What to Expect

When I was pregnant, I was a big fan of the book, What to Expect When You are Expecting. I loved this book so much that I went ahead and bought the sequels--What to Expect the First Year and What to Expect the Second Year. I’ve often wished they made one for every year. I could see myself walking around with a dog-eared copy of What to Expect the 17^th Year!

I like to be prepared. I want to know ahead of time all the possible scenarios and have a plan on how I should deal with them. Unfortunately, I’m not even sure what to expect today! There are so many pleasant surprises as well as shocking disappointments each day. I’m always in a state of wonder.

“This is God’s Work. We rub our eyes--we can hardly believe it!
This is the very day GOD acted--let’s celebrate and be festive!”
(Psalm. 118:23-24 MSG)

I may not know what to expect, but I do know WHOM to expect! I place my expectation and trust in God. Every day, I can point to something and say, “This is God’s Work!”. I rub my eyes in disbelief at how He works things out.

Sometimes we are the project that God works on. Other times we are the equipment or tool that God uses to work on others. Either way, His hands are on us. His attention is on us.

Now, I could write a book on What to Expect When You are Expecting God. God’s Spirit grows within us, enlarging us, changing us from the inside out. Our perspective shifts. Our ego diminishes. We become more compassionate. We approach every day with a sense of wonder. We recognize God’s movements and it fills us with joy.

 

Concern vs. Trust

The following lines from my daily devotional caught my attention:
“Have we come to the point where God can withdraw His blessings from us without our trust in Him being affected? Once we truly see God at work, we will never be concerned again about the things that happen, because we are actually trusting in our Father in Heaven, whom the world cannot see.” (from My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers)

I have not reached the point of unconditional trust. I’m concerned about every detail of my life. I worry about my family and friends. I’m anxious about global issues. If God were to take away my blessings, my trust would weaken. I’ve experienced this before. A few things go wrong, and my faith wavers.

How do I release my concerns and cling to Jesus with unconditional trust?
At first, I tried saying: ‘I will trust the Lord to take care of this situation’. Then I realized that I was still placing conditions on my trust. I would surrender as long as I had a guarantee of blessings.

I found it difficult to release my big worries. The more attached I was to the outcome, the harder it was to completely surrender and trust God. I realized this was beyond my power. I asked the Holy Spirit to help me.

I practiced with small concerns. I said:
I will not be concerned about ____________, because I trust in You, Lord. 
I felt better. I tried repeating the line with another concern…and another. Saying it doesn’t mean I’ve actually released these concerns forever… but it was a start.

With the power of the Holy Spirit running through me, someday I will reach this place of unconditional trust. I look forward to that day when I will want God for Himself and not for His blessings.

Fuzzy Eyes

Last time I went to a football game, I noticed that the majority of the crowd had fuzzy eyes. This is my term for that slightly drunken look people have, when their eyes don’t seem completely focused. It feels surreal to be one of the few sober people walking among a semi-conscious crowd. I’m saddened when I see people tripping and falling down the bleachers. I’m burdened knowing that these people will be driving home. Since I’m a mom of a young adult, I get depressed watching the college students, as they make poor choices that will lead to harmful repercussions. Paradoxically, fuzzy-eyed people seem to be having fun, while those who see clearly are sad.

This world is full of semi-conscious individuals. We walk around in a daze, unaware, oblivious, fuzzy-eyed. We want to have a good time, be entertained, spend our days in shallow, superficial pursuits. Occasionally, during moments of enlightenment, we see how messed up this world is. We realize how screwed up our priorities are. Sobriety is uncomfortable. We go back to the soft-focus, blurry, semi-conscious life. Follow the fuzzy-eyed masses in a state of stupor into oblivion.

God-Centered

I don’t think of myself as a ‘religious’ person, perhaps because I associate religion with institutionalized church. I tend to disagree with much of the church dogma. Most people who hang out with me know that I’m more worldly than spiritual. My writing reflects my idealistic intentions, not necessarily my day-to-day habits.

I try to live a God-centered life. What else is worth centering my life on?

Most of us don’t think much about what our lives revolve around…our egos, public displays of our greatness (jobs, houses, wealth, ambition), or relationships (which validate our human need for affection). Occasionally, I meet someone who claims that their life revolves around nothing. They tend to orbit around a black hole of hopelessness and cynicism.

