Enjoying Life

Some people say I don’t know how to enjoy life. Most of these people equate joy with temporary pleasures like shopping, playing, dressing up, going to lavish parties, eating, drinking, socializing, acquiring more and more luxury goods, receiving attention and admiration from others, experiencing novel thrills, traveling, etc.

I just happen to enjoy (find joy) in a slightly different manner. I find joy in whatever brings me peace, satisfaction, and contentment. Chasing after temporary pleasures rarely brings me joy, but sometimes it can make me momentarily happy. Things that delight me: the sight of my husband, my son’s smile, deep, authentic conversations, a well-constructed, clever sentence, new birds on the front-porch feeders, a new pair of shoes, any fruit or vegetable that grows in my yard. Yet, the happiness I feel is quickly displaced by the next disconcerting circumstance that comes my way: the sight of my husband’s tired eyes, my son’s frustration, fake small-talk, books that fizzle out halfway through, bird poop on my front porch, sore feet from new shoes, and pests on my fruit trees.

I have read that the difference between joy and happiness is as follows: happiness is circumstantial and thus fleeting; joy is a settled contentment that is independent of the state of affairs in one’s life. 

“Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” (Kay Warren)  

Unhook from the Crazy Train

I need to disengage myself from the crazy train. I’ve been hooked on to this wildly-careening engine way too long. Why? Mainly, just out of habit and a sense of obligation, duty, and loyalty. But now I’m realizing how much this habit is costing me. The chaos is making me woozy. The delusional thinking is affecting everyone else who is connected to me.

How can one disengage from toxic relationships, conversations, or situations?

You have to figure out what engages you into these unhealthy predicaments in the first place: The desire for approval, love, or acceptance? A distaste of disapproval and rejection? The yearning to be validated as a good person? The need to prove you are right?

When you want to disentangle yourself from a mess, the first thing to do is observe. Go inside of yourself and become aware of your longings, feelings, and voids. Sort through the mess carefully, and detach yourself from whatever is keeping you trapped. Detachment involves a certain amount of indifference to other people’s reactions. Don’t defend or explain yourself. Don’t try to persuade others to accept your viewpoint. Don’t take ownership for their feelings.

However, do take responsibility for your own care. Don’t abandon yourself. Don’t try to numb yourself with distractions or addictions. Don’t squash your own feelings or internalize shame for not meeting other people’s expectations. Don’t participate with those who are abusing you. Don’t join in with self-bashing. Instead, love and take care of your fragile heart. 

Don’t cooperate with others who are abusing themselves either. The crazy train is emboldened by others who follow behind. The more cars that are hooked on, the more valid it feels. So gently unhook yourself from the derangement; disentangle from the drama; disengage from the chaos. 

Defending Boundaries

I grew up in an environment with a lot of restrictions, but very few boundaries. My childhood was filled with a lot of rules and regulations. I dressed, smiled, ate, prayed and acted according to other people’s standards. There was very little freedom to express myself or think for myself. Yet I was exposed and vulnerable to invasion. The intruders could come in, but I couldn’t get out. It was much like a prison, where those in power imposed restrictions, but the weaker prisoners had very little choice over what happened to them.

As an adult, I have more power. Even then, boundaries are difficult to establish and enforce. I’m often tempted to take the path of least resistance—to abandon my personal boundaries—so as to appease others. I justify it as the Christian thing to do—following the biblical instructions to turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile, and give up your coat to the oppressor. (Matt. 5:38-42)

Yet, I have found that those who capitulate to oppression get violated over and over.

Martin Luther King discussed three different ways that the oppressed usually deal with oppressors: Violence, Resignation, or Non-Cooperation. I found what he said about the trap of capitulation particularly insightful:

 “Another way is to acquiesce and to give in, to resign yourself to the oppression. Some people do that. They discover the difficulties of the wilderness moving into the promised land, and they would rather go back to the despots of Egypt because it’s difficult to get in the promised land. And so they resign themselves to the fate of oppression; they somehow acquiesce to this thing. But that too isn’t the way because non-cooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good.” (from the sermon, “Loving Your Enemies” by Martin Luther King)  

How can we use these concepts of Civil Resistance to establish and enforce the boundaries that protect our individual freedoms? How can we effectively stand our ground against those who infringe on our personal rights? We can choose to not cooperate. When someone attempts to coerce us into any thought, behavior, or activity that we are ideologically opposed to, we have the choice to not participate. We can express our disagreement non-violently, yet refuse to go along with their wrongdoing. This might give rise to conflict, injustice, and self-destruction. Civil Resistance is never easy, but the alternative—acquiescing your personal boundaries—is even more arduous in the long run.

