My husband’s band covers a song titled, “I Want You to Want Me” (by the band Cheap Trick). The audience always sings along to the chorus…
“I want you to want me
I need you to need me.”
Yes, universal truths can occasionally be found in 70’s rock songs!
I recently had two separate conversations with close friends about our human need to be needed. These friends shared their wisdom, specifically about male and female roles in a marriage. (Warning: the rest of this post may not be politically correct.)
I want to be independent. I like to take care of others, but I don’t want to be a burden or limitation to anyone else. I’ve always had an aversion to damsels and princesses. My wise friends pointed out that this attitude does not necessarily lead to a healthy marriage. Most men have an innate sense of chivalry. They desire to protect, provide, and lead their families. Most of us complain that chivalry is dead, yet we don’t pause to think what killed it. In our desire to be capable, independent women, have we inadvertently eroded the gallantry of men?
Both men and women desire to be wanted and needed. Yet our culture encourages us to be self-reliant, which sometimes makes others in our lives feel superfluous. In a healthy marriage, spouses are sensitive to each other's needs, including the need to be needed.
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