Faced with these options, I attempt to live a God-centered life. I continually want to move forward in the direction of my desire and will, yet God’s gravity pulls me in. If this makes me look like a religious fanatic, so be it.

Pay Attention!

My family has a habit of debating current issues at the dining table. The other day we were talking about the U.S. educational system. We all agreed that there is room for improvement, but had differing opinions on what those improvements should be. We all agreed that a larger proportion of the current funding should go to paying teachers, and less should go into athletics. We also agreed that, as a nation, we need to spend less on entertainment and professional sports while diverting some of that money into education. We also felt that it would be good to have higher standards and regular certification exams for both students as well as teachers. However, I think that all these fixes won’t amount to much, unless the students themselves are intrinsically motivated to learn. Even the most knowledgeable, caring, talented teachers can’t be effective, if the students aren’t paying attention.

We have ample opportunities to learn from our experiences. God lays out His lesson plan daily. Here is an example of something He taught me recently:

“First pride, then the crash—
the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.” (Prov. 16:18 MSG)

These days we are encouraged to be proud of ourselves, our family, our school, our country, our race, and our faith. I’ve been drifting along on this cultural wave, without paying much attention to the above lesson on pride. Recently, I’ve noticed that confidence in our abilities has morphed into hubris. I can see it being passed on in my family from one generation to another. Our egos are getting us into trouble. We are falling into gutters of bossiness and condescension.

I’ve been exposed to this lesson on pride many, many times. Somehow, I’ve always assumed it wasn’t relevant to me. This time, I’m focusing. I hope I retain this material and make changes.

Life presents us with practical applications of universal truths. Yet even the best educational system and the Greatest Teacher can only be effective, if we pay attention.

Name of God

“I’ll pray in the name of God.” (Ps. 116:13, 17 MSG)

This phrase, “Name of God”, has been popping up around me the last few days. I’m paying attention…

Dallas Willard has a very nice article on this subject. If you would like to read it, here is the link: http://www.dwillard.org/articles/artview.asp?artID=166

Willard says that when you ask, or act, or speak in God’s name, you are doing so on behalf of God. When we pray in the name of the Lord, we are asking with assurance, with expectation.

Our family has medical insurance through my husband’s job. Although we are all covered, the policy is under his name. So I have to always mention his name and my relationship to him when I go to any medical appointments. They also confirm my address. I think it’s to make sure I’m not separated from my husband.

Similarly, whatever I do in the name of the Lord is covered under His authority. As long as I reside with God, as long as I share His name, I’m assured of certain benefits. However, claiming to know God comes with certain responsibilities as well.

Recently, I read something that Michelle Obama said about her teenage daughters. She reminds them that just as they benefit from their father’s name, there are also responsibilities that come with it. They can’t just post whatever they feel on Facebook, or anywhere online, because they represent their father. Every word they say or write, every picture someone posts of them, every outfit they wear, every friend they have, every action will be scrutinized and held up to a higher standard.

One of the Ten Commandments bans us from using God’s name in vain. When we claim God as our Father, we must be careful not to tarnish His name. Our responsibility to represent God compels us to hold ourselves up to the highest standards. May we live, pray, speak, and act in ways befitting the Name of the Lord.

The Joy of Self-Expression

I delight in every opportunity to express myself, whether it is through speaking, writing, dressing in bright colors, painting, singing, dancing, decorating my home, photography, cooking…

Now, I am better at some of these things than I am at others. I admire those who can write a song or paint a landscape. I have vague ideas for songs and visions of beautiful landscapes swirling in my imagination. Yet, when I try to express them, what comes out is nothing similar to what’s in my head. So I make do by singing along with songs written by others, especially when the lyrics and melody are similar to what I wanted to express, but couldn’t.

Most people think of these as creative pursuits. I don’t know if I’m necessarily creating anything, but just expressing what is inside. I think that God creates and we are meant to be products of God’s self-expression. We are His painting, His song, His book, His dance…

Unfortunately, we put our own twist, our own interpretation on God’s original work. This is the difference between unadulterated nature and things that are man-made. Look at God’s glorious creation and expression in nature. It’s beyond perfect. But then we attempt to “make it our own”, and what results is a diminished version of the original.

