I am not a competent cyclist. I have fallen several times. Each fall, each bruise, scares me. Although I learned the basics of bicycling a few years ago, I have not practiced enough to feel comfortable riding a bike. I am a competent runner. I have run thousands of miles around the gravel roads near my home. Recently, I tried to bike around this familiar path. All I could see were the obstacles in my way: loose gravel, steep curves, potholes, and approaching cars.
I’m thinking of another obstacle I’m facing right now. I’m having difficulty with letting go of my role as a full-time parent. This has been my identity for most of my adult life. It’s a role that makes me feel competent, relevant, and righteous. Yet, my reluctance to let go is becoming an obstacle.
How can I turn obstacles such as this one into stepping stones?
Somehow, the insurmountable obstacles have to be broken down into surmountable stepping stones. I need to approach these big boulders with the right attitude--not with fear, but with boldness and determination. Finding a way around obstructions can seem like the easier path--but avoidance merely reinforces our fears. We must scale these boulders, chip away at them from different angles, drill holes in them, break them into manageable pieces--gaining strength, agility, discipline, and awareness as we progressively break these obstacles into manageable pieces. Eventually, we become proficient boulder busters. Breaking down every impediment we encounter becomes second nature. What was once an obstacle has been transformed into skills that enable us to overcome challenges, traverse powerful rapids, and climb jagged peaks.
“The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.” (Thomas Carlyle)
I am going to say this from experience and I hope you don't mind my 2¢ worth.
ReplyDeleteTry to think of this as not letting go of being a full time parent, because no matter what, you will always be the full time parent, but as finishing one chapter in Self-help book and turning the page to start another chapter with a bunch of adjusted rules, but with the same outcome. You will be giving your Son assistance in how to be an adult by trusting and allowing for him to make mistakes to learn from.
We are like computers as Mothers. Just because we are not there full time to help them run their lives day in and day out, we still operate quietly in the background, even if you can't see us. You are an irreplaceable part of every decision he will make. Each decision will be because of who he is as a person and that person has part of you, running in him, in his sub-conscious from what you and your husband have taught him.
Now comes the biggest trust of all in trusting God to help you and your Son. Letting go and letting God at this time of life is exactly like letting go of his hand the first time he had to participate in anything you were not going to be there for him for to guide him. I say that because this is how so many Mothers feel that first time we have to let them go to school, away from our supervision, the first time. You homeschooled, so it was different, but there were other incidences in his life when you had to trust him on his own.
As you know, I can completely relate, since I am in a position where I must do this once more in my life, with my youngest Son, so I can completely feel with your writing what you are experiencing right now. I have just had practice because of the 3 times my Son needed to come back to live with us.
I am going to sit in prayer and ask God to send you a message of some sort to let you feel better as a Mother about releasing your Son to the world, without you there to guide him through his choices.
♥
Laura
Thank You so much for your thoughtful comments. I agree completely.
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