’t get up to reach the phone, they can press this pendant, and it activates an automatic dialer that calls for help. I’ve noticed that many elderly people who might benefit from this service are reluctant to use it. They explain that they are not quite that old or disabled yet. Even though the pendant can be worn discreetly and no one else would know they have it on, many elderly folks are not willing to admit, even to themselves, that they are that helpless. Most people would rather die than be completely dependent on someone else.

I wonder how often God waits for us to admit our dependence on Him. When we fall and can’t get up, He is standing right there extending His arms to pull us up. Yet we keep rolling around in the dirt, trying to get up by ourselves. We keep insisting that we are not that decrepit. We ask for help, but we want it on our terms. We are not willing to give up our independence, our dignity, our illusion of self-sufficiency.

Visible Boundaries

When we got our dog, we thought about getting an invisible electric fence. They are much cheaper to install and more aesthetically pleasing than a real physical barrier. The dog would wear an electric collar, and when she crossed the boundary, she would get shocked. Eventually a dog learns not to cross beyond certain parts of the yard. Many of our neighbors who own dogs have electric fences or no fences at all. We were tempted to just follow their example, but the person who gave us our puppy told us something wise: You might be able to train your dog to stay in your yard with an electric fence, but you can’t keep other dogs from coming into your yard and bothering your dog. So we installed a 6-foot fence before we even brought the puppy home.

Visible boundaries are much easier to enforce than invisible ones. It’s important to let others know where we stand on certain principles, priorities, and trigger issues. Verbalizing these parameters early on in a relationship might be costly, and it makes us appear unapproachable, inflexible, and selfish. However, it helps reduce hurt feelings later on in the relationship. For example, most of my friends know my sensitive spots, because I let people know what I can tolerate and how far I’m willing to bend my principles to accommodate someone else’s wishes. Unfortunately, the subsequent strain has dissolved many relationships and has gained me a reputation as a stubborn person among my extended family.
 

I know several people who absolutely hate the concept of boundaries. They feel it is unloving and unchristian. If my neighbor never told me that it bothered her that my dog poops in her yard, is that really love? Her hesitancy to tell me the truth would eventually strain our relationship. Not to mention, the whole neighborhood would be a mess! It’s important to reflect on what bothers you and let others know where the lines are. Don’t expect people to read your mind or intuitively know your preferences. At the same time, accept that we have very little control over things that are beyond our boundaries. We might live close to others who make choices that are disturbing our peace. We have to be open about our feelings, but we don’t have jurisdiction over their lives.
 

(Disclaimer: I’ve read Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend and some of these ideas may have been influenced by this book)

Maintaining Boundaries

In our neighborhood, most of the homes are on one acre plots. Most of the neighbors don’t have fences around their property, because it is too costly. There are fence posts at the back corners that demarcate the end of property lines. Most of us are careful about respecting each other’s boundaries even though they are invisible. The neighborhood dogs occasionally trespass across other yards and make messes, but they are animals and don’t know any better.

It is important to have healthy boundaries in our physical and spiritual lives. For example, we have to set limits for ourselves on how much we eat, how much we spend, the people we hang out with, the environment we stay in, and how we use our time, talent, and energy. The animal side of us may chafe at these limitations, but our spiritual side knows better. We also have to set boundaries for others on how far they can impose their will on us. However, it is inevitable that some people will trespass against our boundaries. We must forgive them, but we must still let them know where our personal boundaries are.

Creating boundary lines is, in itself, difficult. Yet maintaining and enforcing them are even harder. Confronting a loved one who has crossed into unhealthy territory is very uncomfortable. It’s almost easier to just ignore it and accept it. We shrug our shoulders and say to ourselves, “They just don’t know better; I’ll just have to learn to live with it.” It takes so much energy to enforce limits. Plus, it makes us feel selfish and causes us to question our love.

When we fail to enforce boundaries, it creates confusion and disorder in our world. Mayhem and turmoil are a breeding ground for evil. Nothing good ever comes of it. Thus, enforcing boundaries is an essential technique in the fight between good and evil.  