I wonder how I can be merely a conduit for God’s expression, without messing it up with my own interpretation.

Changes

Over a decade ago, I lived in a big city. I lived in the suburbs, so I was insulated from a lot of the inner city issues, while still enjoying the convenience of a large airport, as well as a plethora of entertainment, cultural, and shopping options.

I’m visiting this old city again. I see things differently. The city has changed a bit, but I have changed much more. I notice the poverty, racial segregation, and socioeconomic divide. I used to extol this city’s diversity. Now I realize that most of the minorities are in low-paying service jobs, catering to the majority. There is tension between the haves and have-nots. There is fear, resentment, and hatred simmering visibly. There is suffering and degradation.

Meanwhile the city constructs more and more venues of consumption and entertainment. Grotesque distractions that are built to divert attention from the deterioration of humanity. Development attempting to mask decay.

I look within me to see how I’ve changed. Am I hiding the rot inside with a veneer of affluence? I don’t think so…I feel cleaner, healthier. I have more clarity and compassion. I recognize that all humans are flawed. We may be able to come up with temporary ways to minimize degeneration, but eventually the dam breaks, and the depravity floods in. This doesn’t discourage me. I no longer put my confidence in human abilities to solve this mess. I have placed my trust in the transcendent God who shaped order out of chaos, composed harmony from discord, and moved me from a state of decay into regeneration.

Teacher's Notes

My son is learning statistics this year. Since he’s home schooled, that means I’m his teacher. The Statistics curriculum didn’t come with a teacher’s manual. I work out each problem ahead of time and show all my work in a notebook. I also write suggestions in the margins--formulas to review, websites that might be helpful to the concept, problems to skip, extra problems that are relevant to his interests and current events, etc. As my son works on his statistics problems, I sit by him, while he studies the lessons and examples. When he gets to the exercises, I leave him to work independently. But I’ve told him to look at my ‘Teacher’s Notes’ any time he feels stuck. I’ve also asked him to check his answers after each problem, to make sure he’s on the right track.

I wonder if God has worked out the solutions to all our problems ahead of time? I bet He has!

“Your teacher will be right there,…urging you on whenever you wander left or right: ‘This is the right road. Walk down this road.” (Isaiah 30:21 MSG)

God is the Greatest Teacher. He must have clear, detailed, step-by-step solutions to every exercise. He knows when to sit with us and when to let us work independently. However, we always have access to His ‘Teacher’s Notes’, so that we can check our work and make sure we are on the right track.

Obedience

As many of my friends know, I’ve been praying for direction on the next phase of my life. I’ve spent the last 17 years as a stay-at-home mom and wife. So I’ve been presenting God with all my options/preferences and asking HIM to point me in the right direction. I’ve been asking what my next big project is going to be. I have yet to receive an answer on that question, but I did hear from Him about something I never asked about.

Yesterday morning, I sensed a nudge that I should stop nagging my son. Where did THAT come from?

Lord, I consult you about really important matters, and you tell me to do trivial things. I ask you BIG questions, and you give me small answers…All right!…Fine!…I’ll try my best,…OK?

Obedience is conforming to another’s will, staying on-track. Thus disobedience leads to derailment.

What happens when a train is derailed? Let’s say a train is traveling along on its prescribed track. Maybe it’s going too fast around a curve, or maybe some flaw causes the rails to be misaligned, and the train leaves its tracks. The result is a train wreck!

When I obey God, I stay in alignment with His plan. Whether in small matters or on big projects, I need to conform to His design. I must submit to HIS will.

Replaced by Apps

Most smartphone users are familiar with ‘apps’ , or software applications that do specific tasks. For example, there are calendar apps, Bible apps, game apps, email apps, fitness apps…pretty much anything you can think of, there’s an app for that out there!

Recently, I ran across a ‘wife app’ and a ‘mom app’. The wife app just sends preset text messages to your wife if you’re running late. Phew! I’m sure it will be just a matter of time before they come up with an app that does more. The mom app is an organizing tool for moms--shopping lists, day-planner, to-do list, and meal planner. Again, not likely to replace my job anytime soon. However, I did find an app that might be a threat to my role as wife and mom--the Nag App!

