Generosity in Perspective

“Although they were going through hard times and were very poor, they were glad to give generously. They gave as much as they could afford and even more, simply because they wanted to.” (2 Corinthians 8:2-3 CEV)

St. Paul is asking Corinth, a rich city, to give proportionally of their wealth to Judea, a foreign country in need. He points out that Macedonia, a very poor country, has willingly given above and beyond what they can afford. This reminds me of the poor widow who donated her two coins in comparison to the rich who gave a tiny part of their surplus.

I would like to offer my two cents on proportional giving:

We are each given different amounts and types of resources. Most of us would rather give locally, either to relatives or those in our own country. We also like to give through churches and charities, where we can be appreciated and honored for our generosity. As an American, I know I am blessed with more than average resources compared to the rest of the world. I have also heard that our government donates a lot in foreign aid to developing countries. However, the above verses prompted me to look up how this giving stacked up in proportion to our nation’s wealth and population. In 2016, the U.S. government gave 0.15 % of its Gross National Income (GNI) in foreign aid. This comes to about $95 from each of us who lives in this country. In comparison, those who live in Sweden donated 1.4% of their GNI--which comes to $757 per person. In fact, the U.S. placed 20th in proportional giving compared to other nations. Here’s another little tidbit I found appalling: We, as Americans, spend about $90 per capita on lawn care. This information challenged my preconceived smugness about belonging to a generous nation.

As individuals, we have little power over national economic policy. However, we can change our perspectives and attitudes--perhaps question our sense of superiority over other nations. By recognizing that we are giving but a tiny bit of our surplus, while other nations give proportionally more, we can correct long-held misconceptions. This allows us to honor those other nations who, like the poor widow in the gospels, give more than their fair share.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_development_aid_country_donors

https://madison.com/wsj/business/how-much-do-americans-spend-per-capita-on-lawn-and/article_ef2654fa-0b36-511c-b16d-3e9bfd34f21b.html_

Imposters Among Us

“You have such admirable tolerance for impostors who rob your freedom, rip you off, steal you blind, put you down—even slap your face! I shouldn’t admit it to you, but our stomachs aren’t strong enough to tolerate that kind of stuff.” (2 Corinthians 11:20-21 MSG)

On a first date, a man slips a drug into a woman’s drink and takes advantage of her. Most of us recognize this as wrong behavior. If the same woman knowingly continues to tolerate this treatment, we conclude that there is something wrong with her, too.

Someone invites you to their home and mixes laxatives in your food just to mock you in front of others. You continue socializing with them, because you convince yourself that it’s no big deal. If this were to happen to your children, you would warn them not to associate with this kind of people.  

Imposters and emotional abusers repeatedly target the same kind of people. Their victims are often impressionable, congenial, and gentle. These are wonderful qualities, not weaknesses. However, manipulators take advantage of those who are kind, convincing them that all is well while controlling them. In our desire to be included and accepted, we tolerate those who rob our freedom and put us down. And because it is so common--in politics, work places, social and family gatherings--we accept it as inevitable, BUT it isn’t. Those who choose to leave this environment are not doomed to loneliness and rejection. The energy that was once used to prop up imposters can now be invested in sincere relationships. Kindness can now be expressed to those who will not abuse generosity. Where virtue is nurtured and truth thrives, goodness will flourish.

Mind Games

“Evil people who pretend to be what they are not will become worse than ever, as they fool others and are fooled themselves.” (2 Timothy 3:13 CEV)

Back in the 1980’s, video game arcades were popular hangouts for teens. Our local arcade was called Games People Play. Young people spent their money, skills, and time trying to score points and compete with others. I didn’t enjoy playing video games, but I hung out with friends who did.  I wanted to be social-- feel like I was part of my peer group--so, I went along unthinkingly, doing what everybody else did.

As a grown-up, I continued this habit of hanging around people who played games. The games people play as adults are slightly different, though. At work, social gatherings, church, sporting venues, and family events, mental games of one-upmanship are common. Who is the most attractive, best-dressed, most successful, most knowledgeable, funniest? Whose kids are the most athletic, cutest, smartest, and gifted? Instead of seeking to be the highest scorer in an arcade game, now they pursue higher levels of power and status.