Conflict of Interest

I wonder if one can be half-committed to something. Most of us like to keep our options open. We are rarely fully engaged in any endeavor. What we call over-commitment, is usually just half-hearted pursuits of too many interests.

“Commitment means making a choice to give up other choices. You cannot make a commitment without deciding to cut off other options that compete against what is most important.” (Scott Stanley)

This means you couldn’t be committed to too many things at once, especially if they compete for your attention. I can be fully committed to my family or my job, but maybe not both at the same time. If I’m fully committed to God, is it possible to commit to anything else? That depends on if there are any conflicts of interest.

I record many shows on my DVR. Occasionally I try to record too many TV shows at once and I get the following message: “There are multiple conflicts with this timer.” Then I’m given the option of selecting, “Automatically resolve by priority” or “Change the priority of this timer.” I wish it were that easy to resolve conflicting interests that I face in the rest of my life.

Jesus healed on the Sabbath even though it was against the Jewish law. Why? He was more committed to God’s purpose than anything else. He automatically resolved the conflict by prioritizing what was most important. He was willing to suffer the ramifications of his choice. Similarly, we might have to choose between doing what is good in God’s eyes versus doing what society approves of. Our commitment to God will and should cut-off other competing options.

The Work of God

Our lives are filled with housework, schoolwork, busywork, paid-work, volunteer work, scut-work, paperwork…there is hardly any time left for God’s work. What if everything we did was God’s work? What if we were God’s employees 24/7? Every move we make would have to be under His direction. We would always be about HIS business.

I imagine it would be similar to working on a Navy submarine.

“At sea, the typical submarine day is 18 hours long, not 24 hours. Submarine crews are divided into three watch sections. Each section is on duty (on watch) for 6 hours, and then spends 12 hours off watch. When on watch, the crew members are actively operating their assigned equipment. Under special conditions, such as battle stations and when entering or leaving port, everyone has a watch station. Crew members who are off-watch eat, attend training sessions and study, both for advancement examinations, and in order to become qualified to stand other watch-stations. Others may perform routine preventive maintenance on the equipment that they are responsible for.” (http://usmilitary.about.com)

 

Wonder what would happen if a few sailors on a submarine decided to do their own thing, on their own schedule? Chaos and disorder would disrupt the mission.

The Bible explains what happens when we slack off when we should be on watch:

“Then he (Jesus) returned and found the disciples asleep. He said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Mark 14:37-38 NLT)

Christians are called to be constantly on-watch. We may take turns at each station while the others rest, but even during our off-time we must be alert and ready. Our purpose for being here is clear. We know for whom we work. Our motto should be Non sibi sed Deus—Not for self, but for God.

Belated Epiphanies

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in church on Epiphany Sunday. The church was decorated with a big star, and all the hymns were about how a star led the wise men to Jesus. The word epiphany means sudden revelation or insight. I guess the Magi had an ‘Aha’ moment as they recognized Christ? It all seemed a bit muddled to me. I had plenty of other pressing things to think about, so I dropped it for the time being.

Today, I started thinking about it again. I thought about the symbolism of the star, how its purpose was not merely to shine, but also to point the way to Jesus. I think we all want to be bright shining stars, yet we forget that our purpose is to call attention to something besides ourselves. We are meant to be spotlights for Christ.

I also wondered why these wise men couldn’t find Jesus by themselves? After all, they were known for their wisdom! They had pre-conceived ideas on how God would show up. However, God manifested Himself in an unexpected way—vulnerable, powerless and poor. Sometimes it’s difficult for even the wisest, worldliest people to recognize God’s revelations.

“God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.” (1 Cor. 1:27 NLT)

Often simple folks are given insights that the intellectuals are not given. Perhaps this is because the intellectuals are prone to questioning everything, even truths that are beyond their understanding.

Even though it took a few weeks for it to make it through my thick head, here are two belated epiphanies: We are meant to shine brightly, pointing others to God. Our pre-conceived notions about God can sometimes become a hindrance to recognizing His presence.

