Weaning

Philip Gulley is on my top ten list of favorite authors. He only publishes books every few years, (that lazy bum!) so I have to get my fix from his sermons online. Here is a link to his site:

http://www.philipgulley.org/GRACETALK.

This morning I was reading his sermon on empathy. He talked about how too much empathy can be harmful. “When you’re investing more time, care and passion in someone’s functioning than they are, you might be doing too much.” (Philip Gulley, ‘Empathy’ ~ Grace Talks sermons)

I’ve been thinking about this. If I’m investing more time and care in someone’s functioning than they are, might I be harming them? Guilty! I am an over-functioning parent. Gulley says this leads to under-functioning kids. Guilty! I usually justify my actions by comparing myself to another parent who is even more smothering than I am.

I’ve noticed that sometimes our dog can’t find small bits of food on the floor. After a few seconds of sniffing around, we usually point it out to her with our feet. Dogs have a keen sense of smell. So why my dog needs us to find a cheerio in front of her is mind-boggling! I wonder if we’ve messed up her natural sense of smell by pointing out where to find food. 

Over-functioning relationships can also be found between spouses, friends and adult children with their aging parents. My husband’s areas of strength, tend to be my weaknesses. Stepping up in these areas would be strengthening. The more I take care of things for my son, the less motivated he is to figure it out for himself. I could back off a bit and let him fail and learn from his mistakes. I could accept that my aging parents are still capable of taking care of themselves and not try to take over too soon. Weaning these relationships at the appropriate phase is beneficial for everyone involved.

Lord, help me to step up in areas where I’m under-functioning and to step down where I am over-functioning.