Mind-game players score points by getting others to do what they want. They pretend. They flatter. They coerce. They manipulate. They deceive. They are adept at using every tool to gain influence and admiration.  Since this is what passes for common social behavior, even those of us who don’t enjoy playing mind games, inadvertently participate by merely hanging out with those who do.  

No more. Now that I know better, I avoid people who play mind games. Yet, I have learned a few lessons from my time observing them. Pay attention to patterns of behavior. Look for congruency in speech, body language, and what people do when no one is watching. Watch how they treat those from whom they have nothing to gain. Notice their deep insecurities and delusions. Those who play mind games eventually start believing their own lies. They never find their true identity or self-respect. Instead they get trapped in their own snares of self-deception. Eventually, they burn through every sincere relationship, ending up lonely, feeling empty.

Inventory of Blessings

“He will increase what you have, so you can give even more to those in need.” (2 Corinthians 9:10 CEV)

A friend of mine works for a company that requires him to do inventory on all the materials and parts regularly. This got me thinking that it would be good to do an inventory of all the blessings in my life. I started off by writing up a gratitude list--page after page of blessings. I keep discovering new piles in unexpected corners. For example, this morning I read an article that reminded me of how many people do not have the resources to cook healthy, wholesome food.

I am blessed with the time to find healthy recipes, plan meals, and go grocery shopping. I have the skills to cook, drive, access the internet, read and understand articles about nutrition, and the knowledge to store and clean food properly. I have the space to safely store food, equipment to prepare food, my own private kitchen space, cleaning supplies, water, car, gas, and a steady supply of electricity. I am blessed with capable hands to peel and chop whole foods, physical ability to walk, bend, lift, stand. I also have the money to buy groceries, the willingness to cook, and loved ones to nourish.

Once you do an inventory and realize how much you have been blessed, your thoughts automatically go to how you can give more to those in need. Generosity is most often expressed in the forms of gifts and money. Time, attention, respect, friendship, wisdom, support, and guidance are also precious contributions. Recognizing need is a bit more nuanced. Those who feel entitled or are the most demanding receive the most attention while many others go unnoticed. Thus, generosity calls for careful observation and intuition from the giver and vulnerability and transparency from the receiver.  

Climbing Hills

“Our work as God's servants gets validated - or not - in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times;” (2 Corinthians 6:4 MSG)

As a runner, hills are my nemesis. They are hard on my legs, my lungs, and my spirit. As I approach a giant hill, I prepare myself for the suffering ahead. I straighten my shoulders, take quick, short strides, and repeat positive affirmations in my mind. I have learned not to look too far ahead--because that can be demoralizing. Instead, I keep my eyes focused just a few feet ahead of me. When I get to the peak of each hill, I look around. I know there are more hills to come, but I remind myself of how far  I’ve come. I am also aware of those running behind me who are watching me climb.

Life is marked by hills of difficulty, some steeper than others. These can be hard on our bodies, minds, and spirits. Yet, these hills can also be a platform, making us more visible to others. As we reach higher elevations, our perspective also changes. People are watching us as we stay the course-- alertly, unswervingly. Our work as God’s servants gets validated--or not--in how we handle suffering. We practice our faith by displaying God’s power working through us...one hill at a time.

Morning Stillness

“And when the cloud lifted in the morning, they set out...” (Numbers 9:21 ESV)

Mornings are precious. The mind moves from a subconscious state to the surface, shaking off the soul blanket before donning the concerns of the body. This interval before the brain fog lifts, and you set out for the daily agenda, must be cherished. The cloud of the Holy Spirit remains near. Be still. Listen to the whispers. Feel the nudges.

“They gathered it every morning, each person according to need. Then the sun heated up and it melted.” (Exodus 16:21 MSG)

Each morning, God provides you with the guidance. Gather up every insight before it melts away. Once you move on to the chaos of the day, it becomes harder to connect to the Spirit. Thus, wake up as early as you need; linger as long as you can.

Religious Trouble

“Live in such a way as to cause no trouble either to Jews or Gentiles or to the church of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:32  GNT)

Recently, I read an article in The Voice of the Martyrs about the persecution of Christians in India. Here are a few direct quotes:

“The intolerance of the Hindu unity movement is equaled only by that of radical Islam.”

“Indian Christians are boldly and lovingly proclaiming the gospel amid a majority Hindu culture that has always treated them as outcasts and now seeks their elimination.”