Confession

Since I’ve been thinking about spiritual disciplines lately, I feel compelled to examine the practice of confession. I was raised in the Catholic Church, and I used to go to confession regularly. I must confess that I never got much out of it! So eventually, I stopped the practice of going and reciting the same five sins to a priest. Every so often, I examine my conscience and ask God to forgive and cleanse me. This has felt satisfactory till now.

Every year around this time, we get a thick envelope from our accountant. It’s full of paperwork that we have to fill out for our taxes. It requires me to dig up all of last year’s receipts and forms. I always wonder why I need an accountant when I have to do most of the work before I even get to his office! I guess we use an accountant to make sure it’s done right, hoping he will catch our inadvertent omissions. A formal confession with a priest is a lot like meeting your accountant after you’ve dug up all the information. It prompts you to do what needs to be done. It keeps you accountable. 

Recently, I’ve had the urge to go do a real confession, or as we Catholics call it now, a Sacrament of Reconciliation.

 “As a sacrament of healing, Reconciliation addresses the disease (sinfulness) rather than the symptoms (sins). So, the sacrament calls us to more than prepared speeches or lists of sins. We are challenged to search deep into our heart of hearts to discover the struggles, value conflicts, and ambiguities (the disease) which cause the sinful acts (the symptoms) to appear.” (www.americancatholic.org)

Confession is only one part of healing. Repentance, transformation, and rededication are also just as important in the process. Once we acknowledge what has caused us to get off track, we turn back and get on the right path. As we walk with Jesus, we are transformed and reconsecrated.

Fasting

“Jesus prepared for the Test by fasting forty days and forty nights.” (Matt. 4:1-3 MSG)

Jesus practiced fasting. So this must be a valuable spiritual discipline. I’ve read that Jews have a tradition of fasting before certain holidays. Similarly, some Catholics use the forty days of Lent to focus on abstaining from habitual comforts.  I have many friends from all walks of faith who fast regularly. I admire these folks because I’ve never been very good at fasting. It tends to make me grumpy. Plus, it feels a lot like dieting, which makes me focus on my weight instead of on God!

I used to not be able to run. I would get an ache in my side after about two minutes of running and then hate that feeling, and I would decide that running was just not meant for me. Eventually someone said that I should start slowly and build up my stamina over time. I still run slowly, but I can endure for miles now. So, I decided to try the same method with fasting. I’ve tried just having bread and water for a day. This is manageable, and it doesn’t feel like dieting. I’m always a bit hungry but not about to pass out. It helps me focus on God rather than on my own satisfaction.

I’ve also tried abstaining from the internet and other technology from sunrise to sunset. I got this idea from how the Muslim’s fast during Ramadan. I was surprised at how difficult this was for me. I would like to try refraining from speech for a period of time. I have a feeling that one will be the most difficult one yet.

I recently read Lynn Baab’s book on Fasting. I’m paraphrasing some of her ideas below.

Fasting allows you the freedom and space to draw near to God. It’s not about self-punishment. It shouldn’t be an attempt to manipulate God into doing what we want because of our great sacrifice. It’s not about what you give up as much as what you replace it with.

I found the last point very convicting. Often I give up a habit and then fill that empty space with something other than God. I have a compulsion to be productive. Busyness anesthetizes me from feelings that I’d rather not deal with. It creates enough of a background noise that it prevents me from hearing God.

When determining what to abstain from, think about what gets in the way of your intimacy with God. What are the things you depend on to fill the void that is meant to be filled with God?

Fasting, whether it is from food, technology, alcohol, entertainment, or any other distractions, can de-clutter and clarify one’s priorities. Even temporary abstinence allows us to objectively reassess what is important in our lives. Most of all, it enables us to focus our attention on God and draw on His Strength.

Prayer Breaks

“Pray Continually” (1 Thess. 5:17 NIV)

“Seven times each day, I stop and shout praises for the way you keep everything running right.” (Ps. 119:164 MSG)

Ancient cultures made a practice of praying several times a day. Even to this day, many Muslims stop what they are doing and pause for prayer, five times a day. In the Middle Ages, Catholic monasteries and convents prayed at set times all throughout the day. The Divine Office (also called the Liturgy of the Hours) starts with morning prayer time (Prime), the three daytime prayer breaks (Terce, Sext, and None), Vespers in the evening and Compline at night. I’m sure lots of people would see prescribed prayer times as an interruption to productivity. Yet, if it were completely done by one’s own choice, I imagine it could be a beautiful daily practice.

