Co-ownership

“Don't agree to guarantee another person's debt or put up security for someone else.” (Proverbs 22:26 NLT)

Let’s say your brother asked you to help him move his couch. It’s much easier for two people to lift a couch than one person, so you agree. But you notice that your brother holds his end much lower, shifting the bulk of the weight to your side. He justifies his behavior by mentioning how you are stronger. This is how codependency gets started. Soon you feel invested in that couch--you start thinking of it as your responsibility.

When we take co-ownership for other people’s feelings, problems, choices, duties, and liabilities--we become cosigners for their lives. This works okay when both persons are equally responsible. However, most of the time, one person will shirk his side of the bargain, while the other person picks up more and more of the slack. This lopsided arrangement is unhealthy for both parties. The slacker gets weaker, while the doer hyperextends his joints beyond normal limits and causes injury to himself.

It is not helpful to take responsibility for other people’s growth. Maturity is a solo endeavor. However, there is something we can do. We can pray intensely--laboring earnestly with God as He delivers each person into His presence.  

We pray that all our loved ones ‘may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured.” (Colossians 4:12 NIV)