As a Christian who has lived in India, amidst a Hindu majority--I find these statements to be a bit distorted. Majority religions in every country try to assert their dominance over those of other faith traditions. Extremists--whether they are Christian, Hindu, or Muslim--wear intolerance like a badge of their religious superiority.

Treating minorities as outcasts and seeking their elimination is not exclusive to any religion or region. Religious tensions resulting from discrimination, pressure to conform to the majority, and social injustice are nothing new. St. Paul knew what it was like to be part of the majority as well as the minority. Thus, he admonished Christians to live in such a way that caused no trouble to those of other faith traditions. Living the gospel is more effective than merely proclaiming it. Let us display our faith through the practice of compassion, justice, inclusivity, tolerance, and mutual respect.

God's Provision

“I am the LORD your God. I rescued you from Egypt. Just ask, and I will give you whatever you need.” (Psalm 81:10 CEV)

This morning, I am praying for three specific people:

--A friend who is waiting for a pathology report to see if her cancer has spread.

--A friend who is facing pressure at work for speaking up for the voiceless.

--A young person who needs guidance and encouragement.

These people are in need. I am powerless to fix their issues. I fight off my natural tendency to wallow in cynicism, fear, and despair--for this only blocks access to grace. Instead, I roll up my sleeves, plant my feet firmly in faith, and lean heavily on God. Those who are in crisis may not be able to see or think clearly.  Thus, it is up to us who support them to hold them up to the Lord. Remind them of past battles--when things seemed hopeless and overwhelming. God rescued us for His purpose; He will provide everything we need.

Acclimatizing to Pollution

“‘So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good,’ says God. ‘Don't link up with those who will pollute you.’” (2 Corinthians 6:17 MSG)

I used to live in a big city filled with pollution. As a child, my lungs became acclimatized to factory emissions, car exhaust fumes, and cigarette smoke. I thought this environment made me tough and cosmopolitan. For the last twenty years, I’ve lived in a rural area. I have become accustomed to breathing clean air now. These days, whenever I visit an industrial area, I find it difficult to breathe. Those who are accustomed to pollution may conclude that my lungs have become weak--but that is not the case. As an endurance runner, my lungs are stronger than ever. In the past, I would get light-headed just driving up mountain roads; now, I enjoy running in higher elevations!

Just as acclimatizing to pollution doesn’t make us tougher, conforming to a culture of corruption doesn’t make us better. Living in a landfill of deception, manipulation, condescension, and power-seeking simply numbs our conscience. Desensitizing oneself to decomposition does not equal strength. When we compromise our convictions for the sake of fitting in and getting along, we become part of the problem. If we influence others to join us on the trash heap, we contribute to their degradation as well. There is another option. Let us separate ourselves from that which defiles us, from those who pull us down into the muck with them. Instead, let us link up with those who lead pure lives, lift us higher, and encourage us to be better.

Continuing Education

“As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit--just as it has taught you, remain in him.” (1 John 2:27 NIV)

Authors naturally lean toward topics they know about and emotions they have experienced. I tend to write about what I am currently studying. In general, I am a curious person who enjoys intellectual pursuits. I love learning new things, but sometimes I get stuck. And, since my writing reflects what I am trying to understand, these same topics appear over and over again.

This is the 2000th post on this blog. In my search to know God better, I have had to grapple with my prior religious education and cultural conditioning. In order to differentiate between what is true and what is counterfeit, I continually sift and evaluate common teachings, traditional biases, and conventional precepts. Like a prospector panning for gold, I stand in the stream of Scripture, attentively examining everything that flows through the sieve of my mind. Not everything I find is gold; yet, everything requires close inspection. This can be tedious and repetitive, but it is part of the process of study. I shall continue to seek truth. My writing is mostly field notes to myself, a tool for learning and review. I share these study notes in the hope that they may be beneficial to others--with the caveat that my understanding is incomplete and always will be.  

Prayerful Surrender

“I replied, ‘But my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the LORD’s hand; I will trust God for my reward.’” (Isaiah 49:4 NLT)

The absence of visible progress often leads to discouragement. When we have spent all our energy but have nothing to show for it--our work seems pointless. Hopelessness sets in. We throw up our hands in despair. Do not mistake this as prayerful surrender.