I have customized this practice to fit my daily routine. I have my daily morning quiet time—scripture reading, prayer, writing, listening, singing along to praise songs, and reading other inspirational literature. Once I get started on my day, it’s difficult to stop and make time to focus on God, so I’ve had to change the way I think. My daily purpose, my job, my work is to be devoted to God. So prayer is never a distraction from productivity. It’s the desire to be productive apart from God that is the problem. Now, I try to incorporate my day into my prayer life, rather than the other way around. I still don’t have set times other than in the morning, but I take prayer breaks. I just stop whatever I’m doing, go into my room, shut the door, and pray. After meals are a great time to have a cup of tea and rest in God’s presence. The Psalms are a wonderful resource for lyrical praise. Surprisingly, so is Youtube! I’ve made a playlist of praise songs that I listen to frequently. I’m still working out the kinks in my prayer routine, but with God’s help, I hope one day to be “praying continually.”

Waiting

The other night, I was watching a TV show in which a kid suffered a head injury. The family members who were with him immediately called 911. While they were waiting for the ambulance to arrive, they were unsure of what to do. One said, “We shouldn’t move him; we could injure him further. Another said, “We can’t just stand here and do nothing! We should just put him in our car and take him to the hospital.” Luckily, the paramedics arrived just then, put a neck brace on the kid, and transported him safely to the hospital. If his family members had moved him improperly, he could have been paralyzed.

I often call on God for help when someone is injured, but I have trouble waiting patiently. I feel the urge to do something. I feel useless and helpless while I stand around watching others suffer. I’m tempted to take matters into my own hands and do and say things that could make the situation worse. I have to pause, pray, and breathe. My agitation shows a lack of confidence in God’s timing. Only God has the skill and knowledge to take care of such situations properly. My role is to call on God for help and wait by the side of the injured person until help arrives.

“But God’s not finished. He’s waiting around to be gracious to you. He’s gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right—everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.” (Isaiah. 30:18 MSG)

Dream

I suffer from insomnia. I have no problem falling asleep, but I wake up in the middle of the night and then can’t get back to sleep. I usually lie awake praying. Yet my prayers are agitated, like wind-whipped waves. Occasionally, I doze off for what seems like a few minutes. The other night, I had a memorable dream during one of these early morning vigils. I saw the most beautiful beach as I looked past an old-fashioned house on the periphery of my vision. The beach was empty of people. The waves were supernaturally beautiful. I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. I was mesmerized by the way they glistened and danced in the light. I barely noticed the house in the foreground. I was filled with peace. When I awoke, I immediately tried to reconstruct the image before I forgot it. I tried to draw it, but I couldn’t. I tried to describe it with words, but fell short. I went on Google images and found two images and tried to combine it into one with my limited photo-editing software. Here is the inferior version that I came up with:

I have no idea why this dream made such an impression on me. I prayed for peace, and I received it for a few minutes through this dream. But there seemed to be something more…What was the significance of the house on the edge of my vision? Why a beach? I’ve never been one to find beaches and waves all that fascinating. I find mountains, woods, and trees much more inspiring.

I described my dream to a few people, thinking maybe it had a message for one of them. My husband said, “Sounds like my dream house.” (He really likes beaches.) I responded, “I’m sure it wasn’t about the house. The house was just in the periphery. It was inconsequential.”

I wonder if the house in the foreground represents our earthly life, our bodies, our daily concerns. Unlike the dream, my conscious thoughts are overtaken by worldly cares. The only waves I glimpse in the background are muddy, churning waves of anxiety. If only I could minimize this temporal dwelling, and fill my vision with the eternal waves of God’s love. If only I could look beyond this life and sense the divine peace and overwhelming joy that awaits…

Waiting for Dawn

It’s dark outside, and I’m waiting for dawn. I’m in my living room, reading and thinking, by the light of my little lamp. As I sit by my east-facing window, all I can see is my own pathetic reflection in the window pane--a distorted image with bed-head, still wearing pajamas. As the light appears slowly, my reflection gets fainter. I can see beyond myself. The sun has not risen yet, but the eastern sky foreshadows its arrival. I see the silhouette of trees, a rabbit scurrying across the backyard, and the outline of clouds. As I wait for the sun to appear, I realize I’ve forgotten about my image in the window. I look for it again, but it is gone.