For 99 cents, you can download the Nag App to your phone, and it will keep reminding you of things you need to get done, with multiple alarms, at preset intervals. If you prefer text messaging, there is another app called E-Nag, which allows you to send preset reminder texts to all your family members at once. Or if you like variety, the Nag-O-Meter app has 600+ nagging messages that will launch ‘nag attacks’ on you, your family, and friends!

I hope you are as amused by these apps as I am. However, there is a reason I brought this up. I realize that my parenting style involves a lot of nagging. I keep thinking it’s my role as a mother to remind my son of everything. He doesn’t need me for that. He can either develop his own internal timer, or download an app for that.

Pre-Discovered Truths

Every morning, I sit beside my window, in the pre-dawn darkness, reading, praying, thinking and writing. This week I noticed something new…a bright star, framed by my window panels. I wondered why I had never noticed it before. I’m sure I’ve looked out that window a thousand times! Well, I’m sure most of you who are familiar with stars know that I’m talking about the planet Venus, also sometimes referred to as the ‘Morning Star’. This time of year, it’s really bright in the eastern sky, right before sunrise. Humans have been marveling at this point of light for thousands of years. Yet, I just noticed it this week, because it had lined up perfectly between the square panels outside my east-facing window at the exact time that I routinely sit there.

Frequently, I’ll have a philosophical insight about a subject, process my thoughts, write them all down, and then several days later, read something similar in a book! At first, I would get a bit bothered. I would think to myself…I bet now everyone is going to think I got that idea from reading this book!

I know there is nothing new under the sun. Every thought I’ve had, every idea I’ve written, every truth I’ve recognized, has been discovered by others before me. So these days, I’m amused when I read an insight that is similar to my own. Truth is validated when multiple thinkers independently come to the same conclusion.

“God himself is the truth” (John 3:33 MSG)
 
If all truths lead up to one ultimate Truth, then, of course, many people who are searching will end up getting there through similar routes.

Bubble Wrap

Do any of you like popping bubble wrap? It’s kind of fun, isn’t it? The strange satisfaction of hearing the little ‘pop’, immediately after you press down on a bubble…knowing you have plenty more and could do this for hours if you wanted to… It’s relaxing, gratifying,… and quite pointless.

How much of our day is spent on activities that are equivalent to popping bubble wrap?

I press buttons on the computer keyboard, the mouse, the microwave, the stove, the washing machine, the phone, the car, the remote control... The rest of the day, I sweep, I scrub, I talk, I walk, I work…I do things that bring me satisfaction, that make me feel like I’m doing something useful, that provide an outlet to release my need for significance.

For the last two days, I’ve been keeping a record of how I spend my day. Every hour that I’m awake, I jot down up to 3 activities that have taken up each hour. I am surprised to see where all the time has been going. Lots of busywork…not much of long-term significance.

However, I have discovered some meaningful ways of investing time as well. Contemplation, nurturing relationships, caring, serving… Many of my daily activities were originally intended to fit into these categories. Yet over time, I’ve forgotten their original purpose, and they have turned into plain, mindless busywork.

As you go about each activity today, ask yourself: Is this meaningful, or just equivalent to popping bubble wrap?

Regurgitated Faith

Kierkegaard is a famous 19^th century philosopher from Denmark. Although he was a devout Christian, he challenged many of the views held by organized religion.


"For Kierkegaard Christian faith is not a matter of regurgitating church dogma. It is a matter of individual subjective passion, which cannot be mediated by the clergy or by human artefacts. Faith is the most important task to be achieved by a human being, because only on the basis of faith does an individual have a chance to become a true self. This self is the life-work which God judges for eternity.” (from the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)

'Faith is not a matter of regurgitating church dogma.’ Sweet line!

According to Kierkegaard--Faith is absurd. He uses the word ‘absurd’ to mean --beyond human rational thought. One must take a ‘leap of faith’ into the absurd, beyond reason, beyond the paradox, into the transcendent, unexplainable mystery of God.