The presence of faith leads to encouragement. Trust allows us to hand over our concerns to God in complete confidence. We realize our limitations, but we do not become unhinged. Instead, we recognize God’s power behind every aspect of our lives. This is prayerful surrender.

“A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see.” (My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers)

Entrusting our lives to God’s hands rarely leads to comfort and safety. Expect to be stretched. God is aiming at purposes we cannot  yet perceive. Prayerfully surrender to His wisdom and strength. Stay pliable. Yield to Him in complete confidence. Remember that you are an instrument in His hands; thus, He is the source of power.  Trust in God’s aim.

Worthy Desires

“I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit.” (3 John 1:2 NLT)

As far back as I can remember, I have been practical and frugal. I am clear about the differences between wants and needs. I seek a life of simplicity, contentment, and peace. I intentionally cultivate gratitude. As a result, I have developed an aversion to materialism, indulgence, and the flaunting of affluence. Unfortunately, there is a downside to this. It makes me deeply apologetic about my wants--especially if they are expensive or inconvenient. If I can’t justify a desire as necessary, sensible, and beneficial for everyone--it feels wasteful and selfish.  

My idea of what is an acceptable desire could use some updating. Fortunately, I have two wise friends who guide me in this process. Their perspective helps me reassess my long-held beliefs about wastefulness. This is what they have taught me: As long as my wants are healthy, balanced, and empowering, and I am blessed with the time, money, and energy to pursue these desires--they are worthy. On the other hand, making compromises that go against my wishes is self-degrading. Saying ‘yes’--when deep down I want to say ‘no’-- is uncaring to my soul.  I have not yet learned these lessons by heart. Thus, I need my wise friends to continually go over them with me, holding me accountable. They remind me to get rid of all the old messages which create mental chaos. They encourage me to pursue worthy desires that bring health in body and strength in spirit.

Good Guidance

“I want you to understand what is good and not have anything to do with evil.” ( Romans 16:19 CEV)

When reading through the Bible commentary for the above verse, I was struck by the following sentence:

“They corrupt the head by deceiving the heart; perverting the judgments by winding themselves into the affections. We have great need to keep our hearts with all diligence. It has been the common policy of seducers to set upon those who are softened by convictions. A pliable temper is good when under good guidance, otherwise it may be easily led astray. Be so wise as not to be deceived, yet so simple as not to be deceivers.” (Matthew Henry Commentary of Romans 16:17-20)

Those who mess with your head start with deception. They distort your intuition by slithering in through your weak spots and creating confusion. A person with an agreeable nature can be influenced in a positive direction when near good mentors. However, a pliable personality with soft convictions can also be easily led astray by manipulators. Thus, it is imperative to be on guard against such deceivers.  

Lord, enable us to understand what is good and surround ourselves with godly influences. Grant us the wisdom to stay clear of evil.

Shame Showers

“For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” (James 3:16 KJV)

A long time ago, I used to work in a hospital laboratory. Sections of the lab were sealed off for tests that involved biohazard organisms and chemicals. Workers were required to follow safety protocols. We had personal protection equipment like gloves, masks, respirators, disposable suits, etc. In the event of a spill or accidental contact with a toxin, we were instructed to shower upon exiting the lab.

For those of us who have family of origin issues, some bio-relatives can be biohazardous. It is critical to follow safety protocols after any contact. First of all, identify sources of toxicity and minimize exposure. Protect your mind from strife, envy, confusion, exploitation, contempt, and shame. Decontaminate your soul as soon as possible. Disengage from emotional manipulators, habitual deceivers, and bullies. If derision is smeared on you, take a shame shower. Don’t allow it to infect you. Avoid becoming a carrier of this disease.

Lord, help me to identify individuals and situations that are hazardous to my spirit. When I am exposed to toxicity, teach me how to decontaminate my mind so that I don’t spread harm to others.

Bio-relatives

“They were like family to each other. They also broke bread and prayed together.” (Acts 2:42 CEV)

A friend of mine was adopted as a young child. A few years ago, she tracked down her biological father and a few other blood relatives. She refers to these folks as her bio-relatives as opposed to her real family--none of whom are related to her by blood. I also have three single friends who have lived together for decades. They take care of each other and do life together. They are family.