Before God’s light appears, all we can see is our own reflection. We focus on this imperfect image of ourselves and our living space, illuminated only by our own light. Yet, even the faintest pre-dawn light is enough to help us see beyond the windows enclosing ourselves. As we are mesmerized by all that God’s light reveals, we no longer focus on our pathetic lives.  

“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” (1 Cor. 13:12 NLT)

Good, Better, Best

Here are two contrasting quotes:

“Good is the enemy of the great.” (Jim Collins)

“The perfect is the enemy of the good.” (Voltaire)

These quotes sound similar; in fact, they are often used interchangeably. However, they don’t mean the same thing.

Good is the enemy of the great. Often we settle for ‘good enough’. Sure we could do better, but we are too comfortable, complacent, and apathetic to make further effort. We accept our current condition. It’s not bad; so it must be good. It could definitely be worse. In fact, we know several people who are in much worse condition, so accepting what is good enough prevents us from pursuing greatness. 

The perfect is the enemy of the good. Seeking perfection often leads to discontentment. In our constant striving for advancement, we keep looking to those who are a few steps higher than we are. Once we reach a goal, we are already making plans for the next higher step. Perfectionists are never satisfied with themselves. Extremism and obsessiveness corrode peace.

There are a few areas in which I settle for good enough. There are other times that I strive for perfection. Yet, somewhere in between the two would be ideal.

Good, better, best. Cleaning my house once a month would be good. (It’s better than nothing.) Cleaning once a week would be better. Cleaning every day would be the best, but it would take time from other fruitful tasks. Walking a mile a day would be good. (It’s better than sitting all day). Running 2 miles a day would be better. Running a marathon would be great. (But then I would look at the ultra-marathoners and feel like I’m a slacker.) Texting a friend would be good. Writing a personal email would be better. Calling or going over for a visit would be best. (But it might also be intrusive.)

In my pursuit of growth, I don’t want to trespass boundaries or infringe on the rights of others. My goal is to be better tomorrow than I am today, but not to the point of losing peace or balance.

Rock Climbing

I’ve never tried rock climbing. It’s on my fantasy list--things I dream of doing, but in which I’m not really willing to invest time or energy. I have very little upper body strength, so I’ve resigned myself to just looking at pictures of rock climbers and reading up on climbing techniques. One of the things about rock climbing that I find fascinating is the technique of belaying.

Belaying is a climbing technique in which a person stands below the climber and holds on to a rope that is attached to a pulley, which then attaches to the climber. The belayer prevents the climber from falling too far. This person provides a counter weight, so that if the climber slips, he only slides down as far as the protective pulley. The belayer applies friction when the climber is resting and provides slack in the rope as the climber is ascending. The belayer never pushes the climber, but provides support from below. The belayer stands on solid ground, while the climber is barely hanging on to the side of a cliff. The one that is climbing needs time to plan where to place his hands and feet. As he searches for a crevice, a ledge, or a nook, the belayer must be patient. The belayer must always be alert, paying attention to the climber’s every move. Once the climber has reached his goal, he often switches roles and belays for his partner.

The imagery of this partnership between climber and belayer is riveting. Those of us who are parents support our children while they ascend to new heights. Yet, we sometimes overstep our role and try to push them. Our role is to prevent them from falling too far and injuring themselves. We must be grounded, alert, and know when to cut them some slack and when to provide resistance.

 

We might also have occasion to belay our spouses, our siblings, our relatives, or our friends. Be encouraging, dependable, grounded, and supportive, but don’t be pushy. Allow them time for rest, orientation, and falling. Provide them with a secure anchor while they scale rocky precipices. And remember, it’ll be your turn to climb soon.  