These are complex ideas. If Kierkegaard were alive now, he wouldn’t be very popular. He wouldn’t sell too many books or be invited to speak at Christian events. We want simplified, easily processed faith that can be regurgitated without much mental effort. We want a faith that can be explained in 7 easy steps, a creed that can fit on a bumper sticker.

If faith is beyond human reasoning power, why even bother to make sense of it? We are drawn to the incomprehensible mystery, to the mystical union with God. Maybe we should just enjoy the dance and quit trying to explain the movements and sensations.

Lord, Help Me

Lord, help me be your hands that bake the bread, that nourishes others, beyond just my immediate family.

Help me be your eyes, so I can see beyond the obvious, notice your glory and your pain.

Help me be your ears, so I can listen to Spirit whispers and have balance and discernment.

Help me be your mouth, so I can speak your words of wisdom and encouragement.

Help me be your feet, so I can go where I’m afraid to go.

Help me have your mind, so I can think your thoughts, feel your emotion, perceive your plans, and recognize the truth.

Help me to accept the position of an unpaid servant in your house.

Limited Resources

The Gospel of John, chapter 6, describes the miracle of Jesus feeding 5000 people. A boy offered his 5 pieces of bread and 2 fish to Jesus, who divided and distributed it to the masses. After everyone was satisfied, they collected the leftovers, and the scraps filled 12 baskets.

Most of us Christians have heard this story so many times that it fails to make an impact on us anymore. However, as I read this story again this morning, a few new thoughts popped into my head:

In today’s political climate, I wondered if Jesus would be accused of being a socialist?

I also wondered if it would make any difference if the boy had one less fish or one less piece of bread to offer. Would Jesus have been limited by the boy’s insufficient resources? Would only 4500 have gotten fed that day? Would there have been any leftovers?

I’m sure the boy knew his meager resources were inadequate when he offered them to Jesus. I’m sure the disciples looked at the boy’s paltry contribution and shook their heads. Yet, it didn’t matter. God’s power was adequate.

God can turn our inadequate talents and resources into whatever HE wills, as long as we are willing to surrender to Him. We are broken, divided, and then distributed, so that our blessings are multiplied.

As I write this, I can think of a few areas…where my family and I are a bit short, a little less than adequate. I wish I had a little more to offer…more for God to work with. REALLY? I doubt God is perturbed by our lack of talents or resources. We need to focus less on our limitations and more on God’s miraculous power. We must be willing to surrender our inadequacies along with our abilities. We must be willing to be broken and distributed. God is All-Sufficient.

Teaching, Learning, Changing

I like to watch The Dr. Oz Show while I exercise. He teaches the audience about health issues. After watching his show, I’m more likely to buy healthy ingredients at the grocery store. I bring these health foods home and put them on the pantry shelf, where sometimes, they sit for weeks. Eventually, I learn to prepare these ingredients in a way that my family finds appealing enough to eat, digest, and absorb. It usually takes a few months before new foods become a part of our regular menu. It takes even longer for us to notice any improvements from these changes. Once we notice positive changes, these practices are more likely to become habits.

“God’s works are so great,
Worth a lifetime of study--endless enjoyment.” (Ps. 111:2 MSG)

God expresses Himself in a myriad of ways. We are surrounded by HIS good teaching. The wonders of nature, great books written by wise sages, our life experiences, relationships… We listen, we buy into these teachings, but sometimes we just shelve it for later. Occasionally, we are able to incorporate these lessons into our lives, to digest, absorb, and learn. Yet, it takes a long time for results to show up, and frequently we give up before we see changes in our lives.

We have the Greatest Teacher, but only a portion of His teaching leads to learning, and an even smaller fragment produces change. It helps to pay attention, take notes, and practice daily. Yet, all the studying and learning is only useful if it brings about change.

Incontinence

The most common definition of incontinence is the inability to control one’s bladder. No one wants to accidentally urinate on themselves before they make it to the bathroom! But sometimes it happens for various reasons.