Happily Ever After

Does anyone believe in ‘Happily Ever After’ anymore? The last time I even thought of this phrase (without grimacing) was back when I was 16 years old. It’s hard to believe that I was naïve enough to imagine that continuous happiness was even possible!

Now, I’d settle for ‘peaceful for the next few minutes,’—but even that seems utopian. I’m grateful for healthy days, safe nights, quiet hours, moments of contentment, and a few seconds of laughter. Perpetual happiness and enjoyment seem overambitious.

I don’t suggest the above sentiments be included in a toast at a wedding. However, the realization that perennial bliss is an unreasonable expectation has actually brought me comfort. It has helped me accept the cyclical nature of life on earth.

“Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now.” (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20)

The capacity to extract meaning and wisdom from whatever is given to us—our daily tasks, our relationships, even uncomfortable experiences—this is a gift from God. 

Lord, I don’t ask for happiness, but please grant me contentment for this moment. 

Overflow

"‘I have taken for my motto, 'Not overwork, but overflow'; and already it has made all the difference in my life.’
There is no effort in overflow. It is quietly irresistible. It is the normal life of omnipotent and ceaseless accomplishment into which Christ invites us today and always." (Streams in the Desert)

Overwork is what I do every day. Like a woman trying to collect water with a hand pump, I exert all my energy trying to meet my needs and those of my loved ones. Some days, no matter how much I strain, it amounts to a mere trickle of water. I’m exhausted and achy.

Overflow—the word reminds me of a fountain; effortless, brimming over, continuously replenished, beautiful, and peaceful.

"You won’t succeed by might or by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Armies." (Zechariah 4:6 MSG)

Thus far, I have tried to make things work by my power and might. I am tired of striving within my limitations. I want an unlimited, uninterrupted, flood of the Holy Spirit coming out of every pore and crack in my life. 

Religiosity

What’s the harm in religiosity?

What if we sit down for a meal with a group where everyone just pretends to eat? The bowls are empty, but we scoop up pretend food and go through the motions of chewing and swallowing. We continue to do this because everyone else around us is doing the same. Yet, we remain hungry. We then proceed to fill our hunger by going outside and eating garbage. We assume that these are our only options: empty religiosity which leaves us hungry and the subsequent futile attempts to fill ourselves with unsatisfactory fodder.

There is another option: Authentic faith. Authentic faith satisfies us; nothing else can.

Religiosity keeps us occupied, yet dissatisfied. We assume this ho-hum spirituality is all we can experience during our life on earth. It causes us to seek fulfillment elsewhere—in worldly accomplishments, materialism, and sensuality. So, yes, religiosity is harmful; it diverts and distracts us from authentic faith. 

Gutter Guards

(Psalms Study)

Psalm 119 has so many wonderful verses:

“Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; then I’d never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel.” (119:1-8 MSG)

“I’m single-minded in pursuit of you; don’t let me miss the road signs you’ve posted.” (119:9-16 MSG)

“Deflect the harsh words of my critics.” (119:33-40 MSG)

“Your words all add up to the sum total: Truth. (119:50 MSG)

Cleaning rooftop gutters is an annual task for most homeowners.  Gutters get clogged up with fallen leaves and sediment from the roof. Clogged-up gutters don’t function properly. Many homeowners install gutter guards—a mesh that covers the gutters on roofs, so that water can go through, but not leaves or larger debris. This allows the rainwater to flow freely, and thus the gutter fulfills its intended purpose.

Each of us is created for a purpose--to follow a certain path, to fulfill a specific function. However, often we are unable to keep the course that has been set for us. We get clogged up by criticism, false paradigms, distractions, and societal detritus. In order to fulfill our intended purpose, we have to either routinely clean out the muck or have a filter that covers our minds.