Battle Training

I usually don’t pay much attention to Bible verses about war and fighting. I’m a pacifist, so it is difficult to relate to battle stories. Yet, the following verse resonated with me.

“He trains my hands for war and gives my fingers skill for battle.” (Ps.144:1 NLT)

It reminded me of Obi-Wan Kenobi, a character from the Star Wars movies. He is a Jedi master who trains others in battle techniques and then fights alongside them when needed.

My battles are fought mostly in my mind. I struggle with fear, anxiety, distraction, vulnerability, impatience, indecisiveness, and lethargy. I have a Personal Trainer, a Master Warrior, who shows me how to grapple with these weaknesses. I just have to listen and obey. Not only does He train me in combat techniques, He also fights alongside me in every battle.

However, my personal battles are just a small part of a bigger war. Resisting the evil within me builds strength. Conquering my weaknesses hones my skills. I’m being trained to fight the Enemy alongside the King.

Pre-coffee Musings

This morning, as I was waiting for my coffee to finish brewing, I had this incoherent thought:

I want to serve the Lord—not-‘in whatever way I can’—BUT in whatever way HE WANTS.

 

After the coffee was made, I sat thinking about this.

Before I became a mom, I was ill-equipped for this role. I was an impatient, self-centered, ambitious, aspiring materialist. What if I decided to be the best mom I could be? Yeah, that probably wouldn’t have worked out too well. My natural tendencies would have limited me severely.  Instead, much to everyone’s utter surprise, God equipped me with motherly instincts and traits that I didn’t previously have in me.

This reminded me of the time we went white-water rafting. I was reluctant to try this new adventure because I had no skills or experience in this area. Plus we had my parents with us, and my mom didn’t even know how to swim. When we got to the starting place, the tour company provided us with the raft, the oars, wet suits, and a guide who actually did most of the rowing. Mostly we just had to hang on.

In the same way, we don’t have to limit ourselves to serving the Lord in whatever way we can. What we can or cannot do, our abilities or lack of them, are of no account to God. He will provide the equipment for whatever adventure He has planned for us.

Snow Running

I used to be afraid of the cold and ice. For the last decade, I’ve relegated myself to staying indoors for months every year. I’m still nervous about driving in winter since I’m putting others at risk, as well as myself. Lately, I’ve been venturing outside to run in the snow. I figure I can’t hurt anyone else, and whatever injury I sustain probably won’t be fatal! We don’t have any sidewalks in our neighborhood, and our gravel roads are rarely clear in the winter. So I’ve learned a few lessons while running in the snow:

-Fresh snow is safer, so run on the edge of the road. Driveways and other paths that are frequently used are more slippery because of packed snow.

-Don’t get distracted. Keep your wits about you at all times. Look directly in front of you as you place your next step. At the same time, look far ahead and search for an ice-free path.
-Stretch before you start. Take small steps. Speed is not a priority, but remaining upright is. Sometimes you have to go sideways to avoid ice.
-Dress in layers--but just enough to keep you warm without weighing you down. Dress for the wind chill temperature instead of the actual measurable temperature. Cover your head, especially your mouth and nose. It warms the air you breathe. Wear goggles--it keeps your eyes from watering. Wear gloves.
-Don’t take the dog. It’s hard to predict what she is going to do.
-Take your phone. In case you fall, you need to call out for help.
-Don’t look frumpy. Others are watching you through their windows. You are more likely to motivate and inspire others if you run in style!
-The colder it is, the stronger you feel after you are finished.

Snow running is teaching me how to face challenges. I’m learning not to take predictable, over-used paths. I focus on my next step while taking quick glances ahead at my future route. I stretch myself and try to remain flexible. I try not to make any sudden moves. I accept that sometimes I have to move sideways instead of forward. I don’t weigh myself down by creating unnecessary barriers. However, I don’t leave any part of myself exposed to the elements. It’s just as important to pay attention to my feelings as it is to the actual conditions. I need filters for my mouth as well as for my mind--for my intake and my outflow. It’s much easier to deal with harsh conditions when I don’t have others to worry about. I have no control over the choices of others. I need to call for help when I fall. Others are watching how I face these challenges, so I need to be a good example. And finally, I’ve learned that with God’s help, I can overcome even the harshest conditions and find strength in the process.

