Riding in the Back Seat

Recently, I experienced a milestone in my life. I rode in the back seat of my car while my first-born drove on the freeway. I about peed in my pants! I managed to keep my bladder control, but I couldn’t hold in my anxious gasps. Every time he drove on a curving overpass at 70 mph, I felt sure we were all going to die. It took me awhile to figure out that my perspective from the back seat was different from what the driver saw from the front seat.

We’ve all heard of ‘back-seat drivers’, passengers who are riding in the back seat of a car, but feel compelled to constantly criticize and correct the driver. Some of us exhibit this trait outside cars as well. We give advice and instruction in situations where others are in control, where we don’t have the same perspective. We take over responsibilities that are not ours, thereby diminishing the sense of competence of others.

I am learning to be a back-seat rider. Someone who is within reach when the driver needs companionship or advice. I want to give others space to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. I want them to feel accepted, independent, competent. I want them to know I trust them and believe in their ability to figure things out. Most of all, I need to acknowledge that I myself am not an expert in anything and don’t have all the right answers.