Here is something my dear friend, L.A., wrote to me: “I pray that Jesus’ blood will be your filter today and not let anything hurtful or emotionally disconcerting pass through into your heart. And that the same filter will only allow Jesus’ reactions to pass out to others.”

Childhood Do-Over

Have you ever wished that you could redo your childhood—repeat the good memories, make changes to the bad memories? Of course we can’t erase the traumatic events or recapture the innocence of our youth, but we can nurture and heal the child that is still within us.

We all have different personal narratives, thus, our needs and desires will be varied. If you had a wonderful childhood, you might just want to repeat some of the experiences. Others might want to make up for what they missed out on. One of the differences between childhood and adulthood is that children have very little power over their circumstances. As adults, we now have choices. We can choose to nourish ourselves and not accept abuse from ourselves or from others.

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.” (Regina Brett)

After I read the above quote, I sat down and thought about different ways I could feed and care for my inner child. I thought about all the things that were important to me as a child, the things I craved. I distilled these desires into manageable, grown-up treats that I could grant myself:

Time—More than anything, I wanted someone to take time for me, to be present, to be there for me. Now, I can choose to take time for myself.

Privacy and Quiet—I had very little privacy as a child. Now, I can choose to have my own space, to get away from crowds, even if it means running outside, or shutting the door to a room, or putting on earplugs.

Stability—We moved around a lot when I was a child. I craved routine, order, and a sense of belonging. Now, I can choose to maintain a routine for myself. I can keep my home in order (or at least clean my desk). I’ve created all sorts of traditions for my family—from theme dinners on certain nights of the week and weekly dates with my husband, to our own unique, holiday customs.

Love—I wanted to love and feel loved. I wanted someone/something to take care of and to feel cherished by someone. Now, I have my husband, my son, my dog, my friends, my home, my yard, and the birds on my porch to take care of—and I feel this love coming back to me.

Little Pleasures—There are many little pleasures that bring me great joy even though I’m grown up: books, journals, office supplies, cookies, salty snacks, eating in bed, pretty earrings, shoes, nesting supplies (home décor), being in nature, running, making lists, writing, etc. I’m reluctant to allow myself these little pleasures—it feels indulgent. Now, I can choose to give myself little pleasures, especially when it doesn’t take much away from others.

Playdates—I don’t ever remember having a ‘playdate’ as a child. Unfortunately, my parents’ friends rarely had kids our age, and we came from a culture that didn’t see much need for catering to kids. Now, I can choose to have ‘playdates’—I can invite my friends to my home, or go out for a walk with them, or meet them for coffee, or go to the library with them. This is one of my favorite parts of being a grown-up. I get to hang out with the people I enjoy rather than always being stuck with people I dread.

How about you? What are the ways that you would choose to nourish and cherish your inner child? 

Bird on the Edge

I saw a sparrow sitting on the edge of a branch on our maple tree. The wind was whipping the branches around, and the little bird was hanging on tightly. I wondered why it didn’t just perch closer to the center of the tree where it would be more protected. The branches didn’t sway as much closer to the trunk. But then I realized that a sparrow’s tiny feet couldn’t grip those thick central branches. It sat on the edge, because that is all it could grasp. 

Why do we hang on to the fringes of faith—to prepackaged, processed religion, adaptive social behavior, and mindless rituals? Why do we hesitate to go to the center of God—where we are safer from disturbance? We stay on the edge, because it is easier to grasp. We choose to be wind-whipped and unstable, because we feel like we are still in control. The periphery of faith is within our power of understanding. The deep center is beyond our comprehension. So we choose to sway back and forth, in a state of constant agitation—rather than be still and know God. 

Reacting to Negative Stimuli

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” (-Charles Swindoll)

Sigh! I do not want to hear this right now! If you told me that life was 70% what happens to me and 30% how I reacted to it—I could accept that. Surely my circumstances are more responsible for my misery than my reactions!

The road that encircles my neighborhood is full of ruts and potholes. The Homeowners Association is responsible for its repair and maintenance. Every few years they patch the pot holes, but heavy rains tend to wash out the repair work. Since I drive down this road regularly, I should know where the potholes are—but sometimes I’m not paying attention or I’m driving too fast, and my tires get caught in these holes.