This week, I read a new description of the word ‘incontinence’. Aristotle describes incontinence (akrasia) as knowing what is good, but lacking the self-control to do good. (From Nichomachean Ethics, by Aristotle)

Plato and Socrates also pondered over this concept of akrasia. If a person knew that option A was good and option B was bad, why would anyone pick the bad option? Socrates insisted that “No one goes willingly to the bad.” He thought that people who made bad choices did so because they lacked knowledge or judgment. Aristotle had a more nuanced view on this. He thought that even people who knew what was good were sometimes weak-willed. They revised their opinions or intentions to excuse their lack of self-control.

The Apostle Paul said, “I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.” (Romans 7:17-25 MSG excerpts)

I think mental incontinence is much more common than the physical incontinence. We have trouble doing what we know to be good and right. We are weak-willed. We make a mess. It’s not intentional. If you, like me, suffer from physical or mental incontinence, there is hope. Depend on Jesus.

Getting Through

Recently, I had the opportunity to go watch a college football game with my husband. During half-time, we walked down to the concession area like everyone else. We ended up just stuck in a sea of people, going in every direction, moving about an inch every minute. Then my husband spotted this big guy, built like a linebacker, ahead of us. My husband suggested that I try to get right behind that guy and stick close. So I did, and we got through that crowd in no time!

Last week was a really slow-moving week for me. Lots of factors beyond my control were bogging me down. I felt stuck. Then I spotted Jesus in front of me. I got right behind HIM, stuck close, and I was able to get through.

Here is an interesting side note to this story. A few months ago, a friend of mine got into looking online for images of Jesus. We would send each other images that we found inspiring. Well, last week, I really needed a visual image--a picture of Jesus that looked big and strong. I ran into this image by Simon Dewey that I particularly liked.

The Good Shepherd by Simon Dewey

 

I know it’s kind of old-fashioned to use religious images and icons. But, sometimes when I’m feeling weak, I revert to old comforting habits from my childhood. I just kept visualizing Jesus ahead of me, moving purposefully, blocking obstacles, clearing the way.



Walk Through the Valley

“Even when I walk through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
For you are close beside me.” (Ps. 23:4 NLT)

When all is going well in our lives, we’re on top of the world. We are on the mountaintop, where we can see clearly and feel close to heaven. On the other hand, when we are going through difficult circumstances, it feels like we are walking through a low, dark valley. We are downcast. We move slowly through these overgrown, dangerous, winding paths.

We must remember to walk through the valley. Don’t get bogged down. Don’t dwell in it. The valley does not represent the bad situation that we are facing, but the darkness we feel when we allow these circumstances to disconnect us from God. If we walk through the darkest, lowest points, hand-in-hand with Jesus--it’s not so bad. Just don’t loosen your grip. Don’t let go, even to brace yourself when you trip on unseen obstacles.

Keep walking through. Don’t set up camp in the valley. We are meant to dwell somewhere else…

“I will live in the house of the LORD forever.” (Ps. 23:6 NLT)

Zorro

My friend’s dog, Zorro, wandered away from home and was lost for 3 days. My friend and her family left their two other dogs at home, while they frantically scoured the countryside. They thought he most likely followed a deer, went too far, and got lost. They were worried that he might have been stolen by a dog fighting ring because of his size, or maybe even got run over by a car! Yet, they stayed positive and kept hoping that he was safe. The family searched intensely for him, calling out his name as they walked the fields near their house. They called the shelters, made up fliers, asked everybody they could think of to keep an eye out for him. Finally, Zorro was found and returned home. We all rejoiced with this family and praised God.
 
Zorro’s story reminded me of the following verse:
“Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.”(Luke15:4-7 MSG)

Most of us wander away from God’s presence at some time or another. We see something interesting and follow it till we are far from home and can’t find our way back. We chase after distractions that will never satisfy as well as God’s provision. The wilderness is dangerous. Evil lurks, waiting for oblivious lost souls. When we stray into darkness, we are at risk of being captured, forced into bondage, used as bait for cruel entertainment.

However, God is always searching, calling out our name, waiting for us to come back to Him. He is filled with joy and relief when we are reunited with Him. And we will finally find security and peace in His presence.

Come back to me with all your heart,
don't let fear keep us apart.
Long have I waited for your coming
home to me and living deeply our new life.
(excerpts from the hymn ‘Hosea’, by Gregory Norbert)

Commitment-Free

I was watching the news the other day, when a commercial popped up with a number to call for “Commitment-free Hookups”. This concept is so BIZARRE to me! I don’t even want to waste my time on commitment-free platonic friendships!