Going Through the Motions

I enjoy running outside. Yet once it gets cold and snowy, I resign myself to jogging in place on the treadmill indoors. Even though I have the TV to distract me, I’m never really excited when on the treadmill. It’s like the difference between playing real tennis vs. ‘Wii Tennis’ on a video game console, or playing a real guitar vs. playing ‘Guitar Hero’. So why do we prefer these simulations to reality? Running outside in the snow is uncomfortably cold, and there is always risk of injury. Playing video game versions of tennis or guitar takes a lot less time and energy.

We routinely just go through the motions instead of being fully engaged in our faith, marriages, parenting, or work. When we settle for a simulated life, we lose passion for what we are doing. It is true that the less we care, the less of ourselves we invest, the less likely we are to get hurt. However, we were created for much more than this mindless, distracted, passionless living.

This winter, I’ve been running in the snow. It has been exhilarating! I feel refreshed as I breathe in the fresh cold air. My eyes water as the wind stings my face. Yet, I know it is temporary. I look forward to suiting up and facing the winter, because it makes me realize how strong I can be when necessary.

Reality is not risk-free. It is often painful. It is tempting to disengage when faced with harsh conditions, to withdraw, to pretend that everything is ok. Yet, I would rather take risks and face the harshness of reality than merely go through the motions of a simulated life.

Picky Sheep

Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.” (John 21:17 NLT)

What if the sheep don’t like what you’re offering? What if they are picky eaters? What if they would rather find fulfillment on their own?

 “The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength. (Ps. 23:1-3 NLT)

It is hard to convince others to leave the herd and join you in following the Shepherd. I’ve seen glimpses of the green meadows and peaceful streams. I try to describe it, persuade others. Often, I end up discouraged and join the herd myself as they wander in distant pastures, away from the Shepherd.

“Jesus said, ‘Don’t bicker among yourselves over me. You’re not in charge here. The Father who sent me is in charge. He draws people to me—that’s the only way you’ll ever come. Only then do I do my work, putting people together, setting them on their feet.” (John 6:43-46 MSG)

No matter how persuasive we are, we can’t bring anyone into the presence of God. Divine intervention combined with a surrendering of our will--lead to Faith. 

Faith, when marinated in study, over a period of time, can lead to an appreciation of God.

Desperate Prayers

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out…
(lyrics by Casting Crowns)

When we cry out in desperation, I believe that God hears us. I just don’t know why He takes so long to come and take care of things. Maybe He’s already working out the solution, but it’s a long term project.

If our house is leaking, we always hope for a quick and easy fix. But if a contractor says it’s going to be a long, disruptive, costly project, our heart sinks. We might call a different contractor hoping for a solution that seems better to us. Or we might come up with a short-term solution like putting a bucket under the leak and adjusting to living that way.

Some problems cannot be fixed quickly and painlessly. If our prayers are not immediately answered, we might decide to place our hope in something other than God. We might go to our family or friends. We might decide we need some form of distraction. Or we may rely on experts who have solved similar problems for others. In our desperation, it is easy to misplace our faith.

There is only one permanent solution.  Allow the Holy Spirit to take over.

We have to admit that we are powerless, that every solution we come up with on our own is just a short-term fix. We have to allow God to take over our minds, our bodies, our words, our situation, and everyone else that is involved in the crisis. Then we wait. We rest. We listen for instructions. Sometimes there are no instructions, because the situation has to be completely taken care of by God. So we wait.

“Waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.” (Romans 8:22-28 MSG)

Tipping Point

I read the following quote on Facebook:

“Give but don’t allow yourself to be Used.

Love but don’t allow your heart to be Abused.
Trust but don’t be Naïve,
Listen to others but don’t lose your own Voice.” (Author Unknown)

Something about this quote disturbed me. I realized that this was contrary to what Jesus said:

“If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back.” (Luke 6:29-30 NLT)

Jesus advocates sacrificial love. Yet, at what point do we draw the line? Should there be boundaries?