We all have fissures and fractures that we have attempted to patch up and pave over. Negative stimuli, like extreme weather, tend to wash out our repair work and expose our holes. Mental fatigue leads to inattention, which, in turn, causes us to get caught in the same ruts and crevices over and over again. It’s just a matter of time before we feel punctured, deflated, and stuck.

Do I have the power to choose how I respond to negative stimuli?

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” (-Victor Frankl)

We know, from experience, where the potholes are likely to be in our lives. The weak places, the low-lying areas which tend to get washed out during storms of adversity. There are spaces between the potholes in our life. We have to carefully maneuver our responses—drive slowly on whatever small patches of pavement are left.  

Freeing Ourselves from Shame

(Continuation of last Post titled Straightjackets)

Freeing ourselves from the bondage of shame involves recognizing it. I often confuse shame and guilt. Previously, I had read somewhere that guilt is what you feel when you don’t meet your own standards, and shame is what you feel when you don’t meet other people’s standards. I found this quote to be a useful tool in sorting out my standards from those that I had absorbed merely through exposure.

Recently, I read a different definition of guilt and shame. According to Brene Brown, guilt is a feeling about behavior, while shame is about identity. Guilt says I did something bad. Shame says I am bad. Guilt says I did something selfish; shame says I am selfish.

Once we differentiate shame from guilt, then the next step is to identify our personal triggers--what or who makes you feel like you are not good enough?

My shame triggers are any situation or person that makes me feel useless, incompetent, lazy, stupid, selfish, or neglectful. When I am going through shame, I often don’t identify it correctly. I just know I feel yucky. I can’t think straight. I react in unhealthy and unproductive ways. Either I say or do things I regret or cave in to the shame.

According to Brown, the final step out of shame involves reaching out to a confidante—someone you can trust. Be careful not to confide in those who attempt to shrink you further so that they may control you, or make you feel smaller so that they can feel bigger. Shame thrives in secrecy. Opening up to an empathetic person who gives you space to be vulnerable may finally release you from the shackles of shame.

(I listened to several talks by Brene Brown on the subject of shame. Most of today’s post is my interpretation on her ideas.)

Straightjackets

Imagine you are hosting a party at your house, and everyone you ever knew happens to be there. You suddenly feel sick and run to the bathroom. As soon as you shut the door behind you, you either vomit/or have diarrhea. (Pick whichever is most yucky to you.) Your clothes are a mess, but there is no way to discreetly clean up yourself and the surroundings. You need someone to fetch you a set of clean clothes and some cleaning supplies. You have your cell phone, and you can contact anybody at that party. Who would you call? Who would you trust enough to open up to in your yuckiest, most vulnerable moments? Would you call anyone? Or try to stay in the bathroom until everyone eventually leaves? Which one of your friends/relatives would be the last person you would call?

Or maybe involuntary bodily functions are not so embarrassing for you. If so, imagine you have just been caught driving while intoxicated, and you are sure to lose your job over this crime. Who would you call?  

When I am feeling vulnerable, yucky, humiliated—I would rather be by myself. However, if I couldn’t extricate myself from the situation, I would call my husband, my sis, or one of my good friends. I am blessed to have these loved ones whom I can trust in times of vulnerability. There were times in my life when I wasn’t so lucky. In some of my darkest moments, I have felt like I couldn’t open up to anyone for fear of judgment or rejection.

Sociologist and author Brene Brown speaks eloquently about the subject of shame and shame resilience. Several of her talks are available online, and I highly recommend them. Below is something that she said that resonated with me:

“Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be. And it’s a straightjacket.” (Brene Brown) 

There are some people in our lives that we would never call in times of trouble—those whom we suspect would bring us the straightjacket of shame and degradation, rather than empathy and grace; those who are likely to belittle and disparage, rather than encourage and defend us. What if someone brings you a straightjacket and says: “Here, I think this jacket is just your size, try it on?” When we allow someone to manipulate us through shame, we are voluntarily sticking our arms into a straightjacket. Once we are strapped into shame, we are pretty much ineffective.

(Continued)

Shield vs. Yield

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” (Thomas Merton)
We often try to mold our loved ones to fit our vision, rather than accepting them for the unique individuals they are. This is partly because we assume that in order to fulfill our vision, our true calling, we need everyone else to stay in line and do their part. This creates a great deal of conflict between people who share the same physical and mental space.