Most of my close friends know that I don’t do casual relationships. I’m intense about everything. Whether it’s taking care of my dog, cleaning my house, exercising, friendships, parenting, writing, home schooling, cooking, studying,…I can’t do anything half-way. This gets me in trouble sometimes. This all or nothing approach is self-limiting. Besides, fanatics are uncomfortable to be around!

I don’t take commitments lightly, especially if there are other people involved. If I start a library book, and it ends up being dull, I have no problem moving on to another book. However, if I buy a book, I feel compelled to finish reading it. Same goes for anything else I purchase. I find wastefulness disrespectful. If someone worked for the money to purchase something, I feel committed to using it. If I can’t use it, I have to return it and get the money back. If I commit to meeting someone at a certain time and I’m 5 minutes late, I feel horrible…like I’m letting them down.

I have a friend who raises chickens. She shares her precious eggs with me. I eat all the egg whites, but I’ve had to throw away some of the yolks. This makes me feel guilty. I feel like I’m disrespecting my friend and her chickens every time I waste a yolk. Forget commitment-free hookups, I can’t even do commitment-free eggs!

I’m learning to accept that not everyone can or wants to commit as intensely as I do. It’s too much pressure. People would rather have casual, laid-back, low-pressure, fun relationships. Commitment-free hookups are more common than I thought!

Sketching

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m a fan of the TV show, Project Runway. Yes, it’s a silly show, and yes, I’m a bit embarrassed that I watch it.

However, even silly TV shows have nuggets of wisdom embedded in them, from time to time. Here are parts of what I remember from a dialogue between two designers on the show from last week’s episode:

Designer 1: “I don’t know what to do with this dress.”
Designer 2: “Where’s your sketch?”
Designer 1: “Oh, you know I don’t sketch!”
Designer 2: “Baby-girl you gotta sketch! How else are you going to know where you’re going with this?”

Baby-girl, you gotta sketch! I think this is going to be my catch-phrase for this week…

Sketching helps you to have a general idea of the design before you buy fabric, cut patterns, and spend time sewing. At first, this might seem uncreative, unimaginative, and lacking in spontaneity. However, you don’t have to develop every detail. You’re allowed to make adjustments and alterations as contingencies come up. In other words, sketching allows you to know where you’re going before you invest too much of your time, energy, or other resources.

I’ve always been fascinated by police sketch artists who draw faces as they listen to the witnesses. They sketch what they have never seen. They help others to recall and record their experiences.

Some people think that any sort of planning is equivalent to a lack of faith. These people like to improvise as they go, to ‘wing it‘, or ‘play it by ear’. Sketching out a plan before they start is seen as constricting to their creativity as well as a sign of distrust.

Sketching, jotting, making a to-do list, entering your plans in a calendar, writing down your thoughts as they come, talking out loud as you process an experience--these are all ways that we trace the outline of the big picture. 
 
God designs. Sketching merely allows us to develop a picture of HIS vision. Like sketch artists, we listen, we draw, we concentrate, we ask questions, we figure out the nuances of His pattern. Once God’s plan is developed in our minds, we are more likely to execute His design properly. But before you get to all that…Baby-girl, you gotta sketch! 

Privacy

“All of you set free by God, tell the world!
Tell how he freed you from oppression.” (Ps. 107:1 MSG)

Glorifying God sounds like a great idea…until you realize that it means giving up your privacy! In order to publicize God’s strengths, you have to reveal your weaknesses. In order to proclaim how God freed you from oppression, you have to talk about your areas of bondage. In order to praise God for healing, you have to talk about your sickness. This is uncomfortable.

Transparency makes us vulnerable. Everything that we say can be used against us. Revealing our vulnerability may invite abuse. This is a necessary risk we must take in order to glorify God.

However, we must be careful to not draw attention to ourselves in this process. If we are wearing a transparent gown, and all it shows off is our nakedness and shame, then it doesn’t fulfill God’s purposes. The transparency has to go further, to reveal the image of Christ in our souls. This requires that we have Christ as our inner core in the first place.

Honesty and transparency glorify God if, and only if, Christ is at the center of our lives.