Kinship is not merely sharing a bloodline but also supporting each other through the journey of life. The words kin and kind are etymologically related. Relationships that are based on obligation, entitlement, manipulation, shame, condescension, and bullying are not kind. The people who are consistently present in your life--those whom you can count on to drop everything and listen to you when you need to vent, those who are familiar with your deepest longings, fears, and insecurities, those whom you can trust, those who encourage you, love you, and accept the real you--they are your authentic family.

Running for a Cause

“Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. (1 Peter 5:2 NLT)

I’ve been running marathons for a few years now. Thus far, my reasons for running have been mostly about personal improvement. Running long distances has increased my physical endurance and mental fortitude. Setting goals and achieving them makes me feel good about myself. I’ve been focused on what I have to do to be a better runner--increasing mileage, speed, and learning more about the sport.  

Most marathons have a number of runners raising money for charities. According to USA Today, exercise-based fundraisers tend to be inefficient when you look at dollars spent vs. dollars raised. Moreover, most races only give a small percentage to the charity they sponsor. While running for a cause can be a self-transcending experience, it may not be the most charitable. With all this in mind, I am selective about charity races. I carefully research the organizations and their financials before I participate in events. To me, this is simple stewardship. God has entrusted each of us with resources. We are commissioned to watch over everything that is placed under our care. This must be done, not for personal gain or fame, but from a true desire to represent and serve God to the best of our ability.

Running Errands

“All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you.” (2 Corinthians 4:5 MSG)

I routinely run errands for my family. On any given day, I may go to the supermarket to buy food items, to the pharmacy and pick up medicines, to the post office to mail a package, to the library to return books, to the bank to deposit a check, to Goodwill to drop off old clothes, etc. I am privileged to have the time to do these things. It makes life easier for my family. The tasks themselves may not be significant, but my reason for doing them is meaningful.

“Don't even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life.” (Romans 6:13 MSG) 

Every day is filled with tasks--some seem mundane while others feel important. We often assess the significance of our work by the amount of validation it receives. If we get paid, praised, or appreciated for what we do,  it seems worthy. When our motivation comes from external validation, we are more likely to choose conspicuous projects while ignoring low-profile missions. This worldly perspective focuses on the notability of the task rather than the reason for doing it. St. Paul warns us against running errands that are connected with this old way of life. He reminds us that we are errand runners from Jesus for His purposes. This new perspective influences us to look at everything differently. We realize we are not meant to seek attention or pad our own egos. Motivated by this higher purpose, we seek God’s glory--not our own. The tasks themselves may be humble, but our reasons for doing them are monumental. As messengers, representatives, and gofers for Christ, we have the privilege of assisting God to fulfill His mission. And we do not take this grace lightly!

No Light

“I am the LORD All-Powerful. So don't depend on your own power or strength, but on my Spirit.” (Zechariah 4:6 CEV)

In my bedroom, there are two matching lamps on either side of the bed. Recently, both of them started malfunctioning. I have a stockpile of different kinds of bulbs, so I just kept trying every type I had in the house. Each new bulb would work for a while--but then the light would go off. After a few weeks of frustration, I was ready to give up. As a last-ditch effort, I decided to look online for possible fixes. One of the articles I read suggested using the same wattage of bulb that the lamp originally came with; I wasn’t sure what that was since the lamps were old.  It took me some trial and error--but I finally found the correct bulbs that were made for the lamps, and now they are working fine.  

We are lamps that are meant to illuminate the darkness around us. Our souls were equipped with an original light source, but we have switched to different kinds of bulbs of our own choosing. We might be able to shine under our own talents and willpower for a while, but eventually we will burn out. Through trial and error, we discover our authentic purpose--the initial light that God created within us. We learn not to depend on our own power and strength, but on the Holy Spirit.

Make It Your Own

“God remembered us when we were down, His love never quits. Rescued us from the trampling boot, His love never quits. Takes care of everyone in time of need. His love never quits. Thank God, who did it all! His love never quits!” (Psalm 136:23-26 MSG)

Whenever I use a recipe to cook, I modify it. Depending on the recipe, I may add a little bit more garlic or pepper, a little less oil or butter, or slice meat into strips. I am not trying to be creative; I just know what my family is likely to eat.

