Internal Dialogue

“Then I will not destroy it for the sake of the ten.” (Genesis 18:32 NLT)

Charlie is four years old. A few months ago, he was diagnosed with severe aplastic anemia. The treatment for this disease weakens his immune system. Charlie’s parents are friends of our family. They have two other kids. They do everything they can to prevent exposing any of their family members to pathogens. This has become especially challenging during the pandemic. 

Every time I choose to leave my home, there is a chance that I will come in contact with someone who may be harboring COVID-19. I become an inadvertent vector who could potentially spread disease. While my household consists of healthy adults who could most likely recover from this serious illness, not everyone is as lucky. Before the pandemic, I never thought about this issue. I figured if someone were immunocompromised, it was their responsibility to stay isolated. I didn’t think about their siblings, parents, and other caretakers who may have no choice but to work, go to school, pick up groceries, or travel to hospitals in other cities. I didn’t see any reason to limit my lifestyle for the sake of others.

These days, when I am deciding whether to go out of my house for a non-essential activity, I have the following dialogue with myself: What if I could save ten people from infection by skipping this outing? Would it be worth it? What if one of those people had a relative who was immunocompromised? What if I could save one life by sacrificing my desires for one month? Would it be worth it? What if that one life is Charlie’s?

This inner dialogue empowers me to be disciplined about my choices. While I can sometimes be cavalier about my own well-being, I am much more likely to do what is morally right when I think that it has an impact on others, especially children. This new way of thinking is one of the changes I have experienced lately. I am thankful for the grace of compassion, insight, and self-control.