We should give of ourselves to the extent that it is beneficial to others or ourselves. The tipping point is when, in our attempt to be loving and generous, we start causing damage. For example, we love our children sacrificially and give freely. Yet after a certain point, we end up enabling them to be helpless. This is damaging. We may love our spouse and do everything we can to make their life pleasant. However, our good intentions may limit their potential for growth.

 

Give, Love, Trust, and Listen, but stay within constructive boundaries. If turning the other cheek, relinquishing your rights, or giving away your wealth is productive to someone’s growth, then do so without reservation. Yet, stop before you cause damage.

Coconut Tree Climber

When I read the following, I immediately recognized the truth in it:

“Try to state to yourself what you believe to be the absolute truth of God, and you will be allowing God the opportunity to pass it on through you to someone else…The author or speaker from whom you learn the most is not the one who teaches you something you didn’t know before, but the one who helps you take a truth with which you have quietly struggled, give it expression, and speak it clearly and boldly.” (My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers)

Authors like Oswald Chambers, C.S. Lewis, Dallas Willard, Philip Yancey, Philip Gulley, and Henry David Thoreau are just a few of the great thinkers who have re-expressed the truth in a digestible form so that people like me have access to it. I, in turn, struggle to restate these truths, until they make sense to me.

I can identify with those coconut tree climbers who scoot up the trunk and cut down the coconuts. Even after the coconuts are in front of them, many people don’t know how to access the edible portions of this exotic nut. They usually wait for these experts to skillfully cut off the husk with their machetes, crack the shell, and reveal the nourishing parts of the coconut.

I mostly write to clarify my own thoughts. Most of my time is spent wrestling, struggling, processing, analyzing, and hacking away at truths until I understand them. Then I write. I pray that God uses me like a machete to cut through the tough husk and reveal His truth.   

Safety Net

Many details can fall through the cracks created by daily stress. Sometimes, I drop the ball. I get distracted, flustered, tired, and forget to do something important. I’m blessed to have picker-uppers in my life. Most days, it’s my husband who fills this role. He always reminds me to take my vitamins, drives whenever we are together, and tucks my cell phone into my purse when he sees it lying around the house. I also have friends who remind me to pick up my shopping bags, tell me when I’m wearing unbecoming clothes, and point out when I’m obsessing over things. 

Have you ever watched an acrobat at a circus? It’s exciting to watch their daring leaps and flips. As they fly through the air, the spotlight shines on them. Unless they fall, we never notice the safety net below them, because it is kept in the dark. Similarly, it is easy take the person who provides us with a safety net for granted. The world focuses on the daring feats we accomplish. The safety net that allows us to confidently make leaps and take risks is often overlooked.

I’m grateful to have a person in my life that I can count on to be my picker-upper and safety net. He’s got my back. He picks up the pieces that I accidentally drop. When I slip up, he cushions my fall. I’m also blessed with good friends who watch out for me. They fill in when I’m tired; they pay attention when I’m distracted; they stay calm when I’m flustered. God has meshed several individuals together, and He works through them to provide me with a safety net.

New Year's Resolutions

Every year, I make several resolutions to improve myself. Unfortunately, most of these fall by the wayside in a few months. Yet I can’t give up on this annual tradition.

A new year is like starting a new book. It may be true that you don’t finish reading every book you start. But for every ten books you start, you may finish one. So I make several resolutions in the hope that I may accomplish at least one. Plus, even a few months of good behavior can prevent me from further degeneration.

If it weren’t for my annual fitness goals, I would easily slide backwards into a state of indulgent lethargy. If I didn’t make plans for intellectual pursuits, I’d spend even more time wallowing in the muck of the internet. If I didn’t make a decision to be disciplined, I would waste even more time wandering in a zombie-like trance. For every one step forward, I may take two steps back. But if I gave up on the forward steps, imagine how much further behind I’d be.

So I sit down to make my New Year’s list. It will be similar to all the other years. I resolve to reform, get up, move forward, grow, and love.