Here are a few different examples: if you live with a smoker, his desire to smoke infringes on your desire to stay healthy. If you share a cubicle with a co-worker who thrives on chaos and drama, this may encroach on your need for peace. If you like to play loud music at night, this may intrude on your neighbor’s wish to sleep. If you insist that your son get a crew cut and dress in clothes that you feel are appropriate, this may violate your son’s ideas of how he wants to express himself. If your aging parents want you to remain at their beck and call, this might prevent you from doing much of anything else.   

I’ve been wondering: How can I be myself—live according to my own value system—without infringing on others’ right to be themselves? How far do you yield your values in order to accommodate someone else’s values?

My 18-year-old son had some wise words to say about this. He said: “It depends on the relationship--it’s okay for spouses to yield a bit to each other. Parents of minor children may have to yield even more. However, with relatives, friends, neighbors, coworkers, acquaintances, etc., you have to know when to shield rather than yield.”

Protect your values, rather than yield to someone else’s vision. Shield others too—don’t impose your ideas on them. Give yourself and others plenty of personal space for full expression. If your vision of an ideal life requires other people to yield their values, then it’s time to revise your ambitions. Accept yourself. Accept others. Know when to shield rather than yield. 

Lifework

If you had unlimited resources of time, energy, health, wealth, peace, quiet, self-confidence, acceptance, and privacy—what would you find satisfaction in doing? This might be your lifework.

The other night, I watched a biologist promoting his latest book on TV. He had spent most of his life systematically studying ants and ant behavior. He had traveled all over the world—observing, researching, writing, and teaching—about ants. I wonder if he ever felt ridiculous that his lifework revolved around such a minuscule insect. He seemed quite happy and excited to share his knowledge about this subject.

If this man was content to make the study of ants his lifework, I wondered why I felt apologetic about the time I spent studying God.

“God’s works are so great, worth a lifetime of study—endless enjoyment.” (Ps. 111:2 MSG)

I want to make the study of God—His truth, His word/expressions, His glorious works, His splendor, His miracles, His kindness and generosity, His order, His plans—my lifework. I admit, sometimes I feel ridiculous. I’m reluctant to mention my fascination for this subject. I don’t want others to think of me as weird, nerdy, or fanatic. I feel the need to hide away, to indulge my curiosity and passion in private. Even though I’m not eager to share this side of me, sometimes my enthusiasm spills out—mostly in my writing.

I don’t think of writing as my vocation; it is merely a by-product of my pursuit of learning and understanding. I wish I could be more unselfconscious. I wish I could uninstall all the previous societal programming that says that studying, merely for the pleasure of it, is a waste of time. I wish I could unreservedly pursue my passion for God. 

Morning Dew

“Your strength will be renewed each day like the morning dew.” (Ps. 110:3 NLT)

When I go outside in the early mornings, I notice the tiny droplets of water on leaves. It hasn’t rained; it’s just condensation of water vapor due to the cooler overnight temperatures. Once the sun comes up and warms the air, the morning dew will disappear. I think the dew is fascinating and beautiful, but I’m not dependent on it. However, for those who live in deserts, morning dew can be integral to survival. Desert dwellers wake up in the middle of the night to collect dew from underneath half-buried rocks. They lay out absorbent cloth on desert grasses so they can wring out every precious drop to quench their thirst.

Our surroundings are saturated with the Holy Spirit. When we spend time in contemplation, particularly in the early mornings, our minds become surfaces for Spirit condensation. These subtle droplets of wisdom and clarity are easy to overlook. Unless you are going through a desert experience—then you depend on every dewdrop for sustenance. Spiritual strength and wisdom are available to all of us—but not at our convenience. It is time-sensitive. Once the sun comes up, these insights quickly dry up as the distractions of the day take over. So take time to collect the morning dew; drink deeply—for it renews our strength and refreshes our souls.

Life Maintenance

When buying a car, most of us consider the excitement of owning and driving a new vehicle. The initial cost of purchase and gas mileage might also be a concern. Yet, very few of us take the cost of long-term maintenance into account. According to Consumer Reports, “Over the first five years of ownership, the median car costs more than $9,100 a year to own.” http://consumerreports.org/cro/2012/12/what-that-car-really-costs-to-own/index.htm

In addition to the monetary expenditure, there is also a cost in time and energy required to maintain a car: cleaning the interior and exterior, changing windshield wipers, scheduling routine maintenance, taking care of insurance and registration paperwork, fixing broken windshields, flat tires, rust spots, dings, and scratches. When we fail to factor in the resources needed to maintain something, we contribute to its deterioration. 

