Mind Games

“Evil people who pretend to be what they are not will become worse than ever, as they fool others and are fooled themselves.” (2 Timothy 3:13 CEV)

Back in the 1980’s, video game arcades were popular hangouts for teens. Our local arcade was called Games People Play. Young people spent their money, skills, and time trying to score points and compete with others. I didn’t enjoy playing video games, but I hung out with friends who did.  I wanted to be social-- feel like I was part of my peer group--so, I went along unthinkingly, doing what everybody else did.

As a grown-up, I continued this habit of hanging around people who played games. The games people play as adults are slightly different, though. At work, social gatherings, church, sporting venues, and family events, mental games of one-upmanship are common. Who is the most attractive, best-dressed, most successful, most knowledgeable, funniest? Whose kids are the most athletic, cutest, smartest, and gifted? Instead of seeking to be the highest scorer in an arcade game, now they pursue higher levels of power and status.

Mind-game players score points by getting others to do what they want. They pretend. They flatter. They coerce. They manipulate. They deceive. They are adept at using every tool to gain influence and admiration.  Since this is what passes for common social behavior, even those of us who don’t enjoy playing mind games, inadvertently participate by merely hanging out with those who do.  

No more. Now that I know better, I avoid people who play mind games. Yet, I have learned a few lessons from my time observing them. Pay attention to patterns of behavior. Look for congruency in speech, body language, and what people do when no one is watching. Watch how they treat those from whom they have nothing to gain. Notice their deep insecurities and delusions. Those who play mind games eventually start believing their own lies. They never find their true identity or self-respect. Instead they get trapped in their own snares of self-deception. Eventually, they burn through every sincere relationship, ending up lonely, feeling empty.