Similarly, I find it helpful to paraphrase scripture verses and make them my own. I am not trying to be clever or innovative; I just know how my mind works. In order to digest truth, I have to cut it down, marinate it, and season it with my personal experiences. This allows me to get full enjoyment and nourishment out of the Word. I shall close with a short example from Psalm 136:

Lord, You stayed by me when I was down

You never quit.

You rescued me from darkness

You never quit.

You take care of everyone in their time of need.

You never quit.

I’m thankful

That You never quit!

Repetitive Prayers

“Give thanks to the Lord of lords,

for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who alone does great wonders,

for his steadfast love endures forever;” (Psalm 136:3-4 ESV)

Psalm 136 repeats the same phrase 26 times: for his steadfast love endures forever.

Why is it so repetitive?

Doesn’t the Bible warn against rote prayers?

“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words.” (Matthew 6:7 ESV) 

Repetition, if used mindfully, can help one focus. The key is intentionality.  There is a big difference between merely going through the motions and doing something sincerely. The former is empty while the latter is meaningful. The litany in Psalm 136 is not meant to appease God or garner His favor. It reminds the reader of the enduring faithfulness of God. The rhythmic reiteration is meant to enable contemplation. Reciting rote prayers while allowing our mind to wander is useless. This sort of vain repetition is what the Gospels warn us against. However, as we see in the Psalms, the practice of repeating verses can be deeply prayerful. If done sincerely, it centers our mind on truth.

Meditations of My Heart

“These are the words in my mouth; these are what I chew on and pray. Accept them when I place them on the morning altar,” (Psalm 19:14 MSG)

I have a tendency to eat unhealthy foods when I am busy, stressed, and away from home. In order to curb my appetite for junk, I carry around a small bag of unsalted nuts and dried fruits. I have to pack these bags ahead of time. This takes planning. On days that I know I have a lot to do, I prepare my healthy snacks in the morning, before I need them. These portable baggies of nourishment have saved me countless times from binging on artery-clogging fare.

When I am busy, my mind feels scattered. Like a buzzing bee among flowers, my thoughts flit from one task to the next. I have a predilection towards worry. If left to my own devices, I unconsciously indulge in toxic thoughts and fearful speculations. Thus, I have learned to prepare for hectic days ahead of time. Every morning, I carefully pick out a scripture verse to meditate on while I go about my work. I repeat it to myself several times. I type it up. I save it as a wallpaper on my phone. I post it wherever I can. I continually chew on these verses and pray. These portable meditations prevent me from succumbing to faith-clogging apprehension. My thoughts, attitudes, and speech are transformed when my soul and spirit are nourished by God’s Word.

Fritters

“A right time to search and another to count your losses, A right time to hold on and another to let go...” (Ecclesiastes 3:6 MSG)

Plantain fritters are a popular treat in many parts of the world. Plantains are a larger, starchier variety of bananas that are often used for cooking. Plantain fritters are made from overripe plantains, dipped in batter and deep-fried. They are mildly sweet, but most of the taste comes from the fat they are fried in. I ate a lot of these when I was a child. I didn’t find them particularly appealing, but I wouldn’t refuse them either.  When I was a teenager, I witnessed how they were made. Although I liked most batter-fried foods, I knew these weren’t worth the calories. I also noticed that consuming these fritters made my skin break out in pimples. Even so, I would dutifully eat them if someone served them to me; I hated being rude. It took me another few decades to let go of this habit--of obligatorily swallowing whatever was presented to me--even if I sensed that it was unhealthy.

This habit of mindlessly consuming harmful things extended to many other areas of my life. I spent years accepting beliefs and traditions without much thought. I expended energy on soul-sucking relationships, on trying to maintain appearances, and on people-pleasing. I convinced myself that it was no big deal, that if everyone else could deal with it, so could I. I thought drinking the poisoned kool-aid was a sign of tolerance and character.  However, no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t find meaning or purpose in pretense.

I no longer eat plantain fritters, no matter how much someone pushes them on me. I also have let go of the need to go along to get along, to avoid disapproval at any cost, and to accept societal expectations. I refuse to fritter away my energy for the sake of appearing nice. I don’t waste time regretting the years I have lost to these habits either. There is a right time to search and another to count your losses, a right time to hold on and another to let go. I have learned to cultivate habits that nurture my soul and relinquish all that depletes my spirit.