Life Maintenance—“The basic things one needs to do to keep life flowing smoothly along.” (Urban Dictionary)

Most of us recognize that we have to earn an income and feed, shelter, and clothe ourselves and our family. Once we have accomplished that, we might turn our attention to entertainment, vacations, and hobbies. We budget our money, time, and energy for these obvious endeavors. Yet, there are a thousand other minuscule tasks for which we neglect to allocate time and energy. Think about the things you have to do daily, monthly, and annually, to keep your life flowing smoothly.

Life Maintenance can be sorted into a few broad categories:

Relationship maintenance, Health Maintenance, Home Maintenance, Financial Maintenance, Crisis Management, Intellectual, Moral and Spiritual Development.

If you are young and single, you might not have to allocate as much energy to all these categories. As you get older, certain categories will consume more energy than others. If you are married with children, you might choose to divvy up the responsibilities between you and your partner. Problems arise when we completely neglect some sections in order to focus on other areas of life.

When we fail to factor in the resources required to maintain all aspects of our life, we contribute to its deterioration.

(I have a ‘Life Maintenance List’ that fits my family. It gets updated every 5 years to fit our current stage of life. If you would like a copy of my current list, just email me or comment below with your email address, and I can send it to you.) 

Faithful

(Psalms Study)

 “I will search for faithful people to be my companions.” (Ps. 101:6 NLT)

Dogs can be faithful; spouses promise to be faithful; faithful friends, employees, customers, church members, followers, fans, and citizens are all highly valued.

What do all these have in common? They are loyal, constant, devoted, uncritical, dependable, steadfast, committed, consistent, reliable, accepting, supportive, forgiving, and trustworthy. They can be counted on—to be there for you—no matter what. 

If we have a few faithful companions in our life, we are truly blessed.  Yet, because this level of commitment takes a great deal of effort, we can only maintain a few such relationships. We want to be faithful to those who are worthy of our devotion.

“His unfailing love continues forever, and His faithfulness continues to each generation.” (Ps. 100:5 NLT)

God is faithful. He has always been there for us. His love is unconditional. He accepts us, even though He knows us inside out. He is committed to us and wants the best for us. We can count on Him forever.  This is a relationship worth investing in—God is worthy of our faithfulness. 

How can we be faithful? A faithful wife makes sure that nothing and no one displaces her husband’s position in her life. Philosophers like Blaise Pascal and St. Augustine have pointed out that there is a God-shaped void in all of us. When we allow anything or anyone to take God’s space, we are being unfaithful to Him. Faithfulness requires unwavering commitment, devotion, perseverance, and vigilance. I pray that I may remain steadfast to the One who has always been faithful. 

Widening Gaps

My smart phone is not as smart as it used to be. The operating system is a few years old and thus cannot run many of the newer apps. My laptop, on the other hand, has a newer operating system and can't run many of the older devices. Not all software is updatable. Once the gap between hardware, software, and operating systems becomes too wide, the best option is to buy new devices that are compatible with each other.

Most of us have noticed similar gaps between members of different generations. The values and standards among generations are often so dissimilar that it becomes difficult to relate to each other. Generational gaps are nothing new, so humans have learned to operate within these parameters, albeit inefficiently.

Immigrants and their children face an even bigger challenge. Along with generational and technological differences, they have to face the additional hurdle of a cultural gap. Immigrants who spend their formative years in one country and later move to a new culture find that the ideological gap between themselves and successive generations can be awfully wide. These differences result in a great deal of internal conflict and self-doubt in individuals as well as severe rifts between relatives. 

Widening gaps lead to incompatibility. In the case of technological advancement, we have the option of upgrading software or gadgets. However, we don’t always have this option with other people we are obligated to interact with—whether they be neighbors, co-workers, or relatives. We can find friends and contemporaries who might share our ideologies and perspectives, but we are still stuck with certain discordant relationships. In order to minimize conflict, we have to find ways to detach. We may have to disconnect from codependent social circles in order to find peace, harmony, and contentment. 

