Helpmate

Helpmate is such an old-fashioned word. It has been stuck in my mind this week, like a piece of chicken bone between my teeth, annoying me until I deal with it. So I read and studied this word and its origin.  Helpmate is used in Genesis 2 to describe Eve’s role as wife and helper to Adam.  But the original Hebrew word is Ezer Kenegdo.  I read several different descriptions of this phrase from various authors. Here are some excerpts from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.

“Ezer Kenegdo-- means something far more powerful than just "helper"; it means "lifesaver." The phrase is only used elsewhere of God, when you need him to come through for you desperately. Eve is a life giver; she is Adam's ally. It will take both of them to sustain life. And they will both need to fight together. Eve is deceived…Eve was convinced that God was withholding something from her. Not even the extravagance of Eden could convince her that God's heart is good. No longer is she vulnerable; now she will be grasping. No longer does she want simply to share in the adventure; now she wants to control it. And as for her beauty, she either hides it in fear and anger, or she uses it to secure her place in the world. "In our fear that no one will speak on our behalf or protect us or fight for us, we start to recreate both ourselves and our role in the story. We manipulate our surroundings so we don't feel so defenseless." Fallen Eve either becomes rigid or clingy. Put simply, Eve is no longer simply inviting. She is either hiding in busyness or demanding that Adam come through for her; usually, an odd combination of both.” (pg 51-52)

Wives have been given an integral role as life-savers, life-givers, and life-sustainers. We are meant to strengthen, complete, compliment, support, and balance our husbands. Yet somehow our human nature compels us to turn marriage into a competition. We suspect that God is holding out on us, casting us in a supporting role, rather than as the lead in our own story. So we take matters into our own hands. We don’t want to be vulnerable or defenseless. We don’t want anyone to take advantage of us, especially our husbands. We want control over our own lives. We want to prove that we can take care of ourselves. 

There are husbands out there who are inconsiderate, unkind, and disrespectful. The wives of these men are justifiably defensive. However, fighting back with disrespect and unkindness only makes matters worse. In our attempts to be independent, we devalue each other and end up treating each other as non-essential and dispensable.
 
In an ideal marriage, a husband would be able to acknowledge how integral his wife is to his fulfillment. In diminishing his wife’s significance, he diminishes himself. At the same time, a wife must be dependable, supportive, protective, and available. She must aspire to be her husband’s most loyal advocate and adviser.