Ignored

"Jesus ignored her.” (Matt 15:23 MSG)

How painful this verse is to me. Sometimes, I try to get Jesus’ attention. I pray, I sing, I call out in desperation, I read scripture, and wait for peace… and nothing.

This verse is from what I call the “Story of the Persistent Mother”. A Canaanite woman bugs Jesus to heal her daughter who is afflicted by an evil spirit. Jesus says he’s busy taking care of the chosen ones. The mom keeps bugging…and Jesus, impressed by her persistent faith, heals her daughter.

God can be unpredictable and confusing. Sometimes He is unclear, a capricious Spirit. Why does God withdraw his presence, His comfort? Even Jesus experienced this… once in the desert during his temptation (Matt 4:1-11), and then later during crucifixion. (Matt 27:46)

Is it a way of testing, assessment? It can’t mean that God disapproves… since Jesus experienced it. Also, many saints including Mother Teresa have described experiencing the “dark night of the soul”. Is it a time of training? A boot camp of sorts? Is it a time of weaning? It can’t be a weaning from God…maybe a weaning from constant affirmation from God?

My ideas of God are so mixed in with Christianity as a religion and Church. Humanity is flawed… and thus we, who make up the church, are flawed. God’s Truth is incomprehensible… but we try to make sense of it in our own way. I feel discombobulated by those who manipulate and exploit others in the name of Christ. I am torn inside… I feel disjointed from God because when I am disappointed in the church I feel like I’m being disloyal to God. This is why I feel spiritually dry some days. I’m still looking within myself to see how I’ve disappointed God. But maybe I haven’t? Maybe boot camp is not a punishment. Maybe the wilderness is a place to gain clarity…a time to understand Christ separate from Christianity.