Revolutions

The Agricultural Revolution changed humans from being nomadic hunter-gatherers into settlers who cultivated and harvested their food. It led to surplus food, increased longevity, villages, governments, and societal hierarchies.

The Industrial Revolution changed humanity further. We went from beings that worked with our bodies and tools, to operators of machines. Industrialization caused a major shift in ideologies, priorities, living conditions, and human relationships.

More recently, the Digital Revolution has transformed the world. Disseminating and accessing information is vastly different now than a few decades ago. Every aspect of life—from dating, parenting, education, shopping, cooking, bill paying, communicating, banking, healthcare, business, travel, entertainment—has been completely altered. 

I wonder how humanity would be affected by a Spiritual Revolution. Would we strive for divine enlightenment rather than mere earthly existence? Would we be powered by the Spirit rather than our egos? Would it change our priorities, relationships, and lifestyle? 

Clearing Space

I hate fighting. I crave peace and quiet. Yet it seems that my day is filled with battles. Internally, I grapple with doubt, fear, anxiety, insecurity, frustration, control issues, distractions, intolerance, and a multitude of weaknesses. Externally, I struggle with relationships, daily work, finances, health, limitations of time and energy, crowds, cultural expectations, chaos, injustice, etc. Conflict is part of the human condition, yet not all battles are purposeful.

“We have to replace the battle for power with the battle to create space for the Spirit.” (Henri Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak)

As I monitor the reasons behind my daily struggles, I realize how many of them are battles for power as opposed to battles to create space for the Spirit.

How does one create space for the Spirit?

Is it like decluttering a room full of junk, rearranging the furniture, painting the walls, and adding some coordinating throw cushions? I don’t think so. Henri Nouwen described the process as a battle—so it must be more like the clashes for land between Israel and Palestine. The Enemy appeals to my ego and establishes settlements in my soul. The Holy Spirit fights back, reclaiming lost territory.

“The combat is not against human enemies, nor against our own corrupt nature only; we have to do with (deal with) an enemy who has a thousand ways of beguiling unstable souls. If we give way, he will get ground. If we distrust either our cause, or our Leader, or our armor, we give him advantage.” (Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary of Ephesians 6:12)   

The battle to create space for the Spirit involves combating negative human influences, our own internal corrupt nature, and forces beyond our perception. Darkness has a myriad of tools to infiltrate and occupy our souls. It feeds the ego while starving the soul. The more territory we cede, the more the enemy gains. How do we reclaim space for the Spirit? We must trust the cause, our Leader, and our armor.  

Mining for Truth

“When I went home last night, I thought, ‘What do I have to say to these men and women who are so earnest in their search for God and live such good lives?’ But then I realized that the only thing I have to do is to say loudly what they already know in their hearts so that they can recognize it as really theirs and affirm it in gratitude.” (Henri Nouwen, from Seeds of Hope)

Great authors, like Nouwen, say out loud what we already know deep inside our minds. They bring to the surface things we didn’t know we knew. Sometimes these revelations invoke a sense of gratitude; other times it’s just disturbing. Truth hides in the deep recesses of each of us. Some truths are like diamonds which are waiting to be excavated. They have to be cleaned up, cut, and polished before we can appreciate their beauty, brilliance, and clarity.

Other truths are disturbing. It’s like digging a hole in your backyard and finding a sinkhole or sewer. Most of us would rather that these unpleasant truths stay deep underground where they are less bothersome. We don’t appreciate it when someone brings it up, thus forcing us to confront issues that we find uncomfortable.

In our city, before we dig any deep holes, we have to get clearance from all the utility companies. A few days after you make the call, a technician will come and put flags in the yard to let you know where the water pipes, electric/gas/phone/septic lines are buried, so that you don’t dig near them and cause damage. Similarly, it’s important to understand a person’s psychological wiring before you dig too far. 

I relish discovering positive truths about myself and the world. I am not fond of unearthing things which reveal the negative, dark side of humanity. Sometimes, I too feel called to say loudly what others already know in their hearts. I wish truth were always pleasant, uplifting, and inspiring—yet, unfortunately, it isn’t. So I am learning to excavate carefully.

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