A young mom asked me about potty training today. I gave her several suggestions, but the most important one was to go ahead and switch the toddler to underpants. Skip the pull-up diapers. They have to feel the discomfort of the mess... at least for a few minutes. They have to see and smell what they have done. I also suggested that she clear her schedule and stay available because there would be a lot of laundry and cleaning till the training was done.
While I was giving her this advice, I realized that those lessons from potty training were still relevant even for parents with older children. As good parents, we feel compelled to clean up messes as soon as possible. We have to allow our grown children to feel the effects of the problems they create. Yet, if we keep padding their lives, they remain stagnant.
We have to accept that some of this mess will seep into our lives as well. In order for our sons and daughters to mature into independent adults, we as parents have to be willing to experience the disorder and discomfort along with them. At the same time, we have to stay available to support them as they learn to make better choices, develop new skills, and gain confidence.
Definitely hard to let your kids make their own mistakes. Or as someone I know once told my son, "We must let Dadda make his own mistakes."
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