Releasing an Emerging Adult

No matter how old our kids are, we will always be their parents. However, as our children become adults, we have to cut back on the intensity of our parenting. A newborn requires 100% intensity, while a school-age kid needs maybe 75%, and a college student might desire only 50% parental involvement. By the time our adult children are married and have their own kids, hopefully they are weaned completely from needing hands-on care. At some point, parents have to let go and allow their emerging adult children to find their own way.

In some cultures, parents and adult children are encouraged to be dependent on each other. In these instances, the goal is not to train up young adults to be independent, but to stay involved and entrenched—creating codependency. In their attempt to remain relevant and important, some parents inadvertently make their adult progeny feel juvenile, incapable, and immature. These adults are not given the space to grow as individuals and are not allowed to take care of their own children as they see fit. They do not have the freedom to discover their own strengths or to develop their own wisdom.

As a parent of an emerging adult, I have a lot to learn about letting go. I am tempted to rescue my son from every discomfort and correct every poor choice. This might make me feel useful, but it is damaging his growth and confidence. I must learn to release him and trust God to take care of him.

There are so many other people and issues that I need to release to God. Sometimes I forget that God is more capable than I am. Every time I am tempted to take over, I need to step back and let the Holy Spirit take control.

“For he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.” (Ephesians 1:11 NLT)