Pity

Even so, he pitied them in their distress
And listened to their cries.
He remembered his covenant with them
And relented because of his unfailing love. (Ps. 106:44-46 MSG)

Yesterday, a friend and I were discussing the word pity, and how it’s not a good thing anymore. When we are feeling pitiful, we mistake empathy from others as pity. What’s the difference? When a friend is sad with you, feeling the same emotion as you, that is empathy. When she is feeling sad for you, that is pity. Either way, she is trying to be supportive. So why are we so sensitive about being the objects of pity?

It’s much easier to be on the giving side of pity than on the receiving side. Accepting charity or pity makes us feel inferior and weak. It takes away our sense of self-sufficiency and thus a part of our dignity. This is really screwed up! How come we are able to accept pity, mercy, grace, and charity from God, but not from godly friends? Who else is God going to work through?

God takes pity on us in our times of distress. He places supportive friends and family members in our lives. When we are broken, we have to lean on these people who are kind enough to extend mercy and grace. But first, we have to give up the crutch of pride that we’ve been using to hobble around independently. Our pride causes us to refuse the gifts of God’s unfailing love.

I’m learning to accept support…to put away my precious pride…to accept God’s unfailing love and mercy.

Extra Miles

“If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles.” (Matt. 5:41 NLT)

“If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life.” (Matt. 5:41 MSG)

The idiom, “going the extra mile”, comes from this verse. Nowadays, it means to do more than is expected of you.

I’ve always fantasized about running a marathon. I used the word “fantasized” rather than “dreamed” on purpose because there is more pressure to make dreams come true! The most I’ve run at once is 10 kilometers.

Recently, I was talking to a friend who is training to run a marathon next month. He had run 20 miles that day as part of his training. I marveled at how casually he mentioned this amazing feat! Then he said something that caught my attention: “No matter how many miles I run, I find the first 4 miles the most annoying.” He went on to explain how, after the first 4 miles, he gets into a rhythm, the endorphins kick in, and he doesn’t mind the rest of the run!

Well, I wouldn’t know about that! Most days, I quit after the 3^rd mile. And yes, all 3 miles are annoying! Here is the sequence of my thoughts during my regular run:
1^st half-mile- This feels good. I’m so dedicated. I run more than the average person my age.
2^nd half-mile- I have so many other things I should be doing right now. Why am I running around in circles?
2^nd mile- My knee hurts! I probably should turn around before I hurt myself permanently.
3^rd mile- Ok. That’s enough! Everything in moderation. I’m going to go inside and eat a bag of cookies, ‘cuz I earned it!

Some of us might go the 2^nd mile, but most of us are reluctant to go the 5^th mile. We feel like we’ve gone above and beyond what others would do in a similar situation. We get irritated at ourselves for wasting time, for being gullible or idealistic. Our self-preservation instinct kicks in to high gear and we give up…

Maybe the first few miles are annoying because we are operating under our own strength. Once we are completely depleted, then God’s power, in the form of Holy Spirit endorphins, kicks in. We fall into HIS rhythm and the going gets easier. We can go the extra miles through the transcendent grace of God.

Prayer, Incompetence and Temper Tantrums

My sister had to deal with some incompetent people recently in the process of selling and buying a house. It was frustrating. We all got upset and angry, vented to each other, expressed our desire to beat up the offenders, or at the very least, write a nasty letter to them. Between all this angst, we prayed too.

This pattern, of prayer on one side and angry thoughts of violence on the other side, belies our trust in God. We pray. While we wait, we get frustrated. We are not sure that God will come through for us. We react. We take matters into our own hands. We make a bigger mess. Then we sheepishly pray again.

Through this experience, we also learned that human incompetence is no match against God’s competence. Even the most unprofessional behavior can’t block God’s will. Neither can our temper tantrums. Although, I wonder if God waits for us to finish our tantrums before he takes action. That’s what I used to do with my child. A good parent would never give a child what they wanted in the midst of a tantrum!

God keeps teaching us the same lesson about trust. He is able; He is trustworthy. He is dependable. We can count on Him to come through, not on our terms, but on HIS terms.

 “None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us.” (Romans 8:37 MSG)